reticent

25

• AMALIA •

My dad knows.

Part of me is relived, but another part of me is scared. The look on his face when I flinched from his hand passes through my mind, and my eyes water again.

I didn't mean to. I'm not afraid of my dad. I could never be afraid of him. He's the best person I know, and he loves me.

So why did I have to flinch? He probably thinks I'm scared of him now. That I hate him. I don't. I love my dad more than anyone.

I cry myself back to sleep.

•

Mason comes into my room.

"Hi, Lia." He says. "Dad told me you weren't feeling well."

I stroke Petal beneath the covers, where she's burrowed herself against my stomach. I inhale and exhale, over and over and over again.

     It feels like I'm dying.

     Am I dying?

     "Amalia?"

     He walks over to me, and I fiddle with my hands beneath the duvet.

     "What's wrong, piccolo orsacchiotto?" He asks softly.
(T—Little teddy bear.)

     I inhale a large breath. Then exhale again.

     I must be dying.

     He sits on my bed beside me, leaning on the headboard. He wraps his arms around me suddenly, pulling me to him and cuddling me to his chest like he used to. I rest my forehead on his shoulder, and he kisses my cheek.

     "I love you." Mason whispers.

I throw my arms around his waist, suddenly wishing my dad was here.

     No one will ever hurt you again.

     I hope so.

My phone dings with a message. I stiffen. Mason furrows his eyebrows and grabs my phone, reading it. I don't have the energy to try stop him, and he's holding onto me too tightly anyway, so I couldn't even if I wanted to.

"What's your password?" He asks me.

I take it from him when he passes it to me and type it in: 1111.

"You need a better password than than that, kid." He whispers, opening my messages as I bury my head back in his chest.

I don't bother reading whatever the message is. I set up a different tone for when Frankie texts me, so I know it's him already.

I hear him clicking off the app.

"What did he say when he called you last night?" He asks me.

I shake my head.

"Amalia." He says. There's a small spot of anger in his voice. I bring my knees up to my stomach. He sighs and plays the call back, and the sound of Frankie's voice makes me nervous all over again.