Here In The Afterglow

Chapter 1.12

When Louis rides through the gates later that morning, anxiety crawls up his throat and makes him wobble dangerously. His whole face feels flushed, and he can't stop sweating. There's a tiny corner of his brain, tucked away and distant, that is trying to convince him that they'll all know. That they'll take one look at him and kick him to the ground.

When the bell rings for first period he's still in the bike shed, picking at the skin around his fingers and trying desperately to breathe, to stop his lungs from feeling so entirely constricted and full of mud.

By the time he makes it to class, he's almost half an hour late. He considered not going at all, because he'd just draw attention to himself when he entered. As he opens the door and all eyes do turn to him, he tries not to let the fear show in his eyes, tries to keep himself calm.

He meets Liam's eye, mutters a quiet apology to the teacher, and hurries to the back of the room.

"You okay?" Liam whispers, leaning close to get a good look at Louis' face.

Louis reels away, heart instantly hammering against his chest. "Fine," he chokes out.

"Where have you been?"

"Um, just helping mom clean up 'round the house," Louis says. "Rain really did the place in."

"Oh, everything good?" Liam questions, brows furrowed.

"Yeah, we're okay," Louis nudges his shoulder, attempts a smile. "Thanks."

Louis pulls his notebook out of his bag, trying his best to catch up to all the symbols and equations up on the board.

After a few minutes, Liam speaks again, barely there. "You know if...if you need help, or if there's, like, things going on, I'm here for you, right?"

Louis pauses, deep, deep, guilt swirling inside him.

"I know things have been kinda tense lately," Liam says softly. "I haven't...I haven't done anything, have I?"

Louis wants to cry. He feels so awful, feels so fucking awful, and when he looks over, Liam looks close to tears.

"No, no," Louis shakes his head. "You've done nothing wrong, Li. Nothing at all."

Liam nods solemnly, biting his lip as he twirls his pen between his fingers. "I just thought...," he trails off, then shakes his head and huffs a laugh. "I don't know. Thought you'd gotten sick of me or something, with Harry hanging around."

Louis' stomach plummets at the look on Liam's face, one he knows all too well.

"Hey, no, that's not it at all," Louis says. "I've been shit, I really have."

"It's not up to me who you hang out with, I know that," Liam says. "But...it's not as fun without you around. Stan's been so awful, lately."

"I'm sorry," Louis says sincerely. "I'm really sorry, Liam."

"It's okay," Liam smiles at him, a touch too sad.

"How about we go to Daphne's after school, yeah?" Louis suggests. "Then we can go back to yours and I can kick your ass at Mouse Trap and Hungry Hungry Hippos."

"You can try," Liam challenges, a grin creeping onto his cheeks. They laugh softly, and Louis feels a tiny, tiny weight lift off his chest.

During lunch, Louis waits for the halls to clear out a bit before he makes his way to the arts room. He hasn't caught a glimpse of Harry all day, and there's been no notes in his locker. But when he gets to the art room, Harry isn't there, and Zayn says he hasn't seen him, either.

Louis checks the bike shed next. The space next to Louis' is empty. He bites his lip, standing in the middle of the room with his hands on his hips.

"Dammit," he sighs, reaching for his bike.