Here In The Afterglow

Chapter 2.7

For a while, Louis can't believe how perfect things are. It almost seems too good to be true.

Midway through April, Moscone signs the Gay Civil Rights Ordinance for San Francisco.

Whilst both he and Harry are ecstatic, read the paper together in bed and listen intently to the broadcasts on the radio, a blanket of malice and hate falls over Post Falls, dark and omnipresent.

It snaps Louis back into reality. Since Harry's arrival, he's slowly repressed all the niggling thoughts that scratch at his brain, stopped picking apart every little thing. He'd forgotten how much he hates this town. He'd forgotten how much he wants to escape.

Once it shows up in the paper, it becomes a topic at school. Louis is reminded of that day in November, when the sun was blinding orange, and how it had been stomped out with the arrival of bitter wind and words. He feels that way now, feels the little orange glow in his chest rapidly growing colder and colder.

Stan has been forcing him to sit with the boys every day. Everywhere Louis looks, he's always there, ready to grab Louis by the arm and start up a conversation he can't get out of. Harry has backed off almost entirely, his efforts hopeless when Stan is already waiting by Louis' locker and eying him off. Now, Harry's notes flow thick and heavy, and they spend their nights wrapped together, making up for lost time.

Louis hates it, hates this subtle shift. He doesn't get to see Zayn either. All he wants to do is talk about something that matters to him. All he wants to do is be acknowledged in conversation, to feel like he has a place. He used to think that being surrounded by people was better than being lonely.

He realizes now that you can be crushed between people and still feel entirely isolated. He's learned that being lonely and being alone are two very different things.

Today marks a rare occasion where Liam sits with their group. Normally he's off on another table with a different set of friends, but sometimes he'll slip in beside Louis. Nobody ever bats an eyelid. Jimmy would never turn a Payne away.

Most of the time, Liam sits quietly, enters the conversation here and there but mostly just sits and observes while he picks apart his sandwich.

"You should see the shit in the paper," Stan is saying, on elbow leant on the table as he points aggressively. "My dad says everything coming through is bogue."

"'course it is," Jimmy sniffs. "Can't wait for everything to blow up in his face so all of it stops. It's fuckin' wrong. Gives me the creeps."

He makes a wiggling gesture with his fingers, grinning widely. The table erupts into unnecessarily loud laughter.

"What's the sicko even doing, anyway?" Ben says. "All he's doing is making sure more of 'em can get in."

"He's doing a lot for elderly people," Liam says out of nowhere, his first words spoken of lunch. He's staring down at his sandwich, picking the crusts off. All eyes turn to him. Jimmy's mouth turns down.

"What?" he says.

"Y'know, seniors and stuff..." Liam trails off, suddenly looking very unsure of himself. Louis' eyes are wide in disbelief. "Some of his programs really benefit them. I think that's a good thing."

"I'd keep your thoughts to yourself," Ben says quietly, warning.

Liam looks a bit like a deer in the headlights, eyes flicking around the table rapidly as he shrinks in on himself. "Sorry."

The conversation continues where it left off, laughter bubbling up again and Jimmy and Stan quip slurs back and forth, grinning. Louis stares at the table unblinkingly, trying to process the fact that Liam just spoke out like that, in front of Jimmy, of all people.

There's another burst of raucous laughter, palms slamming against the table. Louis leans in to Liam's side quickly.

"That was brave," he whispers, barely there as he pulls away again swiftly. Liam's eyes jump to him questioningly. Louis just pushes his hair out of his eyes and stands, turning to Stan. "Going to the bathroom."

"I'll come with," Stan says. Louis fights the urge to roll his eyes. Instead, he grits his teeth together and keeps his expression cool.

"I'm not five," he says, trying to keep his voice light as he retreats from the table before Stan can get up and follow him.

He waits by Harry's locker as the bell rings, arms crossed over his chest self-consciously. His neck burns with the gaze of phantom eyes, like everyone around him is scrutinizing him, wondering and speculating and watching too close.

"Hey."

Louis flinches and looks up from the crack in the school floor. Harry stands before him, looking pleasantly surprised and gorgeous.

"Hey," Louis says.

"All good?" Harry says quietly. He opens his locker and Louis maneuvers around the other side of him so they can talk, half screened by the locker door.

"Yeah, just had to get away from it," Louis says. "Liam stuck up for Harvey before. It was weird."

"That's good though, isn't it?" Harry says, hushed.

"I guess," Louis murmurs, scratching absently at his shoulder as he casts a glance around the hallway. "Just didn't expect it."

"Mm," Harry hums. When he doesn't say anything more, Louis looks back over. Harry is just watching him quietly, a folder half pulled from his locker.

"What?" Louis quirks his lips.

"I can't say what I'm thinking here," Harry says.

Louis grins, starts to push away from the locker to continue down the hall. "Guess you'll just have to tell me later," he says over his shoulder.

"I will," Harry laughs, eyes bright and smile a little mischievous, bitten down between his teeth.

Louis sends him a little wave over his shoulder, trying to ignore the eyes that aren't Harry's prickling the back of his neck.