THEY LET HER DIE

3

Nearly two months since Senami passed. Your mother tried to be careful about the topic of Senami; she saw how much it pained you. On the other hand, your admission letter hadn't come. You became quiet and you tried not to pick up calls from any of your former classmates.

You often sat in your room at your grey desk, watching your emails closely while your mother went to her IT office. You would switch places with your laptop and the television, going to the fridge after every thirty-minute interval. You were gradually gaining weight.

That evening by 4:30 pm, your mother's car drove into the compound. You opened the door to let her in and she didn't even let you greet her. She seemed very excited, she was literally skipping and you were confused.

"Dee," she smiled, "you are going out tomorrow".

You agreed, after all, the last event you had been to was a funeral.

You were ready the next day. You wore your usuals; a black hoodie, dark blue jeans, and your white Adidas sneakers, not forgetting your air pods in your ear and your phone in your knapsack which was strapped along your back.

You entered the car. This time, your mother insisted that she drove because she knew the way and you slept throughout the ride.

Once the car came to a stop, you woke up. You were at a beach. You were not okay with this idea at all. You wondered whether she wanted to spend more time with you; you weren't just sure of what was happening but you were sure that you didn't like it.

There were some procedures that your mother took to get into the beach because they said it was 'private'. You got into the place frustrated and tired. The beach was just like all the beaches you had been to in Lekki; it was only bigger and finer with nice bamboo tents. You followed your mom everywhere until you got to a particular tent that brought you regret.

"Gozie!" your mum called out waiving, "Look who is here!"You wish she didn't.

Gozie stood in front of you like he didn't know you. He wore a navy-blue Turkish tuxedo and shiny stoned boots. His hair was neatly cut and his acne had disappeared. Usually, you would salute and shout 'OG' or 'Odogwu' — you wanted to —but you couldn't bring yourself to say it. He gave you a handshake and welcomed you to his Matric After Party.

It shocked you that the wayward 'OG' you once knew got into college before you did. You returned the greetings and walked away.

You sipped on a drink that you bought from a food vendor around the beach area and you turned your ears away from all the love that people showered on Gozie. You watched your mom give her congratulation wishes over and over again. You didn't care, you didn't want to be there so you observed everything until when you needed a restroom.

You found your way to the restroom; it was neat and you captured the marble decors with your eyes. Indeed, you'd like to use it again and again. You made your way out of the stall you used over to the sink to wash your hands. Someone came out from another stall to the sink area. He stood a sink away from you. You realized that it was Gozie.

You tried not to let him catch you getting glimpses of him then you started a conversation.

"So, what Uni?" You asked. Your hand was playing with the last drop of water from the closed tap.

"Landmark," he said with this iota of pride in his voice that irritated you.

"Mad!" you falsely hyped with so much indifference and boredom, "What are you studying?''

"Psychology," he said plainly after he shut the tap.

"So, you're no longer the politician that I know,'' you said, "why na?"

"I decided later that I wanted to be a psychiatrist," he said, "To know why people do what they do — people like you".

There was silence. You realized that you didn't know this person. You knew 'Odogwu' and 'OG' but today was the first time that you had met 'Gozie Chris Nwachukwu'.

"Why did you do it, Dola?" Gozie asked.

You knew perfectly well what he was talking about but rather, you looked him in the eyes and didn't utter a word.

"Even if you did it, why did you make me do it?" He asked again.

His veins were already showing on his face, he looked like 'OG'for a second. You tried to reason his questions, how deep they cut, how hard they stung. 

Why did you kill Senami? You couldn't give an answer. You remembered her wide smile, and the light pink glasses that she wore all the time. Her oud scent and her hair that smelt like your sister's cream. Her slim figure and her black Clarks that complemented her uniform skirt. Most of all, the fact that she was Badagryreminded you of your mother whenever you were in school. You remembered when she agreed to be your bestie on the 5th

of June. You didn't also forget the day that you confessed your love to her after chemistry class in SS3 first term, when she told you to 'Fuck off ' and smiled her wide smile afterward

That day, you detested everything about her especially that her smile, but you were still her 'bestie'. Do you remember when you planned with your guys that you would 'show her pepper' before graduation and on the night of the bonfire in school, you masked up with your guys and trapped her in a dark, empty classroom.

That night, she was rubbished, pressed, molested, 'fisted' not fingered, and possibly raped because you lost track and left. You were sure that she didn't recognize you. You remembered the awful smell of sweat and rotten things. You remembered her helpless struggles. You still took a whiff of her oud scent — Idiot. Later, when she told you, you acted as a comforter to her distress. You faked it all and she seemed very comfortable letting you know what she was going through. She tried to keep smiling and keep being normal so that people wouldn't know, she always said she was fine.

The sad thing was that she only told you all her issues; UTIs and other infections that were eating her up. She still smiled. You remembered the night of graduation when your mother vexed you because she hated the look of your transcript and your GPA. That night Senami called you.

You were irritated by everything that night. So, when she called you, she ranted but you weren't paying any attention to her."...this life ehn," she ended with, "its too much like I should just kill myself".It sounded jokingly in your ears and you didn't feel like playing."Mtchew," You sighed, "Ehn go and die, see I don't have your time this night, call me tomorrow".You hung up.

Tomorrow arrived and you didn't see her. You called and called until the news got to you that she wanted to kill herself. You rushed down to stop her but even when you got there, there was nothing you could do; she had done it. 

You are a monster; You molested her, lied to her, then killed her.

You let her die, Dolapo.

You messed up.