BEYOND

WANT

Hi, I'm back from the dead! 

Notice: this story is going to be more Sendak x Pidge rather than Sendak x Pidge x Lotor, mainly because I haven't been able to get Lotor in some of the chapters as much as I wanted. Though, I'll still have him apart of the story, and I'll try to put more of him in this story.

Please enjoy this chapter!

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The next two months passed with my seeing the emperor every day and simply keeping him company all day. The only time I was to leave was if I was told to do so. He often complimented me on how I was able to keep quiet despite myself. The emperor could read me almost like a book, it was almost as if he knew me without even having to say anything. He made sure that I was to see him throughout the time when I could, unless I needed sleep, then he'd tell me to go to bed. There were times when I'd argue that I was fine and that I could stay up, but then he'd insist on me going to bed until I agreed. I wanted to be with him despite the feeling of knowing he was right. Though, most of the time he fell he fell asleep before I did and I get him a blanket and even kiss his cheek sometimes if there wasn't anybody nearby. The problem was that many officers checked in on the emperor during the time he'd fall asleep working. I enjoyed making the officers panic whenever I'd tell them he was asleep and shouldn't be disturbed. I loved the way he slept, the way he ate, even the way he'd get angry when someone pissed him off. It didn't bother me much. There was so much I wanted, but I knew that he'd never want me the way I wanted him. There was far too much at risk for our relationship that I couldn't test it. His feelings were a big factor and his position. If I was a higher up or he was a lower ranking military official, there could be far more of a chance than what there already was. I enjoyed day dreaming about what we could have though. It made the day so much easier to push through. He never made any moves, but eventually things changed. Lotor seemingly gave in and became a servant as well. He was cleaning, serving, and doing most of the grossest stuff that no one else wanted or could do. The emperor seemed to enjoy seeing him struggle. Once, when the emperor fell asleep, I followed the same procedure as I always did and then went and started helping Lotor.

"Who the quiznak are you?" He released a snarl at me, but I knew he'd appreciate my help.

"I'm someone who wants to help." I picked up a sponge and began scrubbing with him. With the help he got from me, he got done a lot faster and could move on to the next disgusting chore.

I went back to the emperor and he was standing, clearly looking for me. When he saw me, he immediately was in front of me. His hand was on my cheek and fear distorted his features. Was I really that special to him? He relaxed seeing that I was okay. 

"Did something happen? What's wrong?" I didn't know what to do to help him. His face softened and, yet again. That same kind smile returned and made my stomach fill with butterflies as he did so. 

"I just didn't see you when I woke up, that's all..." His features were soft as he looked upon me. 

He caressed my cheek with his thumb and he bent lower to meet my level. He pressed his forehead against mine. His eye closed as he did so. I smiled and closed my own eyes trying my best to put the same amount of pressure back to him. The moment was so sweet, this was the closest we've ever been to one another. Those thoughts plagued my mind now as he touched me with kindness. I enjoyed every second of it. I had every urge to reach up and wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his lips to tell him. Despite my desperate attempts to keep myself from doing so, I couldn't help it. I could tell he was surprised by my sudden affection. He didn't pull away, though. I then realized his hand had moved from my cheek to my ass. I didn't mind, in fact I liked it. He had everything he could right now. Then the emperor pulled away from me. His eyes soft with apology. I then realized what I had just done.

"P-Please forget I ever did that, Sire. I'm sorry, it was very inappropriate of me to do something like that." I looked down and began wringing my dress with my hands. It was one of the most embarrassing and inappropriate things I've ever done.

Things were quite awkward between us, but things returned to normal after a while. It was only a month later that things were just as they were before I made that big mistake. Though, of course, the emperor needed to get his robotic arm changed out for an upgrade. I asked him if I could be there with him and he told me I could. I waited outside the room with Hagar. She stared at the emperor only in half interest. I, on the other hand, was a nervous reck for the fact that he looked as if he had to be put under for this. It hurt to see him going through this. I swallowed as I stared at the doctors looking through his vitals and working on putting him to sleep for a time. That's when the procedure began, it was successful... until they turned the arm on. His body writhed as he yelled in pain. The arm twisted and turned in many unnatural ways and started attacking the doctors. (A/N: Just imagine that scene where Allura jumps in and saves Shiro by placing her crystal from her crown into his arm but a little different) I felt panic surge in me. I ran in the door and jumped on the arm and shut it down. His crying out and writhing quite and his breathing became regular after some time of panting in his sleep. I had shut off the arm in less than five seconds without harming the equipment, making sure that it could be fixed for what had caused the problem in the first place. I got up and put a hand on his shoulder. He looked so peaceful now in his sleep. I wanted him to make me his bride and I didn't know if he was going to be okay. All the doctors were quiet, but seemingly understood that I had saved him.

I got up and was immediately by his side. I didn't like the fact that he was hurting due to the arm. I realized that what I most wanted was to keep my friend safe. My want was to be by his side for as long as I could. That would be rather hard knowing the situation. I put one of my small hands on his shoulder. He was strong, and he would survive because I would make sure of it. We are both survivors, we both understand what it is to struggle, but all the things that I've done will forever stick with me unlike the things he's done. Why? Well, I had far more guilt than he did, I could see it in the way he did things. If it weren't for the fact that they were different species, maybe things could be different. Though, I still felt the same want despite knowing that it more than likely wouldn't work out.

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Thank you for reading!