Somethings are Meant to be Saved

18

⚠️Trigger warning for this chapter: panic attacks, mentions of abuse, parental death⚠️

I've never been so emotionally exhausted in my
life. I can feel all that Mark is feeling and it's driving me insane. I feel awful for him, it hurts to see him like this. When you've known someone your whole life you're basically connected to that person. Their feelings are yours, their reactions are yours, their pain is yours. Everything they feel, you feel as well.

Jennifer—his mom— has been at the hospital
for five hours. The longer we wait, the more sure I am of the outcome. I can feel it. I don't want to say anything to Mark but I know. She's no longer here, taken by the hands of the person she's supposed to love. And though I should be thinking about her, I think about my mom. The woman who could have been in the same situation if it wasn't for the accident. It's quite ironic how things work, history repeats itself.

"Here's some water." I hand Mark a water bottle
and put on the best smile I can muster.

He lifts his head from his knees. The boy I used
to know, the sweet soft boy with a heart of gold, is gone. I can see it. I watched as the color faded from his eyes. The light died.

He grabs the water but places it on my
nightstand. I wish I could hold him and tell him 'everything will work out.' But I know. I know it will never be the same again. Because as much as I'm his best friend, the true best friend was his mom. I will never compare to that.

I hear a knock on my bedroom door and jump.
My dad opens the door and clears his throat. "Can I talk with you for a second Mazie?"

My stomach drops and I look at Mark. Talking
with our eyes for a second I take a deep breath. "Uh yea sure."

I get up from the bed and walk over to my dad.
Don't break. Don't fall into your dads arms. Stay strong for the boy in the bedroom. Walking out of the bedroom dad closes the door and takes me into the hallway.

"She's gone isn't she?" I look up at my dad,
chewing my thumbnail.

Dad lets out a breath and nods. "There was
nothing they could do...she was far gone."

I nod and look at my bedroom door. "Dad I'm
gonna lose him...I'm gonna lose him." I look at my dad.

"Baby you won't lose him." Dad puts his hands
on my arms.

"Yes I am, I already am dad. He's gone. I saw it,
I saw the light die! He's not stupid." I can feel my lungs burn as the fear crawls up my chest and lays rest.

"No, he's not stupid you're right. He would
never leave you." Dads tone is soft but I know he's just as angry as I am. We've watched for years as Jennifer fell deeper.

I shake my head and I can feel my lungs trying
to create air and not getting anything. "I- I can't.."

"Mazie hey," dad puts his hands on my face and
tilts my head to look up at him. "You need to focus on your breathing. Take a slow deep breath in."

I shake my hands out and try to take in a slow
breath.

"Good...out." He rubs his thumbs across my
cheeks.

I breathe out and continue the cycle. In. Out. In.
Out. Repeat.

"Everything is gonna be ok...ok?" He kisses my
forehead.

I break down in his grasp. "H-how can someone
do something like this?!"

"I don't know Maze...I really don't know." He
pulls me against his chest and wraps his arms around me, placing a hand on the back of my head. "Some people just don't deserve the love they're given."

Clinging onto the man who's never hurt me or
my mom. The man who's made sure we're safe and loved, because my dad could never do the thing Mark's dad just did. Because my dad saved my mom from that situation. My dad is the person I can always count on, I could never imagine having a father like Mark's dad. Living in fear of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. My dad never raises his fist or voice, he never treats my mom with disrespect. Because in his eyes were his most prized possession. And if we're hurt, he's hurt too. My dad is the reason my expectations are too high.

"Do you want me to tell him?" Dad rests his
chin on top of my head.

I shake my head and pull away. "No, he needs to
hear it from me."

"Mazie...I need you to listen ok?" Dads voice
goes back to the dad voice.

I look up at him and nod.

"I need you to also focus on you. This is going
to be a lot for you. So if you need to get away for a while, go to dance, or something. Do it. You come first ok?" He wipes my cheeks from the tears.
I nod but we both know that I'm just like my
mom. We put ourselves on the back burner. Because the people in front of us matter more than us.

I gather myself and turn back towards my door
and walk back into my room. "Mark.." I walk towards him. Breathe Maze. "The hospital called my parents." I look down, I can't look at him.

"What did they say?" His eagerness to know
rips my heart to shreds. "Is she out of surgery?!"
I take a deep calming breath and look up at him.

"She..didn't make it out of surgery." I chew on my bottom lip. Waiting.

"Wait w-what?!" I watch as his chest starts to
heave.

"I know I'm sorry.." I try to restrain myself but I
go directly to hug him. Wrapping my arms around him. I don't let go.

The rest of the night he's quiet. And I'm trying
my best to not let his emotions take over me as well. Because I can feel myself breaking, slowly, but surely.

There was a short moment where he was asleep
and I couldn't. So I got up from my bed quietly and walked out of my room. I walked down the hall and snuck into the room that held my brother.

I climb into bed in front of him. He stirs awake.
"Sorry.." I whisper.

He blinks and rubs the sleep out of his eyes.
"What's wrong?"

"Nothing...I just..needed my little brother." I
swallow down the lump in my throat.

He moves closer and wraps his arm around
waist. "He'll be ok Mazie..."

I wrap my arm around him and hold him tightly.
"Yea...I really hope so."