Mine

Chapter 2 - Eddie

"...cardiac arrest...comatose...up to Buck..."

Those were the only words I could make out. My ears felt clogged. My heart started to beat faster. So fast, it made my chest hurt. I couldn't breathe and I was sweating profusely.

I was having a full blown panic attack.

I started to back out of the room, and ended up slamming straight into Chimney. "Sorry I-" I started. My heart was beating faster now.

"Eddie, are you okay?" Chim asked me.

Everyone was staring at me now, concern evident on their faces. My heart was pounding harder, faster now. My throat was so dry I couldn't answer him. I couldn't even swallow my own spit. "I –" It came out more like a whisper. What was I supposed to say? 'My best friend, who I just so happen to be madly in love with, is knocking on death's door, no I'm not okay?!'

Of course I couldn't say that. No one knew about my feelings for Buck. No one knows that I've been in love with him from the moment we met. Even when he was being a total dick to me. Even when he was still pining after Abby. Then Taylor. I was furious when he tried to file that lawsuit against the LAFD, but that didn't change how I felt about him. If anything, it just made it hurt more.

Everyone was still staring at me. "Eddie?" This time it was Hen. "Why don't you come sit down?" she said gently. I didn't even realize that she was standing now and walking towards me slowly, carefully.

I took a step back. Then another. Every time she took one forward, I took one back. I was running out of air. The walls were closing in on me. I had to get out of there. I turned around and attempted to flee and ended up tripping over my own feet as I tried to make my escape. "I need some air," I croaked, throat still dry as the Sahara, as I made my way out of the hospital.

Once I got outside, I collapsed to my knees immediately. No longer trusting the mobility of my legs and feet, I crawled over to the side of the hospital and leaned against the wall. I tried to take some deep, slow breaths like my therapist taught me. Try to control my breathing and get my heart rate back to normal. But the more I tried, the more I failed. Spots were forming in front of my eyes now. My panic attack was getting worse. I couldn't control it anymore. I was dying and I was okay with that. What was the alternative? Live without Buck for the rest of my life?

But then I remembered something. A good enough reason to suffer through a life without My Buck. My Evan,

Christopher.

I couldn't leave him, no matter how much pain I was in. He's already lost one parent. I couldn't be so selfish as to leave him too.

I closed my eyes and tried to control my breathing again.

"Try tucking your head between your knees."

I jumped, startled at the realization that I was no longer alone. Startled by the familiar voice. I looked up to see who was towering over me.

It was Maddie.