The Weekend Arrangement

A Safe Harbour for All Your Secrets

  The period of time from Friday evenings to Sunday afternoons have become the only time Martin feels whole any longer; waiting days for the click of a Kensington front door behind them to be with Jon. It's not just the physical- as incredible as it is every time- it's the relaxation, seeing Jon let go of so much of what winds him so tightly. The small jokes he makes and the uninhibited way he laughs when they are together fills Martin with an even deeper longing than he thinks he ever had when they were just flirting hesitantly at work.

Even limited, Martin loves how easily things have fallen in place for them. He loves how surprising it was to find out the reserved, snappish Jon was so very tactile and affectionate with him. He loves how Jon treats his body as something worth touching, how Jon presses himself so deeply into his chest and arms at night- and Martin stops feeling so unwieldy and starts feeling protective; wanting to wrap Jon in as much of himself and the love he can't yet bring himself to say out loud just before they drop off into sleep. Just as much he loves the quiet mornings, waking to find Jon draped over him or pressed in close, his face serene and at peace. Those tranquil mornings with tea and quiet conversations, gentle kisses and easy, comfortable companionship feel more like home than any place Martin has ever been in his life.

Over the past six months they have been doing this, Sunday mornings have become bittersweet; they were always slow as the two did whatever they could to postpone the inevitable separation.

Some Sundays they would curl on the couch together with a simple breakfast while attempting to work through the crossword. They would lightly bicker over spelling and then reward each other with kisses for correctly filling in the more difficult clues- or any clue at all really. So far they have yet to complete a full puzzle, rarely making it past the first one or two answers before things dissolved into laughter and a quick scramble back upstairs.

Some Sundays they would forgo getting up entirely, choosing instead to linger in bed; coaxing each other to that quivering edge over and over, until it was time for Martin to head back to his own flat.

Even now, months into it, everytime feels like the first time, every time together a fresh chance to discover. Martin never seems to get used to Jon wanting him; and no matter how many times Jon proves he does, Martin still approaches him with awe. It's that awe that sets Jon at ease. The way he feels safe with Martin; for the first time ever he feels safe enough with another person to just let go and be in the moment.

For all their astonishment, Jon and Martin adore the ease, and adore each other (without saying it- neither is brave enough to say it) and wish for more time- but hold on tightly to whatever they are able to have.

Saturday nights and Sunday mornings feel real in the midst of their secrecy and the two cherish them.

They had slept late, wrapped around each other as a hard rain hushed the world outside. It was sleepy and unhurried; and after last night saw Jon pushed against a wall, legs wrapped tight around Martin's waist as Martin drove into him hard enough to shake pictures down, it was a welcome languor.

Even after reluctantly pulling themselves out of bed, the most they had been able to do was drift downstairs to indulge in a slow, quiet morning. Martin had surrendered his sweater with little more than a gentle tease about how Jon was a terrible thief before gathering him up for an easy kiss and sending him to grab the paper from the stoop while he made tea.

The only thing Martin ever seems to refuse Jon is his offers to make the tea, telling him " Absolutely not, your tea is terrible Jon. I think I saw you microwaving it once. Just shameful for an Englishman'' before laughing and shooing him away from the kettle. The way Jon lets himself be shooed away from his own kettle in his own kitchen with nothing more than a smile in response still surprises him. Martin has found a softness in him Jon never knew he had. His whole life he's been nothing but hard angles and prickles- generally slow to laugh and quick to judge but with Martin he feels something in himself ease that he never even knew was tight to begin with.