Jisungs pov
I walked through the college hallways , everyone seemed to be looking at me. Their bulging eyes glaring me down as I silently begged them to stop, covering my ears as a piercing white noise became all I could hear.
"No no no no no" I shook my head " it's not real" everything was too much for me to look at, I screwed my eyes shut. Desperately trying to escape " it's not real it's not real it's not real " I repeated, the noise filling my ears becoming louded and louder with every breath I took
"Nothing is real"
Choked sobs passed my lips " no, i dont wanna believe that...dont take me back there, I dont wanna go back to the dark place." I shook my head vigorously.
"Its all a figment of your imagination"
I opened my eyes so I could make my escape the the bathroom and lock my self in the stall
"Your life is a lie"
" that's not true!" I yelled, curling in on my self " just go away, I'm getting better. I'm getting so so much better, please..." the fact that I was aware I was having an episode was good, the fact that It was happening however was not.
" you're alone, all your friends are a figment of your imagination"
My body tensed up, I didn't want to believe it. I wanted it to go away, I wanted to be better i wanted to feel normal. But i couldn't help but know the fact that it could be completely true.
Chan , minho, changbin, hyunjin, felix , seungmin. They could all be simple figments of my imagination, they could be .....
" they're not." I clenched my teeth " you talked about this in therapy, dont let it get to you...not again please!"
" hey are you ok?"
" get away from me I just wanna get normal " I spoke , covering my ears as if it would stop the voices from getting to me
" jisung calm down its chan"
My eyes burst open " channie hyung?" The noise lingered in my ears, still loud and painful but everything else seemed relatively normal
" hey sungie, are you ok? Can you let me in?" He asked sweetly
" no" I shook my head " its right...you're to good to be true...its right god no its right, just get! Out! Of! My! Head!" I headbutted my knees aggressively
" no ,Sungie. Let me in please" he spoke pleadingly
" I can't...I dont wanna look crazier than I already do" I sniffled
Chans POV
Shit.
Thats the word that came to mind in this situation, shit, jisung hasnt had an episode in a few months now. It was looking up for him ,it really was. But now here we are.
" I'm coming in" I sighed
" no!" He cried " I'm living a lie! Don't make it worse!"
I picked the lock to the door and opened it, shutting it behind us once I was in.
" jisung" i walked closer, taking his hands " touch me, look at me, smell me if youd like...just know, I'm here. I'm real." The fact that he would ever doubt that made me tear up
" but you're not" he shook his head " you could be saying that because thats what my brain told you to.." he attempted desperately to yank away his hands "leave me alone " he sobbed " how am I meant to live if I dont even know what's real?"
" jisungie " I cupped his cheek "I'm here, I've always been here and always will be . Because I love you like youre my own kid, just like the others. And I want to see you get better ... I really do"
I held his shaking body close to mine, letting him hug me as he had the mental breakdown he needed. Only talking if it was to help him with breathing or other similar things.
Jisung has always struggled, he has anxiety, depression, the schizophrenia and psychosis episodes are just the cherry on top of the cake, I will help him whatever the cost, I'm going to talk to his therapist, yoongi ,after school, I'm going to get him the help he so deserves.
