To Carry a Torch | KTH ✅

Chapter 16: Drown in You All The Way

Yeona's POV 🦋

My eyes flutter open when I feel a slight movement in the bed. At some point in the night, I must have flipped over to my other side because I realize Tae is wrapped around me now. His leg casually rests over my own as he cradles me in his arms; feeling the weight of him on me makes me feel so secure, and it breaks my heart as I realize how I have a deep desire to wake up with this man like this for the rest of my life. Tae's desire to cuddle and connect heals something deep down inside me that he will never understand.

These realizations feed my racing heart which is beating so hard now the sound is almost deafening in my ears. As I try and ground myself back in reality and calm myself, I focus on the French doors, the light streaming in, illuminating the reality of my situation.

I was so taken by surprise by Tae's request last night I forgot to pull the drapes, and when I feel his body shift slightly behind me again, I shut my eyes tightly, unsure of how to proceed. I'm not even sure why I'm pretending to still be asleep, but I feel Tae softly pat my hand and then quietly depart the bed and pad back to his room. The quiet click of the adjoining door feels amplified, the sound bouncing around the room and burrowing into my ear canal.

Rolling onto my back, I can smell the scent of his shampoo lingering on the pillow next to me, and I lay there breathing it in, wondering how I will ever be able to proceed with being his friend if I keep falling deeper in love with him every moment we spend together—this sensitive, sweet man, who unknowingly impacts my life in ways he simply does not understand. The amount I've sacrificed to be here this weekend is completely lost on him because I can never be honest with him.

How do I survive this?

💜

During the first half of the day, we shot pictures of Tae in a lovely meadow on the western part of the property. He looks like a proper gentleman as I take pictures of him sitting at a bistro set, sipping tea from a porcelain cup with tiny orange flowers hand painted on it that mimic the lovely autumn colors from the treeline in the background. He looks absolutely lovely, and I get down on the ground to incorporate the brilliant blue sky, and passing fluffy clouds. It's as if Mother Nature herself decided to gift Tae with the most magnificent weather to make up for his aching heart.

When we set up for a wardrobe change, I approach Tae and his makeup artist, "Can we try something, Tae? Could we go easy with the makeup for the next shots? Maybe remove some of it so the beauty marks on your cheek and the tip of your nose are exposed. I would love for people to really feel like they are getting a different layer of you for a change. It's these simple details that make them feel closer to you."

"Are you sure?" he asks. "You don't think it will make me look imperfect?

"We aren't trying to appeal to Idol culture here, Tae. Let's show a little bit of texture, a little bit more of the natural beauty that makes you a real relatable person. Outside of K-Pop, the rest of the world needs to feel like you are approachable; let's show them some of those imperfectly perfect features and your gorgeous honey complexion. Can we please try?" I ask gently, trying to explain to him without putting down his idol culture. I don't want him to feel like I think the company's approach in the past was wrong, but rather that we try something new for this next chapter of his career.

"I trust you," he says while locking eyes with me, and I feel the knot immediately form in my stomach, causing an instant nauseousness.

I wish you didn't trust me so easily. I don't deserve it.

When Tae returns, I can hardly keep myself focused; his skin is glowing, the makeup artist, having embraced my instructions without a fight, made him look so soft and natural. I'm reminded of how he looked when he came to my room last night; the memory makes my pulse quicken. The stylist chose a white button-down Victorian blouse with a ruffle along the buttoned seam, and delicate embroidered cuffs that flared dramatically at the wrists.