Twelve was the first time I understood the separation of the land and the sky. How distance breaks your heart when a physical presence is no longer near. A stubborn love that refuses to leave you. The eagerness to hear a voice that mirrors their soul. "Beti!"
Twelve.
Twelve was the last time I held Mumma tight. Time knew that Papa would take his last breath thereafter. He was eager to forever dance with Mumma high in the sky. Life as I knew it had left me orphaned. Fear swelled up easily without my two pillars here to comfort or celebrate with me. Who wipes the tears of sorrow? Leaving me with an heirloom of memories preciously wrapped in the values bestowed upon me and the self will to never give up. Life gave me my first taste of being coupled with my dear ones memories. "Katha, you can do this! Don't give up." Life drifted me further into the deep, building a life with strangers that meant the world to me and became apart of my family. Later life would etch four of the greatest years that dared me to dream beyond having a fairytale ending.
[a subtle pause before releasing a grinning smile]
Adi...
Meeting Aditya who's love made life peaceful again and daily life fully adventurous. He was my home. My best friend. I craved those days like a warm blanket hoping that it's comfort would stay with me forever even on its worst day. I still do! A feeling I didn't want to escape from but to immerse myself into full speed ahead. For the first time I felt my world bursting in colors with eyes as lively when my innocence was still a child. Our antics seemed silly but to us it all made sense. Adi's love had colored me RED and I was overjoyed to give him all the love I had. This love, our love ignited a new strength within me. The feeling that I could conquer anything life had set out to challenge me with. Before we knew it, these mad kids happily said "I do!" Who could tell us that we couldn't dream? that our love wasn't meant to be? that it was wrong to go against our family? Life and time finally made a covenant with fate. Fate knew it would be a life well spent where heaven had reached earth and made a home in my heart again. And our little adventures ensued later to welcome our greatest blessing, Aarav who echoed the best parts of Adi and I. Our Monkey! Our little best friend. Just as the sun rose every morning, Aarav brought immeasurable joy into our lives that filled our little home. Subsequently time knew that our perfectly knitted world was on borrowed time that neither could escape from.
After one wholesome year adoring Monkey's firsts, our world had changed forever. Tragedy has a way of striking like lighting. Unexpected leaving a lasting scar causing irreversible agony. Our perfect family was now separated until our ashes become dust. Adi left this earth leaving behind a heirloom of memories lovingly signed by another dear one. For many nights I cried for Mumma to massage my head and sing to me as I tried to sleep. For Papa to come sit with me to promise me that it'll all be alright. For Adi to comeback so life could be maddening again. My best friend and my two pillars physical presence were gone. memories. Somewhere within me got the courage to get up, to honor love and to create a loving world for Monkey and me. "Katha, you can do this! Don't give up." Neither a pleasant day or a callous night goes by where I don't long to speak, to feel and be warmed by Adi's love. "My warm blanket come home and visit us soon."
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Twelve seasons in passing Monkey would be diagnosed with blood cancer. I wouldn't let the same cancer that took Mumma be what sealed our greatest gift fate. Fear wouldn't let me give in it was was time and we were going to win. Five years later after great struggle Aarav, his army and I was told that he would live. That his magic treatment had worked and energy saver mode was now off. five additional agonizing years soilder with Aarav's army we would fight to ensure that he was healthy until we could fund his magic treatment for the chance to live out his dreams.
years later [after multiple doctors visit Monkey would be diagnosed with blood cancer.] the doctor would diagnose Monkey with blood cancer. The same cancer that went to war with Mumma when I was twelve. This time I couldn't give into my fears because Aarav needed a fighting chance. My fears this time wouldn't let me give in because I had challenged it because I intended to do everything to ensure he has a fighting chance. Five years of numerous doctors visits, breathing songs, ESM on, praying, working tiredly with multiple jobs and saving to fund his treatment and
We were determined to overcome and beat it. No way was I allowing this rough tide in life win this battle against a loving Mom. My son had dreams and I aimed to help him fulfill them. He carried his fathers eyes. I'd see glimpses of his Papa 🫶🏽
Who massages my head and sings to me as I close my eyes to sleep? Who will scold me when wrong?] As life drifted me further into the deep, strangers with whom I built a life with and meant the world to me became my family. [There was no escaping it. I welcomed it. immersing myself full speed ahead.]
Five years of numerous doctors visits, breathing songs, ESM on, praying, working tiredly with multiple jobs and saving to fund his treatment and
Monkey has grown to big and strong. He reminds me of you. We've promised to keep Adi's spirit alive when I share stories and include you within our future plans. I was content even though Adi's family didn't accept us. A love that was physically short lived I became accustomed to living with loving memories and through these memories and Aarav it was as if time stood still and your closeness was felt as I took my next breath. a parent would lose a son, our son would lose his Dad, and I would lose my lover and my friend.
