"My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude."
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Throughout the ages of twelve to fifteen, all I focused on was my physical appearance. It meant more to me than the average person to look and feel good about myself.
I started wearing makeup when I was thirteen, and it definitely boosted my confidence, to say the least. Amora always wanted me to "accept" my natural beauty and told me that if I wanted boys to notice me, I should wear less makeup and just be myself. I always found it ironic since she never seems to show anyone her bare face.
But I still ignored her.
I knew I wasn't doing it for boys, I was doing it for myself. And of course, it was easy for her to say.
All she has to do is flutter her eyelashes and flash a fake smile to get any boy to fall at her feet. There were even rumors at my school that she fucked the French teacher who was married with two kids. I never bothered to ask her if it was true, mostly because I didn't want to know.
But I realized later that the more time I spent in front of the mirror, the more insecure I got. So I toned the makeup down, and now I go for a more natural, "glowy" look. Something Amora approved of, even if she still caked on the makeup.
Of course, I've had men ask me out, and I've had a few dates before, but I've never been able to get the guy I actually want. Mostly because I've never tried, a problem I've had since I was a little girl. I find it easy to give up, and that's one of the worst traits about me. So I've been single my entire eighteen years, even if I don't regret it. I don't want to date someone because I want a boyfriend. I want to actually see myself with that person, and I want them to actually see themselves with me.
But recently I've been running out of options. I'm attending online college, leaving me stuck with the guys in my small town.
I've always known I was smart. That has always been something I know I am, but unfortunately, something my parents don't point out too often. I feel almost like I'm wasting potential with the whole online college shit, but since I already have a career drive of being a pilot, I feel like getting into a serious college isn't something I need.
Although my mother always points out my indecisiveness, I've always known I wanted to be a pilot. Ever since I've seen airplanes land and take off, it's been a fascination of mine.
Even if I'm scared of heights.
However, for now I'm happy in my room, living in my shell, where it's safe and protected. Except for when I have to be social, a trait I most definitely lack.
"Mama!" I call, waiting until I hear her footsteps ascending into my room. "What should I wear?"
The door creaks open as she peeks her head inside, giving me a flat look. "We have to be at the cafe in ten minutes, Tierra. What have you been doing this whole time?"
