July 1977
"It won't always be like this, you know?" Roger whispered, gently stroking Victoria's blonde hair. The blonde lay on the grass, her head in her lover's lap as Lola and Roger Jr. played tag in the fields, occasionally being scalded by their father whenever one of them ventured too close to the river. Victoria hummed, half-distracted as she played with Athenais' hair.
"Like what?" Victoria queried. She couldn't find anything wrong with their current state, any cause for complaint. Lounging in the shade of the oak tree – that special place she had carved out for her and her lover – in the late summer sun, her family's musical laughter floating through the air, she couldn't think of any place else she would rather be.
"Me, going off on tour every few months or going to record" Roger sighed, placing an affectionate peck on her forehead. "Being here, instead. Being a proper husband, a proper father, like you all deserve" She could hear the tears catching in his throat. Reminding her of what tomorrow would bring, after their months of relative quietude in the British countryside, raising their little family in an old barn they had renovated into a quaint, summer home. No record label, no band, no rockstar. Just Roger.
"Roger, I knew this was going to happen when I married you" she reminded him, as she twiddled her wedding ring. The sapphire dazzled in the sunlight. "I'm not saying it's ideal, or that it won't hurt, but it's just a few months, and then you'll be back, for a little while" She tried to reassure him, although the words rang hollow. They both knew that once News of the World was recorded, the band would be forced back onto the road, prolonging their separation. Neither of them wanted to voice that.
Roger still looked uncertain. After all these years, Victoria could read his face like a book. She understood his emotions better than her own. Carefully, she placed Athenais back into her stroller, before she sat before her lover, cupping his face softly in her hands. Her light summer skirt floated around her. She looked almost heavenly. Her skin was fresh, make-up free, basking in the low, summer evening light. He could trace her every freckle.
"You'll be back before you know it. This album, this tour, whatever it is, will never be enough to break us apart, this family apart. We both love each other, okay? And that's all that matters. No matter how long you're away, that will never change. Even if you were away for months and months at a time, and we became near strangers, they couldn't break us apart, okay?" She insisted, silently brushing away his tears. Their presence did little to mar his smile as he gazed up at her, his love. Trying to remember the contours of her face in the dimming light. How she looked prettiest like this, her face bare and pale in the dying light.
"You're right" he conceded. "But either way, one day, I'm going to make this all up to you. One day, Queen will be over, touring will be over, and I'll come back to you, and I'll be the best husband I can be. I'll take the back seat, be the one at home with the kids for a few years, so you can be in the spotlight. I promise you" he vowed, his arms wrapping around her waist as he pulled her in for a soft, caressing kiss. She could feel his smile against her own. "What did I do to deserve a woman like you?" he mused.
"I don't know" Victoria purred. "But you're going to have to work hard to keep me. I expect phone calls every day, and you home at least once every two months for a decent home-cooked meal, no matter how much of a rockstar you become. And if you take longer than five years to get all this rockstar stuff out of your head so I can take over, I'm gonna be smashing every record you send me" she warned him, jokingly. He chuckled, in that light, easy way only she could draw out of him.
"I expect nothing less" he chuckled.
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July 1982
"It won't always be like this, you know" he whispered, his voice almost inaudible against the waves of the creek. She ignored him, her back to him, her hard flint eyes fixated on the declining sun as she cradled the babe in her arms. The elder children played in the field, their childish games within hearing distance of the bickering couple. Freddie, Brian, and Deaky lingered in the foreground, preoccupied with stoking the dying coals of the barbecue. Veronica and Mary, their closest compatriots, stood less than 15 meters away, just out of hearing distance. She had stormed over here for some quietude, but even here, that was a myth. There was no outlet for their emotions, not anymore. They didn't even fight.
He gazed into her hard, over-shadowed eyes, looking for some spark. Some sign of life. He found none. Only exhaustion. The menacing shadows on her drawn face made her seem older, more withdrawn, somehow.
"Roger, let's not do this now" Victoria sighed, pulling down her sunglasses to hide the tears in her eyes. "I don't want to fight with you" she whispered, pathetically.
"I meant what I said, all those years ago, you know? That one day, Queen will be over and there will be time for us" he reminded her.
Queen is barely hanging on by a thread right now, Tori. I'm barely hanging on by a thread right now.
"Roger, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to part hearing promises we both know you don't mean. Please, stop, it's just painful" She brushed off his touch with a sigh, storming across the field before an argument could ensue, her dark skirt billowing around her. He'd been gone for months, almost a year, and he was going to be gone for a similar amount of time once again. She didn't know if she could forgive him for leaving her again.
Roger sighed, the ghost of a promise haunting his cracked lips.
A promise made in 1977, repeated in 1978, whispered in 1979, broken in 1980, reinforced in 1981, rejected in 1982.
A promise made six times, but never fulfilled.
I know these past few years haven't been easy for you. I know I've beendistant, that it must appear to you at times like I prioritise Queen above you,above this family, and perhaps you are right. But one day, my dear, Queen willbe over, or at least at a stage where it doesn't require quite as much effort.And when then happens, I will come back to you, and I'll make up for all thoseyears we've been apart. I'll be the perfect husband, the man you deserve. Queenwill take a back seat, so you can focus on what you want to focus on for a fewyears. Whether it's going back to tattooing, or something completely different,I'll be the supportive spouse, and take care of the kids for a few years.I can't say when that day will be. And there will be some moments when itappears as though I've forgotten this promise, but I mean it with all my heart.It comes second to only my wedding vows. I haven't forgotten those either.Whenever you feel mad, or empty, or confused about our vows, come here to theriver, to remember me, to remember the good times, to remember that I love you.Just promise me you won't give up on me, my dear. I know I don't deserve you,but I can't bear to lose you. And I'm starting to fear I already have
