Faded Memories (Guns N Roses - Izzy / Axl / OC)

Been there, done that

November 21, 2012

'Come on, Mom. You must have something cool to wear.' Melissa rolled her eyes. She was annoyed. I could tell. Packing really wasn't my strength.
After ripping apart my entire wardrobe, she was close to giving up on me. I chuckled.
'Honey, what do you expect me to wear? Fishnets and a miniskirt? I'm 42 for god's sake.' She sat down on the bed and looked up to me.
'And? You're still hot. I won't let you go to a rock concert in plain jeans and t-shirt, mom.'
I shrugged. 'I've been wearing skinny jeans and t-shirt to all concerts in the past. It always suited me well.'
Melissa let out a groan. 'Mom, we could easily pass as sisters. I don't want you going with mom-clothes. I want you to look hot so we could sneak backstage.'
I laughed and raised an eyebrow. 'So, you want to sneak backstage? Who are you hoping to meet? Axl Rose? He's like 50 by now, honey.'
She made a face. 'Eww. No way. But maybe we can hook you up with old Izzy Stradlin.' She wiggled her eyebrows like this was the best idea ever. She had no idea what she was talking about.

I dug through my clothes. 'Been there, done that.' I mumbled to myself, not noticing that this came out a little bit lauder than intended.
'What?' Melissa jumped up. 'You've got to be kidding me.'
Oh, crap.
She gave me a suspecious look. 'You never told me you were a groupie, mom. But I should've known. Look at all those pictures of him.' She groaned, waving her hand at the walls of my bedroom. 
'What?' I said with a shrug. Yeah, totally creepy for an adult to have a teenage fan-like bedroom. I knew that.

'I knew it. I knew you and dad split up because of him. Did you cheat on dad during a concert or something?' Melissa didn't shut up.
God, this was it. That moment I hoped it would never come.
I stopped folding my shirts and sighed. I sat down on the bed next to her and looked at her seriously.
'Honey. I've never been a groupie. Seriously. But I hooked up with Izzy. Once.' I told her and she frowned.
'So you really did cheat on dad?' She looked broken for a split second.
I shook my head. 'Not really. I was in college. Your dad and I weren't exclusive or anything at that time. But still...' I sighed. 'I shouldn't have married him in the first place. But I was so god damn young.'
'I dealt with you guys splitting up a long time ago. You always said you didn't love him.' She sighed  'But you never mentioned that you were madly in love with a rock star. That is so cool, mom.' Was she serious? She gave me an approving look.
'I've never gotten over him, I guess. It's embarrassing.' I said plainly.
'Wow. It's quite a shock to discover that your mother's had a wild side when she was young. When did you guys meet? How did you even meet him? Come on, mom. Spill.' Melissa leaned back to the headboard of the bed looking at me in excitement.
'Aunt April and I went to one of the concerts near San Francisco. They were opening for Iron Maiden in 1988. That was a huge show.' I sighed. 'Aunt April managed to get us backstage.'
Melissa's eyes widened. 'Aunt April was with you? That bitch! She never told me a word about this.'

I chuckled. 'I made her swear never to tell anybody. Threatened her to tell everybody she made a complete fool of herself trying to throw herself at Axl Rose.'
She wrinkled her nose. 'Aunt April and Axl Rose? Awesome. Tell me more.'
'Nah. She never got the chance. But she tried hard. She never told me who she was actually with that day.'
Melissa shook her head in disbelieve. 'I really can't believe you never told me that. You used to tell me all about these great GNR concerts. Even the few Izzy Stradlin concerts you've been to. You never even mentioned you knew him.'
I looked at her sadly. 'Cause there's more to that story.'
'What more?' Melissa asked suspiciously.
I sighed and I couldn't help for a tear escaping my eye. I felt like shit. But this was my own damn mistake. I should've told her sooner.
Swallowing the knot in my throat, I looked at her intensively.
'You know. Robert didn't suddenly move out because I had an affair or something.' I took a deep breath. 'Honey, he left because he found out he's not your biological father.'

I shut my eyes and tried to hold my tears. She would hate me now. That was for sure. I tried to tell her for several years now. But I never found the right time or the right words for this.
Even though I didn't mention who her biological father was, I was sure she figured it out. Hopefully this shit wouldn't rip us apart.
When I didn't hear any response for a minute, I opened my eyes and wiped my face. She just sat there, opening and closing her mouth like she wanted to say something but couldn't find any words. Yeah honey, I get it.
Suddenly she jumped off the bed and glared at me. Sure, she was mad. I was expecting that.
'You've got to be fucking kidding me.' She breathed heavily. '23 years? Mom? 23 fucking years? You never said a fucking word about this, and suddenly I have a rock star for a dad?'
'Words, young lady. No reason for swearing here.' I switched to mom-mode. Great move, Ana.
Melissa snorted. 'No reason? Are you fucking insane, mom? You just ripped my world apart. Everything I know is a fucking lie.' She ran a hand over her face. 'Does he even know? Did you ever try to let him know?'
I shook my head. 'We didn't have mobile phones back then. I left him my number but he never called.' I pulled a tissue out of a box on my nightstand and sniffed. 'I wrote him letters. Like a lot. I guess someone must have gotten them because they were never returned to sender, but he never saw them I guess.'
'Letters? Really, mom? You never thought of taking a lawyer to get to him?'
I shrugged. She was right. I should've done everything to get in touch with him.
'I was 18 for god's sake. When I found out that I was pregnant, I was terrified. You could've been also Robert's child, you know? I found out much later that you couldn't be his. You just look so much like Izzy.'
Melissa took the framed picture of Izzy from my nightstand and looked at it for a minute.
My heart broke when I saw her sad face. I never intended to hurt her.
'I wonder what he is like. I don't know anything about him. You didn't even tell me anything.' She let out a sigh. 'I can't deal with that at the moment. I need to get out of here and clear my head.' Taking the picture with her, she turned and ran off. Leaving me behind with all the old feelings that I'd tried to burry so desperately.