Faded Memories (Guns N Roses - Izzy / Axl / OC)

Confessions

Axl

I seriously thought of telling her how I felt. Telling her all the little details. How I loved her hair, her smell and the little noises she made when we fucked. The way she moved on the dance floor, how she giggled and made me forget my own fucking name when she had her lips on my cock. She was far from perfect but everything I ever imagined that would be perfect for me. She laughed if I'd screwed up, rolled her eyes if I overdramatized things and she always poked her finger into my chest to prove her point. I loved everything about her and I was desperate to tell her that.
But Izzy running in on us fucking on that god damn desk changed things.
Not that it had any effect on my feelings for Mel, but that look on Izzy's face crept me out.

Izzy had been my friend for more than a couple of decades.
He was the only one who ever put up with my shit. And he still did. So I felt fucking guilty for putting this shit on his plate.
Izzy had a point. Where the fuck was that heading?
I never had a knack for relationships. Hell, my ex-wife even tried to get me into jail for rape. Who on gods earth would even try to take things seriously with me?
Even if Melissa did, I wasn't sure if I wanted her to. She was way too young to put up with my fucking past and all that other shit I was carrying around.
Not speaking of Izzy. He knew me for decades and saw me doing a lot of fucked up things. Although he did some shit himself, I surely wasn't the man a father would wish for his little girl. Even if we were talking about Izzy Stradlin here.

So I did the only thing that made sense to me: I ran.
Drowning my sorrow in Jack Daniels and popping pills to keep me sane I avoided everything that reminded me of Mel.
After listening to the first ten voice mails, I smashed my phone into the wall.
I just couldn't take it. But trying to forget her was so much worse.
Then she suddenly showed up at my front gate. Damn, she was mad as fuck.
Standing beside her car, glaring into the camera yelling like a lunatic, she looked so fucking beautiful. My heart just skipped a beat. I really shouldn't have looked at her, because when I saw her crying I couldn't keep myself from pushing the door opener.

'Seriously, Axl?' She looked at me, raising one of her perfect eyebrows.
I kept her gaze, pushing my hair out of my face.
Damn, I suddenly felt disgusting. I hadn't shaved or showered in more than a week.
'What are you doing here, Mel?' I asked. She blinked, looking at me like I was a lunatic or something.
'Are you out of your fucking mind?' She exploded. 'We got caught fucking on my god damn desk. Then you just bail on me, not answering any of my messages and now you're seriously asking me what I'm doing here? Sometimes I think you're retarded. I swear, Axl.'
God, I loved when she got mad.
'I had to think.' I responded, not exactly knowing how to put it out straight to her.
'About what, Axl?' She asked, waving her hands furiously. 'What the hell is this? You wanna break up? Then have the fucking balls to say it.'

My heart dropped and I jumped immediately. I didn't want to lose her. There was no way in hell I was going to let her go. What was killing me was that I couldn't stay with her either. This situation was so fucked up.
When I slowly walked up to her I saw tears in her eyes. That woman was full of surprises. I never expected her to cry over anything. She usually was so fucking tough all the time.
She suddenly turned her back to me, when I almost reached up to her. Burying her face in her hands she sobbed endlessly. It nearly broke my heart. I was such a jackass sometimes.
I wrapped my arms around her waist, pressing body into mine and nuzzling into the crook of her neck.

'I love you, you know?' I suddenly heard myself say. 'I love you so fucking much that it hurts. And I have no clue how to handle that shit.'
Feeling her shaking and sobbing, I pulled her even closer. Did she even hear what I said?
'This is way over my head, baby. I don't know what to do here.' I mumbled into her skin.
I could feel her tense up and her sobbing stopped. When she let out a deep sigh, fear crawled over me. Before I could even ask myself what that' supposed to mean, I heard her small voice.
'I'm pregnant.'

I should've been scared like shit, right? A fifty year old fuck up with a criminal record from here to fucking Europe, knocking up a girl not even half his age. What kind of a dad would I make?
Curiously it didn't feel strange at all. It felt damn right.
Turning Mel towards me, I needed to check if I got this right.
'You... uh... what?' God, I sounded like a retard. She had been fucking right all along.
'I'm pregnant.' She said again, her voice much firmer than before. 'Before you say anything, let me put this straight: I'm going to keep the baby, Axl.' She added.
I blinked. Was she fucking serious? She didn't just imply that I might ask her to get a fucking abortion, right? Damn, I loved kids.

'Why the fuck would you even think I don't want that baby, Mel? I fucking love kids. Everyone knows that.' I looked at her speechlessly.
'I...I didn't...I just thought...' She shrugged and took a breath. 'I'm scared as shit, Axl. And you, avoiding me didn't really help.'
Running a hand over my face, I scratched the stubbles of my beard. Shit.
I looked disgusting. Unshaved and smelly, just wearing my boxers and a bathrobe. I seriously needed a shower.

And after that, I was going to ask her to marry me.
God help me to finally get something right in my fucking life.