Solitude: Alone, Together

Chapter 5

Selea found herself less and less inclined to keep track of time the longer she stayed in Clockwork City. She'd happily disappeared from life on Tamriel, leaving the saving to other heroes.

One day, as both Sotha Sil and Selea Arcillius sat in her workroom in the Observatory, tinkering on projects of their own design, she brought up something she'd been considering. "How long has it been since I returned to Clockwork City and began my life here? In mortal years, I mean?"

Sil considered her question a moment. "One hundred and twenty eight years by mortal standards of time measurement."

She stopped what she was doing and looked up, staring out the window ahead of her. "I'm an Imperial, Sil. We've never discussed the fact that I don't seem to age. Have you considered it?"

"I hadn't given consideration to the thought, but in doing so now, I would conjecture that it has something to do with the events that led to your ending up in Coldharbour."

She nodded. "That was my estimation as well. I wonder how long I will live?"

"We all wonder that."

"Do you?"

Sil gave a slight shrug. "I ponder the end of my existence."

"Do you see it?"

"There are many paths, one cannot precisely determine which one you'll end up on."

"Actions and consequences," she stated.

"Indeed."

"But you call others mortal. You've called me mortal. I assumed that meant you were not mortal."

Sil let out a sigh. A rare occurrence. "I am closer to mortality now than ever before. And perhaps you are closer to immortal than my original calculations."

"I never ask you what is occurring outside the walls of the City. I assume that if I needed to know, you would tell me."

"All you need to know is that you are safe within these walls. I will continue to protect you and your presence here for as long as I can."

"Thank you, Sil. Really. I never expected to be able to live this long here. I never expected I'd be alive this long, much less in peace."

"Then I am continuing to succeed in my goal."

They worked in silence for a bit longer before she pondered another question. "Where would you go, Sil? If you did become mortal again. If you had to leave the City."

"Where would you go? If you had to leave the City?"

"I believe I would go back to Artaeum. It is beautiful there, in a different way than here. If not there, then perhaps Summerset."

"Not back home, to Cyrodil?"

"Bah," she scoffed. "If it's anything now like it was then, I'll stay away, thank you. Summerset felt more like home than anywhere... till I came here."

"Intriguing that you feel more at home in lands largely occupied by mer than man."

"Intriguing that I am also living out the lifespan more suited for a mer than man, wouldn't you say?"

He nodded. "Artaeum is satisfactory. I shouldn't mind being there. Summerset is equally satisfactory."

"Not Morrowind?"

"I love my people, but I echo your sentiments about your own homeland."

She smiled. "Is it coincidence that you find the places I would go to be satisfactory?"

"Perhaps your age is affecting you more than originally thought, Selea—have you forgotten that I do not believe in coincidence?"

She paused from her tinkering and looked across the room at him where he stood, bent over some new automaton he was working on. First she was taken aback by his humor—he always slipped it in when she least expected it, much to her delight. But then the gravity of his statement hit her even harder. "Sil, are you saying that you would go there because I was there?"

He straightened himself, setting down the tool he'd held in his hand and interlacing his hands in front of him as he gazed across the room at her. "Indeed."

She smiled. After one hundred and twenty eight years, he still could surprise her. She swallowed slowly and stood. If only her long life kept her from getting stiff joints when she sat for long periods of time. She started to walk across the room, and he did the same. They met near the middle, only about a foot separating them. She craned her neck to look up at him till he, as he had become in the practice of doing, levitated her to look him in the eye as they discussed some topic while standing eye to eye. She'd become accustomed to it, and added her thoughts on the matter. "Grow old together, hmm? Allow old age to overtake us in some villa along the shores of Artaeum? Tinkering away till we fall into eternal slumber sitting at our workbenches?"

"I do not find the thought unpleasant, do you?"

"No, I do not," she said quietly.

Another sigh. She determined that Sil was feeling particularly pensive today—something he rarely gave himself the benefit of, and only ever when he was in her presence. "As I said, however, there are many paths, and one does not know which one you will end up on."

"But it is nice to consider the more pleasant paths one might end up on, isn't it?"

"I cannot afford myself the opportunity to do it often. But here, with you, in the safety of the Observatory—yes, it is... nice."

She smiled. Sil had indeed lived up to her request all those years ago when she invited him to stay for dinner on the evening he'd gifted her with the Observatory as her new home. She asked him to be real with her, to not put on pretense or be something he didn't wish to be for her sake. Over time, on occasion, he'd reveal something about himself—a desire, a regret—he didn't hold on to those too long, as typically he'd stored away any memory that could cause such feeling and emotion so that they didn't muddle his thoughts as he had to consider everyone else.