The Crocus Lawn// Levi x reader BOOK 1

VI

Farlan wasn't coming back. Your own blood, your brother.
Neither was little Isobel, someone who you were genuinely excited to get to know.
Instead, their grumpy little friend whom hadn't spoken a word to you was still alive.
You thought maybe losing Farlan may not have been so hard if Isobel was still there to tell you all about him, but you were stuck with a stoic man who wouldn't even look your way.
Of course, Rico and Nanaba stood beside you at the funeral.
It was customary for citizens to have two weeks bereavement, but soldiers were only afforded one.
In the end you had to thank Hange that you got any bereavement leave at all, what with neither you nor your brother having solid paperwork to prove a relation.
Nanaba was only granted the afternoon off the Scout base for the funeral, as was the rest of the Survey Corps. It had been a fatal mission.
The three of you sat in silence in the mess hall. It had been Nanaba's first mission, at least she was back safe.

"I... I've been talking to Hange," Nanaba began, taking a book out of her bag, "we thought you might like this book, it's about plants and stuff"

You carefully took the book from her hands, they were shaking slightly.
The book falling apart at the binding, but the pages themselves seemed fine. They were covered in beautifully coloured illustrations of all sorts of plants and flowers, as well as their practical uses and symbolic meanings.
You'd never owned a book before, you weren't the most prolific reader either, but the pretty pictures in the book made up for that.

"This is beautiful, thank you,"

As you flipped across some of the pages, and an idea settled itself in your head.

"Do you think we might be allowed to pick flowers for the pyre?"

The three of you were given leave to head to a small flower shop before the funerals started. In truth, it wasn't really a flower shop, just a small shop front to a house that grew a myriad of plants in their garden. Most of the stock consisted of herbs, some fresh, and some dried. Some of the herbs and plants had been blended into tea mixes, which you decided to buy.
The lady who ran the shop invited you into her back garden and handed you a pair of sheers.

"Pick what you want, lovely. This one's on the house,"

You decided on a brilliant purple flower, it shot up from the ground with clusters of tiny star-shaped flowers engulfing the tip of the stem. You carried it carefully back to the base, and lay it at the feet of your brother. Or at least, you hoped his feet were still there. The bodies were so carefully wrapped so that their loved ones might not know how much of the body was still actually there.
On second thoughts, you moved with right between Farlan and Isobel, so that they might share the flower.
From flipping through your new book you found it was a hyacinth, you hoped they would find it pretty.
It was such a childish thought, that your dead family might fret over the aesthetics of a flower, that you began to cry. It was so overwhelming, you felt as though you were choking.

"Here, I brewed some tea,"

You turned your head, it was the stoic man your brother had been friends with.
Your hands shook as you took the cup from his, smelling the sweet aromas of the drink. There was definitely honey in it.

"Thank you, I'm sorry I've been hogging their spot. You knew him for longer than I ever did," you say, sighing.

He nodded, but didn't gesture for you to move.

"They'll be lighting it up soon, you might want to step back," you said, nodding towards the soldiers who were making their way along the rows of bodies, torches in hand.
The shrouds blinked alight suddenly as the torch passed them, and continued to burn as the bodied they hid were engulfed in flame.
The pair of you stepped back as the soldiers passed by Isobel and Farlan, and they too were set ablaze.
You looked over at the man next to you, looking at him properly for the first time.
In the late afternoon sun, the back of his coal black hair shone in the glow of the dying sun. His face was illuminated by the blazing light of the pyre. The skin of his face was so pale and ghostly it seemed almost transparent, and the light of the fire seemed to reflect from within. He turned his eyes towards you, and you realised they were a light shade of steel grey. Underground eyes, underground skin. You realised this man's family had been down there for generations, not like Farlan and yours.

"My name's Levi, by the way," he said, extending his hand towards you, "I don't think we were formally introduced,"
You smiled slightly, shaking his hand. You thought that was his name, but it seemed rude to ask at this point.
Your breath hitched in your throat as you released hands, something inside you hadn't been ready to let go of that lifeline.
You hadn't been ready to let go of your first lifeline, yet there he was, flesh burning away and floating into the evening sky, just a few feet away from you.

——————
Rico had to drag you from your bed the morning after your bereavement had ended, you just weren't ready.

"Spud, cmon get up," she said, tugging at your blanket.

"That isn't even my name,"

"Ok, Isla,"

"Do not call me that, I haven't been Isla in years,"

"Well what was your name when you came to the kitchen then? Before Spud."

"Saffron," you said, finally emerging from your covers. You began brushing out your hair, it really needed it.

"God, I don't even like that name, there's no way youre wanting that one back," Rico retorted.

Shaking your head, you let out a shaky laugh.

"No, I didn't pick it, it was just the name on the documents that got me out of..." you faltered, unsure of yourself. Rico wouldn't judge you, she probably already knew, but it wasn't something you wanted to face so head on, not without your brother...

"The Underground, right?" She asked, handing you your uniform.

You nodded in response.

"Is that the name you joined the Training Corps under?"

You nodded again.

"Well you're in the Garisson now, we can just change it,how about that?" She asked, lifting your head up.

You smiled then.

"Ok, after todays watch, I'll change it," you said, quietly.

You told Rico the name you had decided to settle on.

"That's a pretty name, it suits you,"

—————

The patrol over the walls seemed to take an age that day, you were relived when your shift ended. The first thing you did was change your name, renouncing the names given to you before.
It meant a lot to have it there officially. It also meant it would be easier for Rico to address letters to you when her posting in Shiganshina was over, a day that the pair of you dreaded yet was quickly approaching.
By the end of summer, she would be gone.
You were thankful that Hannes had a permanent posting here. Drunk and disorderly as he was, at least he was nice to you.
For the first rookie years of your life as a Garrison soldier, you would be moved around to various districts, eventually you would have the choice to permanently settle at one of the districts along Wall Maria, or continue to be rotated around the interior walls.
For the moment, you and Rico were planning to both settle along Maria, which would allow you each to start a family if you wanted, or offer you the stability that you craved.
Looking at your book of plants, you decided being able to start a garden and tend to it was the kind of stability you would be happy to settle for.

—————

A/N: Sorry if anyone's name is Saffron, I do actually think its a nice name, but plot.