Niles was, at long last, in front of Miles' apartment. He knocked curtly on the door with a Thrasher hoodie in his other arm.
Miles opened the door with the same tired expression on his face as the night before, but sadder. He was looking at the floor, not letting Niles see his eyes.
"I came to give this back," Niles started. Miles continued to stare at the floor. "You left it at my dorm when we watched that movie together."
"I did that on purpose."
"Yeah, I figured." Miles didn't reach out for the hoodie nor did Niles offer it. "...Can I fix this?" Niles asked.
Miles sighed dejectedly. He still didn't say anything.
"Why are you doing this?" Niles couldn't control his confusion and sadness anymore. "I already lost you once.... If you really want me to go, I'll respect your wishes, but I don't understand why you would want to–want to lose each other again."
"Don't–" Miles started, interrupting himself with a sniffle. "Don't even say that."
"Miles, what's happening?"
"...I'm...scared."
"Of what?"
"Fucking up. Losing you again."
Niles hushed his voice to a pained whisper. "But I'm right here."
Miles kept his eyes locked on the floor, then shook his head and let a cold expression take over. "You don't even want to be with me."
"Why do you get to decide what I want?" Niles defended.
Miles looked Niles in the eyes. "I could see that Austin wanted you, at least." He spat the name.
"Miles, Austin harassed me."
His eyes shooting wide open, Miles realized his mistake. Time seemed to slow to a stop as Miles let the reality of it sink in. What had he misinterpreted this time? What had he ruined?
"He tried to pressure me into a date," Niles continued.
"Oh, my God, I'm so sorry." Miles' hands found their way to his hair, pulling the strands taut. "I'm so, so, sorry–fuck–are you okay?"
"I'll feel better if you let me in."
"Come in." The concern etched onto Miles' face stayed while he watched Niles help himself to Miles' apartment in relief. "I'm so, so sorry. I'm so stupid and I probably ruined your week being dumb and—"
"Please, shut up." Niles breathed as he relaxed into Miles' couch, his hands empty and Miles' sweatshirt beside his shoulder. His eyes were closed and his sigh left him sinking further into the cushions; he didn't mean anything but that he needed a break.
Miles silently but hesitantly, anxiously, joined Niles on the couch and sat a good, friendly distance from him. Miles watched the rise and exhausted fall of Niles' chest, not sure what he was waiting for. "We can talk about this later, but for now, I'm tired," Niles said, keeping his eyes closed.
After a beat of silence, Niles opened an eye to side eye Miles. "Actually, can I... rest on your shoulder?" Niles asked quietly.
A confused pause. "Sure."
Niles scooted over and slumped to rest his head on Miles' shoulder, his cheek rubbing on Miles' shirt as he adjusted his position. "Thanks," Niles whispered.
Miles thought for a second, probably a little harder than he had to. "You're my best friend. You always will be." A short pause passed as Miles realized the weight of his words. "I won't say too much 'cause I know you wanted to talk about it later, but thank you. For everything."
A short pause. "Of course."
Everything fell back into place.
...
Not much could happen before curiosity and tension urged the two to have the conversation. Niles was still exhausted on the couch, and it was Miles, ambling idly around the open space between the living room and the kitchen, who started the conversation.
"Honestly," he took a short pause, letting Niles realize what conversation was about to happen, "seeing you try to give my hoodie back was scary."
"Sorry." Niles studied the floor. "I just feel like no matter what was going on, if you needed space, you needed space."
A tense beat of silence passed. "Thanks."
"...Was it the right choice?"
The question hung in the air like fog. "I don't know. It was scary even though I needed it at the same time," Miles answered.
Niles stood up from the couch and turned towards Miles, but continued to study the floor instead of meeting his gaze. "I don't ever want you to be scared. I know sometimes it's not easy, but could you tell me what you need? I don't want to have to guess between chasing you down and backing off. And I don't want you asking me to leave if you have something to say."
Niles' eyebrows furrowed and his eyes closed like he was holding back tears. "You know me. You know how important you are to me, I hope." His voice hushed to a whisper. "Just, please, take it easy on me. I would do anything you wanted me to, exactly how you asked me to. I don't want you harming yourself through me."
"I know. I'm sorry for making you do that."
"... I'll be okay."
A beat of silence. "You're saying... you would do anything for me?"
Niles met Miles' eyes, his heart in his throat. "Yes," Niles replied without hesitation.
The two stared at each other with the most serious, pleading expressions they'd ever exchanged. Until Niles cracked a smile. "Well. More or less."
"Shut up!" Miles laughed, crossing the room and wrapping Niles in a close hug. "Shut up. Thank you. I missed you."
"I missed you, too," Niles said into Miles' shoulder. "Can I ask you something dumb?"
"Always."
"Can I have your hoodie back?" Niles asked. Miles smiled at the request.
"Of course." Miles walked to the couch where Niles had set the hoodie down earlier, and Niles followed. They both slumped on the couch and Miles grabbed the hoodie and offered it to Niles. "Also," Miles smiled to himself, "I'd do anything for you, too."
Niles smiled back, accepting the hoodie. "You don't have to say it back."
"Well, still," Miles continued, sobering slightly. "I... I don't always do or say the right things, and I can't promise you I will in the future, but I want you to know I'll always try my best. I want to be... what you need. What we need. As much as I can."
"What we need," Niles repeated, hushed.
A few moments of silence passed, but these were light and sweet, like normal lapses in a conversation between friends. "I still want to think about a future with you," Niles continued slowly. "But I'm scared of going too fast."
"That's okay," Miles said. "I'm sorry for causing all this mess in the first place. But we can talk about anything."
"You don't have to apologize anymore, remember?" Niles smiled. "And yeah. I wanna talk through whatever you want to talk through."
"Awesome." Miles smiled back.
"Awesome," Niles whispered, closing his eyes and resting his head on Miles' shoulder again. They were both at complete and hopeful peace.
