White Orchids {BOOK 1 COMPLETED}

Chapter 40

When the meeting is over everyone leaves the hall, and Clover ignores me as he passes by. Sun gives me a worried glance and I have a feeling it isn't about Clover, but about what we're doing tomorrow. Pýrgous. That's what they had called the world. A world devoured by darkness – whatever that meant. No one had explained. No one wanted to talk about it.

When I'm heading towards the Citadel's exit I'm approached by another skeleton with an animal-skull as a head. One I've never seen before. It looks similar to Wolf's cranium but smaller. It's dressed entirely in white, fitting disturbingly well on the bony body.

"Soul wanderer Orchid?"

"Yeah?"

"Guardian Cerberus has asked you to accompany me. He wants to see you. Please follow me."

I follow it back into the long and narrow corridors of the citadel.

I had never seen Cerberus react as strongly as he did in that meeting hall. He had always seemed like one of the calmest guardians, but today I had seen another side of him.

I love our worlds. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them. That was what Cerberus had said by the well. I understand the worry he had over the fact that the other guardians – except First – accepted Clover's defense so easily.

"What does he want?"

"To speak of Pýrgous. Among other things," the skeleton answers in its booming voice.

So there are other things he wants to talk about.

The skeleton stops and steps aside while pointing to an open door. The room beyond is filled with murals but doesn't have a single furniture. Cerberus is standing inside, looking out through a window. He turns his scarred face when I step into the room. He's not smiling, doesn't have the same warm-hearted face I've gotten used to. He looks angry, but the room doesn't feel heavy and suffocating like he's trying to keep the emotions in control to not scare me.

"I am disappointed," he says and looks out of the window, with his hands clasped behind his back.

I take a few more steps inside, it's coal-black outside the only window in the room.

"I gave you a lot. Too much."

I try to find something to say, some excuse to why I lied. Something that could explain why I did what I did. But I cannot blame it on anything but myself, and even that would make it sound like I'm defending myself.

"I expected you to tell me the truth. I showed a very vulnerable part of me, and you lied straight to my face."

"Please forgive me," I whimper.

I hate how weak and fragile I sound. I hate who I have become, that I bathe in my own vile self-pity when I'm the one who messes up and hurt other people.

"Stop," he speaks harshly, "you have no right to ask for forgiveness. It's not yours to give."

I open my mouth but close it quickly again, no matter what I say it won't make any difference.

"I'll ask you of one more thing. I cannot say I'm expecting much from you, not after this. But I don't have a lot of other choices, specially when I cannot be there and take care of it myself. When you're in Pýrgous, keep an eye on Clover. Tell Sage if you see the smallest sign that he'll betray us. I've already spoken to him, but he has no earlier connections to Clover. It's likely he wouldn't notice anything."

"If you think Clover would betray us, he might not even join us. If the well–"

"I think he was honest with what he said in the meeting hall," he interrupts me, "he'll pass the test tomorrow."

"I don't understand," I mumble as I think through each word I say, "if you trust what he says was the truth, then why would you think he'd betray you?"

He turns his attention back to the dark view through the window, his eyes seem to follow something in the darkness, like he sees something completely else than what I do.

"You humans are unpredictable. He can mean what he says now, but when he sees the Raven again he might think something else. It's not easy to cut off such a strong bond those men had."

"And why me? Why not Sun?"

I had already let him down. But those are words I cannot say out loud.

"I don't trust Sun when it comes to the Raven either. She forces herself to hate him. Yet she truly does love him. Love makes you unpredictable – illogical."

"Do you think she's a threat?"

"No. Not yet. I'm not sure she'd even notice Clover if she saw the Raven there. Sun would let him get away, but she wouldn't help him. She wouldn't leave us."

Something sullen covers his face.

"Okay, if I suspect anything..."

I cannot finish my sentence. It feels like I've gotten stuck in the middle. I'm not sure where I stand anymore, or what I should do. I've lied to him once before and made everything worse. If Clover really did try to betray us...

"Thank you," he says but doesn't sound thankful, he's expecting that I'll make him disappointed again. "You can leave."

For a while I wonder if I should say something. Maybe promise him that I'll do my best, but it would only feel like empty promises the more I think of it.

So I say nothing at all.