On The Outside Looking In - a book of poems

What No One Understands

you don't know what it feels like, down here under the surface

you don't know my pain, you can only imagine

you can't see what goes down underneath this mask i wear

you don't know anything, nothing at all

but neither do i

i am just like you, trying to get an understanding of me

yet we can't, it's a door that can't be unlocked

you took the key and threw it away, locking me behind this shell

locking you out of me in the process

how can i open up if you chained and locked me behind these walls

i am reaching out to you, calling for you to come save me

but there's no use, these walls are soundproof

the only thing i hear is my tears falling on the floor

i'm losing my mind, going completely insane

i'm not who i am, just somebody i thought i was

even after everything, the laughs and smiles

i will never be the same, nothing will stop this repeated pain

you did this to me, you broke me

humpty dumpty sat on a wall and was pushed off

murdered, scrambled, fried

you know what you did, and you left me to rot

i thought we would hold on to each other forever

you let me fall, so what, but i still need you

we can learn from our mistakes, just give me time to forgive you

you did what you thought was right, i wish you could understand

it was all my fault, everything points back to me

don't tell me that it's not, you're only going to make it worse

if only you knew the things i've done, if i were you, i'd lock me away too

let me drown in my ocean of sorrow and memories in my sea of life

i'm sorry, please forgive me

let me make this right, just give me time to process

let me rest in this fetal position for years till i'm ready

keep me locked behind these walls were no one can bother me

this cold, wet floor is comfortable anyways

don't unlock the door to check on me, let me suffer

i deserve my punishment, let me die alone

i was born alone and will die alone

that doesn't mean i should live a lonely life

come back, please, i just want to know that you are close

don't touch me, i might attack you, i'm losing my mind

but just don't leave me alone

please, i'm begging you

i've been hurt too much, i don't deserve this

it's not my fault, it's yours

why lock me away when you are the problem

you knew i would do anything you said

now i've got blood on my hands, and a knife in my heart

join me, lo-co, hear my last words

"you are not alone"

now you're here, crying on my shoulder

telling me how sorry you are, saying 'please forgive me'

now you understand, cuz now you're down here under the surface

"it's okay, because i already have

i love you, lo-co, don't ever forget

that you will make it through these hard times

but you'll have to live without me

just know, i'm still your broken baby girl

the one the world doesn't know

the one you seen when you looked inside your soul

the one the people made when you were only 2

the one who's been hurt and the one you see in Moa

the one you revert to when you are having those unexplainable plus hurtful thoughts and memories

the one you tried so hard to heal but the world kept breaking

the one whos traumas are only found in you

the one that doesn't speak but just sits and stares

the one who is you just deep down inside

and the one who writes your stories all the way to the end."