Scintillating - SemiShira ✔︎

Chapter 7

"To Shirabu Kenjirou, my unofficial brother and friend;

By now it would've been a day or two since I died. I know, who would've thought that of all people, Goshiki Tsutomu, would be the one to commit suicide, huh? Everyone thought I was happy, full of life, down to Earth, and nothing could stop me and partially, they were always right.

They were right until I came back from my trip.

Did I ever tell you where I went? I never did. I visited our parents. No, I don't have rights to call them my parents anymore. It hurts so bad to see the people I loved as my own biological parents dead but I don't have rights anymore to even think of them. I didn't even have rights to cry on you when I told you the news. I was never supposed to even feel bad for myself, but I did. They died and it was all my fault. Entirely my fault and that's why I committed suicide. I couldn't live with the pain anymore.

I know you, Kenjirou, I know you, and I know that you're reading this with furrowed eyebrows, questions building up and gritting your teeth. I know you want to grab my dead corpse and yell at me and scream and possibly punch me. You probably want to grab a scalpel and run it into my heart over and over in desperation for an explanation so here I give you my explanation that you truly deserve.

Around a month ago, I was offered a job. A job that would allow me to continue being a Doctor which is what I truly loved doing and also having a side job that would only take place every now and then but each time I would work, I’d gain thousands of dollars. They promised me a luxurious house, everything I wanted on hand, vehicles to choose from, premium tickets if I ever wanted to go to sports games or theatre performances. It was too good not to accept and I read through their contract which was legit and I signed it. It was okay until they told me proper initiation was to kill my parents or the ones I loved most. I told them I didn't have parents or siblings and they said to kill the ones that raised me.

I couldn't actually decline because greed in humans is disgusting and I hate myself so much. I hate myself to the point that I had to kill myself. So I took my trip and killed them, staged their phone so it would reply to whoever it called but when that one woman called and got the investigation going, that's when I got the notice that I could tell you.

I had joined the Cartel, Kenjirou, I had joined and Sebastian was there to make sure I wouldn't chicken out suddenly but he was also there to kill you. I was supposed to kill you because they knew we worked together and they knew it was you who witnessed a shootout while aiding one of the Yakuza members. Then you told them it was me who helped the Yakuza member that one night and you were immediately saved because by that time, they already knew me and if you hadn't just thrown me under the bus, you would've died that very night. I'm so glad you accused me even though you didn't know then what kind of shit I had gotten myself into. So glad because with that wig you started wearing, you resembled me heavily and it was believable.

But they didn't know I thought of you as my brother. And then they found out I couldn't kill you and that enraged them so they sent in Sebas who didn't manage and got killed on your date. I hated him. I hated him so much it was disgusting. I hated him for trying to kill you, I hated him for pouring superglue in my drink before he started working at the hospital─ he tried using that as a form to lure the Yakuza member you’re always with to get him to take precautions for you and get so distracted he’d kill him─ I hated him for living a normal life as if he wasn’t the type to kill for fun just because he was bored. I hated that he had a legitimate nursing degree and he could kill any patient and blame it on some other shit. I just couldn’t take him being around.

My main job was to heal their hurt members when they came in after murder sprees or in case they got shot but during the very short time I was there, they began pressing me more and more to be a murderer as well. I only murdered your parents and for that, I am ever regretful.

Please, Kenjirou, please, don't leave that Yakuza member. He is genuinely the nicest one out of all the cold-blooded murderers. I met him once before we knew who each other were, it was a weird time, and let me tell you, he is the only one that would willingly take you in as long as you don't try pissing him off every two minutes. Of course, I won’t leave you to question it but we met at your house. Reason he was there, not sure but he was chatting with your parents one day after I returned from school years ago, his own uniform on from another school and I simply figured he was one of their clients’ son. I wonder now if there was some other reason I never found out but never deserve to know.

I leave you everything I own to do what you want. I don't care if you throw them away, burn them, donate them, I don't care because I don't deserve to get a say in what happens to my things. Cremate me so you don't have to go through the hassle of having a standard burial. You can flush my ashes down the toilet so I melt away forever and you never have to think of my bones lying peacefully six feet under. I will kill myself by using the Sonora method. Muriatic acid mixed in liquified lead. It will be painful but I deserve it.

Let that Yakuza member take care of you and if authorities ask to see this letter, tell them that I have set a protection that if anyone tries taking this besides you and that Yakuza man, they can and will be sued and downfall will come to them.

I trust that even if you hate me with all your being, you will at least honour my wish of keeping this private and protecting yourself because I did specifically mention that man more than once. Please don’t put yourself directly in the line of danger.

I wish you a long life, better than the one I had the past month.

Goshiki Tsutomu."