the ruler [THE HUNGER GAMES]¹

Sixteen.

SIX months into my seventeenth year alive, it is safe to say that this is one of the worst ones yet. Coming closely behind the year where I was forced to kill for a television show, I have never been more miserable. The winter was bad, a four-week storm locking us in for the entire month. It was lucky that Mrs Cho had convinced me to stock up on food because we wouldn't have had any other way to get it otherwise. Nobody tells you that spending all your time with someone who is usually so hard to get to can be quite the change. Mace and I are fine, but I could tell that he wanted to be able to escape to his life as a social butterfly at school.

Ever since, he has gained a girlfriend named Kia from the academy. She's my age but that about where the similarities end. Blonde, beautiful and tall but also entirely insufferable. She's like Cato but living and awful at everything. One day Mace brought her to meet everyone at my house, ensuring me that she wouldn't tell anybody that they were living in the village illegally. Over a dinner of roasted lamb and carrots she claimed that she was the best in Two at archery, contesting Katniss Everdeen at her skills. I had laughed in her face which resulted in her calling me a pretentious victor and storming out. Mace hadn't spoken to me for two days before his mother talked sense into him. That was our first 'argument'. I don't classify it as one because it was entirely ridiculous, but he finds it funny now so I let him. They're still together but Mace knows not to bring her around again.

The winter has cleared through now and a hot, relentless summer has replaced it. The Capitol broadcasts are gearing up for the Quarter Quell, doing contests to guess what the twist will be this year. The major talking point there though is Katniss and Peeta's upcoming wedding. Choosing what they want Katniss' gown to be, how the venue will be decorated, who will be there. I saw my name amongst the 'suspected guests' last week and ended up locking myself in my bedroom for a day again. The fact that Snow knows about Peeta and I and is still pushing his fake marriage is like a knife to the heart. Realistically, I know he's not really doing it to spite me. He has to diffuse the districts and make them believe that everything Katniss did in the arena was an act of love. I was just stupid and got in the way.

"It doesn't mean you can't be upset," Mace reminded me as he comforted my snotty, emotional self after convincing me to open my door.

He's right, and Peeta's loyalty isn't the only thing getting me down. Ever since they changed the phones I've felt so isolated. I can't wait for the Quell to see Johanna and Finnick again. Jacinth and I are talking but it's not quite the same as it was before I lashed out on him. He always has this air of caution around me, like I'm a fragile balloon and could pop at any moment. I suppose he's right.

Speaking of my mentor, I have invited him over for lunch today since the much anticipated Quell announcement is scheduled for two o'clock this afternoon. Exactly one month until the reaping, President Snow will announce the theme of this years Games in front of thousands of excited Capitol citizens and the entirety if Panem. Announcing it early is supposed to build suspense and also allow for any preparations in the Districts or Capitol. The broadcasts are doing endless replays of previous Games to proceed it. A lot of Katniss and Peeta's year has been spun into a tragic love story rather than the spark of rebellion that it has caused. I see my own Games, my fifteen year old almost child-like form fighting for her life in a barren desert. That girl is completely gone now. Older, body and mind matured well past their years. The few years before me are shown in even less light, quick flashes reminding us of who won. Annie Cresta, Johanna Mason, Jacinth. How quickly we move on from their lifetime of trauma because there is fresher meat to analyse under microscope. After this years Games, I'll be one of them. An old victor, pushed to the back of minds and left with my emotions.