Guilt
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"talk?"
he nods his head, "it's been a long time."
he has terrible burns on the side of his face, and it looks like he lost his eye from it. his hair was still blond, i guess he kept dying it. it's like i'd gone back in time.
"i thought they caught you."
"psh, nobody can catch me."
i shake my head and adjust my glasses, "if you are not having any medical problems i'm going to leave."
"well, if you haven't noticed the burns on my face..." he gestures to it, "they've been irritating me a lot lately."
i hesitantly step towards him and take a closer look at his scars. they looked dry and red.
"i like the new look by the way, the glasses suit you."
i ignore his comments and gently touch the scarring, "does this hurt?"
he shakes his head
"have you been moisturizing daily? burns like that need it."
"you know i've never been able to take care of myself."
i sigh and just as i'm about to remove my hand he gently grabs my wrist. i flinch and turn away.
"hey.." he turns my face towards him, "i'm not gonna hurt you. i haven't hurt anyone since.. that day."
i pull my hand away from him, "you mean when you smashed Beverly's head into mush on my kitchen floor?"
he sighs and runs his hand through his curls, "i told you i was going to stop—"
"and you didn't!"
"she called the cops! she was going to tear us apart—"
"—maybe it's good that she did!" i wipe my tears away and straighten out my coat, "you're not a good person, Richie."
"i know."
i look up at him through my tears. it's the first time i've heard him acknowledge that.
"i've been going to therapy, only going to work and then straight home. i promised myself i'd be better for you and that's what i did. why can't you see that?"
"maybe because all of my friends are dead because of you."
he looks down in shame, "i know. and i don't think any amount of me apologizing will ever make up for it."
"then why are you here? in Paris?"
"this is where we planned to move.." he looks up at me with tears in his eyes, "you're the only person in this entire world that has changed me, made me want to be a good person. im not ready to lose you."
"how did you even find me?"
"your a doctor, al i had to do was google your name."
"and your parents? do they know you're here?"
"no, but i know that they still talk to you." he reaches for my hand again but i pull it away, "i will leave and never bother you again, but only if you tell me to, Eds."
i sigh and grab my clipboard, "i'll prescribe you a topical treatment for your burns. don't show up here again."
i hand him the slip of paper and walk out of the room.
as soon as i get to my office, the tears overwhelm me. i lean against my desk and let out the sob i've been holding in since i saw his face.
why did i stay in there for so long?
