𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐑𝐄𝐃.

006 ; ᴄᴏɴꜰᴜꜱɪᴏɴ

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𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐀𝐊, a thought lingered in my mind. "Hey, Squeak?" I called out, seeing as he looked over at me.

"Yeah?"

"You ever go out with anyone?"

He looked confused at this, but took a moment to think. "Yeah, once. Some girl named June. I stopped going out after her though."

"Really? Why's that?"

"She messed me up pretty badly. She led me on and shit, had me thinking she really cared about me. In reality she was just doing it for laughs."

I was at a loss for words honestly, I was never the best at comforting. "Oh, uhm, I'm sorry man."

"It's fine." He shrugged it off, "We didn't date for that long."

I wanted to ask why—but it felt wrong. I looked over at him, searching his expression for any form of resistance if I asked. He turned his head though, locking eyes with mine. I decided not to ask.

"Why? You catching feelings for someone?" Squeak nudged my shoulder with a small laugh. "I won't tell anyone."

"No, I was just wondering."

He definitely didn't buy it.

"Alright."

In all sincerity, I didn't understand why I wanted to know. The topic of love had just been roaming through my thoughts, but I couldn't understand why. It was as if—I had to figure out who I was catching feelings for.

I'm a grown man though, the topic of love seems silly. Anyone at this age should be married, or at least that's how most of the people I went to high school with were off living already. Married, or engaged.

Silly love confessions and stupid little crushes are absolutely meaningless at this age.

Squeak then reached over to grab a magazine which was sitting on the table near the chairs—being at the vet was definitely something.

"Well," I started, attempting to rummage through my brain for words which would suit this situation best. "How does it feel? To be in love?"

I felt stupid asking, especially because it was true. I'd never fully understood the concept of love, probably because of my home life. Everything was scattered—relationships, communication, feelings, nothing was expressed clearly.

I really didn't have an actual concept of love, and it was even stupider that I was asking Squeak of all people!

Squeak immediately shot his head up from the magazine—"You've never been with a chick?"

"Hell, of course I have! I've been with lots of 'em, I just don't know if this is like that."

Squeak nodded, "I see. So, this isn't just you being horny?"

"Squeak I don't know what the hell. I don't think it's love, honestly."

"Then, what do you think it is?"

"Resentment..?"

Squeak furrowed his brows—"Resentment? Describe how you feel around this person to me."

"Well, uh," I hesitated for a moment. I wasn't entirely sure how to explain this, especially not in front of Squeak fucking Scolari! "I guess I sort of hate it when they're in a room, because I feel uncomfortable."

"Okay...that could pass as resentment." Squeak spoke, carefully planning the words he was going to speak next, as I decided to open my mouth once more.

"I don't know, I guess it pisses me off. This just popped up out of the blue, I've never been this.." I paused for a second, "Vulnerable."

"Vulnerable? When did vulnerability enter this conversation?"

"I don't know, man! This person's got me all fucking deranged. I hate feeling like this, having to avoid their presence. That's really all I wanna do, ignore her until it goes away."

"Her? For a moment you had me thinking it was..." Squeak and I made eye contact—before he immediately took the words into careful consideration. "Uh, well I'm no expert but I think this is just resentment."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I mean, I guess it depends on how long you've known her for."

This time, I didn't hesitate to remember the details. "What about it?"

"If you haven't known her for a really long time, it's probably just you realizing you can't stand her. Maybe she does stuff that annoys you and you pushed it away, because you were just getting to know her, and it was like the first few stages of liking a person," Squeak explained, "But if you've known her for a long time, it's probably you realizing your feelings."

"What? How does that make sense?" I questioned—confused, yet somewhat astonished at Squeak's logic.

"Come on man, it's common knowledge. Like, okay, let's say Y/n. You've known her since middle school, right?"

"Yeah,"

"If you started feeling this way around her—it would most likely be you realizing your feelings."

I furrowed my brows—tilting my head a bit in confusion. "Dude, where exactly are you getting this so-called knowledge from? Teen magazines?"

"No, douchebag! It's literally so obvious. Ask anyone."

"Anyone would tell you this is total bullshit."

"Shut up!"

"Alright, alright. But, are you speaking from experience or-"

"Shut the fuck up! I swear man, I don't even know why I hang out with you anymore.."

"You live with me, Squeak." I deadpanned—watching as he rolled his eyes at my words. "Dude this is school girl talk." I then admitted, sighing. Here I stood with one of my roommates—talking about crushes at the fucking age of twenty nine.

"Alright, fine. You wanna fuck her?"

I rummaged through my thoughts for any sign of that—deeply lost into a small cluster of my mind. "Well," I paused. "I don't know."

"You're fucking kidding me."

"Hell, Squeak I don't know! I'm not Remer."

"It's the simplest question, do you wanna fuck her?"

"Only if she was okay with it."

"Jesus Christ she's turning you soft."

"It's common sense."

Squeak turned to me—a breathe of air escaping his lips more than once. "Who is it?"

"Nobody."

"Oh, and I'm the school girl."

"Well I don't think it's that though. I think she's just, annoying." This felt illegal—calling Y/n annoying. She wasn't annoying whatsoever, it was these feelings that were stuck with me whenever she was around.

I had a major feeling that it wasn't romantic though—I had a history of confusing romantic with platonic.

"If she was so annoying, you wouldn't feel this way." Squeak

"You literally just told me that it's resentment!" 

"Coop, you're too complicated! Do you like her, or not?"

"I don't know!"

"Oh for Christ's sake with you!" 

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ME??? UPDATING?? wow guys im back