A Slave to Love, Broken Hearts, and Everything In Between

Chapter 10: Charming Revisited, Part 2

I really should have let go. A quick hug then sent her off to her apartment for the rest she desperately needed for her bond and especially for her long day tomorrow. But I couldn't do it. The months alone, with little comfort outside of Jaime and Loren who were more for communication than physical comfort, had me desperate for touch. I'd spent too many nights wishing someone would just hold me and tell me everything would be alright, for someone to be there, to fill the emptiness of my room and the quiet of my halls and my house and my life, cursing Aros for being right about being lonely and not wanting to give in to his point, that I couldn't help it.

Aros may not have been the best, but he had been there, all the time, no matter what. Being in that house alone was not something I was used to. In some sick way, I almost missed having him try to undercut my confidence with some backhanded compliment, because it was a constant, a part of my routine. And at least it was familiar. It was contact.

I didn't even have Blade in my corner anymore and that was my fault too. I'd come back, stupidly thinking maybe I could do it, let people back in, and all I'd done was fuck that up beyond repair. Blade understood my history and situation better than anyone; he'd seen Aros and I up close for years, heard the rumors floating through the house from the other guards and the maids but didn't judge. People talked so freely in front of guards, acting like they weren't there, that they weren't people who were listening closely and learning all the secrets people were happy to share.

And what did I do? Fuck it up. Be a crappier friend than ever when he needed me, when they both needed me.

At least the one good thing about all this mess was Kiana. We were friendly before, friends even, but never that close. Usually we hung out if Blade was there, the only one on one time we had was when Blade was off dealing with Lexi and I had been put on babysitting duty, but even then she had had school. Spending all this time together had grown a surprisingly closer friendship than I had really anticipated to make with her, but I was so thankful for it.

It was unfair that she had been through so much shit. She was exceptional and Blade was being so much stupider than usual and she deserved so much better than all this mess after she'd given up so much for everyone. But a selfish part of me was glad she had come into my life now.

"I wish things would have turned out differently for you and Blade, and me and him too, but I'm glad you're still around," I said quietly. It was a  terrible thing to say. I wasn't sure why I said it, except that maybe it would remind her that other people cared about her, even if Blade didn't. That she wasn't alone. 

"It's been nice having you around too," she said, squeezing me tighter. "And I really am sorry I wasn't around more before."

Maybe it would have helped, maybe it wouldn't, but it was over and we couldn't change it. We were both here right now and that was all I cared about. I hugged her tighter, closer, just aching for more of this warmth and touch, this safety. I wanted to follow her into her apartment and stay with her where things were so much happier.

"I know."

"You may come to regret having me around so much in the future though, I can be a pretty big pain in the ass when I want to be."

Clearly she hadn't realized how badly I was obsessed with her, but hell did that make me laugh.

"Trust me, darling. You've got your work cut out for you if you think you could ever hope to annoy me."

Her hand lifted, her warm palm cradling my cheek, thumb brushing the corner of my mouth and I tried not to panic, not to flinch or tense, not to show how much I'd been dying for a touch as intimate as that. I had no damn clue why she'd done it to me of all people, but I was going to enjoy it, even if she hadn't meant it as anything but a friendly touch.