A Slave to Love, Broken Hearts, and Everything In Between

Chapter 11: Charming Revisited, Part 3

Every day when I woke up, the first thought I always had was 'please God not again'. Quickly followed by 'I don't want to do this anymore' and a desperate plea of 'why the hell hasn't anyone assassinated me yet'. I'd heard the threat of my demise so many times yet none of these cowards were willing to actually do it and put me out of my misery.

Unless that was why they didn't. They liked seeing me suffer more than they wanted to see my head on a pike.

Today, however, in between the 'please God not again' and 'I don't want to do this anymore' came 'holy shit Kiana and I kissed'. And 'what was I thinking?'. 'How is she?' 'Does she hate me?' 'I ruined everything'. 'It was a great kiss'. 'I want to kiss her again'. 'I cannot under any circumstance kiss her ever again'. 'Blade is going to kill me'. 'Lexi is going to torture me and then kill me'. 'Thank God a way out.' 'If I die I won't ever get to kiss Kiana again'. 'Not that it'll ever happen anyway because she probably finds you utterly repulsive and creepy now'. 'Enjoy the memories you insensitive prick because that's all you're going to get and its way more than you deserve'.

Then came the 'please someone assassinate me' though today it had less to do with work and more to do with the awful dread and shame from last night's mistake. Mixed with the joy and pleasure that having kissed her brought.

It was really a terrible mix. I was hopelessly crushing, hopelessly crushed, and the most shameful level of horny, guilty, and afraid, all at once.

Seeing my phone flashing with notifications on my nightstand only made it all worse because in addition to whatever work crisis had occurred, it was very likely Kiana had also left a message to the effect of 'that was unbelievably stupid and horrible, I never want to see you ever again'.

But when I finally braved the long list of messages and e-mails, there was nothing. Not a missed phone call, no missed messages, not even a voicemail. Maybe she blocked my number instead? A clean break. But that wasn't Kiana's style to just cut people off without a word, she'd do the decent thing and tell me that I made her uncomfortable and she was very sorry but she could no longer spend time with me anymore.

Well. Wouldn't she?

Hadn't she moved out of Blade's house without a word though? And that had been a relationship. She'd been in love. What was I to her really? A friend. One who had disappeared most of the time we'd known each other and only just came back into her life recently. Granted one stupid (fantastic) night of minor (MAJOR) kissing wasn't exactly on the same level of what Blade had done but...

It hadn't been that long. We had only kissed late last night and it was only eight thirty in the morning, and she had work early today, though this was practically afternoon for me as I never slept in this late. However, I needed the extra few hours to hide in bed like the shameful idiot I was.

She had better things to do than obsess over it like I was probably, but I couldn't help staring at our chat history, trying to figure out what the hell to say to have some sort of contact and a litmus test for how much groveling and backtracking I was going to have to do. I was unfortunately well versed in damage control thanks to work, but this situation somehow felt even dicier than dealing with murderers and psychopaths. Probably because I never had a personal relationship with any of them that meant I wanted to keep them around and get them to like me. 

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"Last night ended up going even better than I thought," Lexi said smugly, putting her feet up on my desk. I tried not to wince at the dirt that fell onto my papers. "I even left them alone and they were dancing all over each other like they used too. And you thought I lacked the proper subtle skill set to smooth things over."