Ginger and Cardamom | Moon Knight

06 | Astha

Chapter Warnings: Biphobia, internalised biphobia if you squint, mentions of dead family members, night terrors.

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Astha walked through the door of her flat, still buzzing from her date with Marc. She couldn't believe how well it had gone. They had talked for hours and it felt like they had an instant connection.

Astha couldn't stop smiling as she thought about how Marc had listened to her, how he had laughed at her jokes and how he had bought gifts for Jessie and Alice's twins just because she had mentioned that they were coming with her to the museum.

But as she reached for her phone to tell her friends about the date, she saw a message from her dad. He had booked the tickets to come to see her in London sooner than Astha would have liked. She felt a knot form in her stomach as she read the message. Sure their relationship was not what it used to be, but growing up her dad was her idol.

'What will Papa think about this?' was a sentence that served as a north star in every decision she ever made.

But as she moved to London for her Nursing degree they slowly grew apart until one day she was waiting at the Delhi airport with a complete stranger that barely resembled the man she looked up to all her life.

No matter what their relationship was now, it was her father and she still felt a sense of obligation to see him. How could she tell him that he couldn't stay with his own daughter for a few days when he had done so much for her all his life?

She put her phone down and took a deep breath, trying to push away the uneasy feeling in her gut. Astha's thoughts drifted to her mom, who had passed away during the snap.

In another relationship, Astha felt like she failed to meet the expectations, all in an attempt to find love and acceptance. Astha came out to her parents in her early twenties though Papa tolerated the idea, Mummy was a completely different story.

Her mom had never accepted her, and she had always felt like she was living in the shadows of her expectations.

Astha shook her head, trying to push away the memories. She didn't want to ruin the happiness she felt after her date with Marc. As she sat on the couch, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew that she needed to focus on the good things in her life, like her amazing friends and the new connection she had with Marc.

Astha picked up her phone again and started typing a message to her friends about the date. She smiled as she hit send, feeling grateful for the people in her life who loved and supported her. As she put her phone down, Astha couldn't help but think if mummy would have been proud of her for finally coming to her senses and dating a guy.

Sleep didn't come easily to her that night. Astha tossed and turned in bed, unable to shake the thoughts of her mother from her mind. She remembered the summers spent with her family in Delhi, sitting on the front porch eating mangos until the sticky juice ran down their chins. But then her mind shifted to the day of her mother's funeral, the same house now filled with mourning and grief.

She couldn't stop replaying their last conversation in her head, her mother's words cut deep. "You were not good enough to be a doctor, and definitely not good enough to be a daughter a parent could be proud of." It was like a knife in her heart, even years later.

As she lay there, tears streaming down her face, she realised she needed to talk to someone. Desperate for comfort, Astha reached for her phone and fumbled with it, trying to dial Alice's number, hoping to distract herself from their usual late-night conversations. But accidentally dialled Marc's number instead. A mistake she realised hearing his groggy and strained voice that she assumed was a result of being woken up this late.

"Hey, Astha, were you okay?" Marc asked, concern lacing his voice.

"I'm sorry, Marc, I didn't mean to call you. I was trying to call Alice," Astha said, embarrassed by her mistake.

"Tranquila, querida, no te preocupes."

Before Astha had time to process or ask what he meant, Marc switched to English.

'It's okay, don't worry about it. Did you want to talk about what was going on? I was here for you," Marc said softly, his words soothing Astha's frayed nerves.

Astha hesitated for a moment, unsure of how much to share with Marc. But she remembered how he had opened up to her about his own struggles, and how she had been able to help him through a difficult time.

"It was my mom," Astha finally admitted, her voice cracking with emotion. "She always made me feel like I wasn't good enough, and I just couldn't seem to shake that feeling. It was like no matter what I did, I was always falling short."

She could hear Marc take a deep sigh. He paused for a moment as if to gather his thoughts.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," Marc said, his voice filled with compassion. "You were more than good enough, and your mother was wrong to make you feel that way. You deserved to be proud of who you were."

As Marc continued to talk, Astha felt herself relaxing, her breathing slowing down. She didn't even remember falling asleep, but the next thing she knew, she woke up to the sound of her alarm. She checked her phone and saw a message from Marc, wishing her a good morning and reminding her that she was loved.

Astha smiled to herself, feeling grateful for Marc's presence in her life. She knew that talking to him might have been accidental, but it felt like fate brought them together for a reason. And as she looked ahead to her upcoming visit from her dad, she felt a little less alone, knowing that she had found someone she could lean on.