Purple Violets

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Happy birthday Sam Winchester :)

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Even as a kid, Sam felt like there was something wrong with him.

He had always felt off. Cut off from the rest of the world, a feeling of not belonging. It could've been because of his life. Growing up learning how to kill monsters and driving across the country never having a home was certainly not normal. And that's what he thought for a while, he really did. But it wasn't that.

It was the way he had weird, unexplainable dreams filled with yellow eyes and dark red blood. How sometimes some of his weird, vivid dreams came true. How he felt so connected to the world around him, the earth, the sky, the moon. How once a couple years back he saw blood dripping down a demon's face during a hunt his father took him and Dean on and he felt inexplicably drawn to it in ways he couldn't understand. How he just felt impure, like there was something in him that was dark.

How there were times when he would get too upset and something would happen.

As a kid, he never told anyone about it. He couldn't tell Dean, and he certainly couldn't tell his dad. They would tell him that he had an overactive imagination, the way they did when he used to talk about Sully. Or worse, they would believe him. And what then? What if his dad decided he was a monster, the very thing he had been learning to hunt his entire life? Would he kill him?

So he pushed it down. Deep and far away and he tried to never think about it. Even when Sam got into a fight with his dad and screamed at him and the window closest to him shattered, the glass spraying everywhere. Even when the glass hit his father but didn't hit Dean or Sam.

His dad and Dean didn't think anything of it. They were in a bad area, the motel was crappy, and it was windy outside. That's all it was. That's what Sam believed, too.

When Sam was fourteen, he went to a school for a couple weeks in the middle of Wisconsin. It was small, the area around them mostly filled with country. His father was hunting some werewolf pack with Dean while Sam was supposed to research the specific pack once he got home from school. He didn't have to be at the school for long before he heard the whispers about a girl everyone called a freak.

About a week into school he saw her for the first time during lunch, sitting outside among the trees. He liked to say he knew it was her because of the rings that adorned her fingers and the hippie - like clothes she wore, but the truth was he just knew. Then almost like she knew what he was thinking, she looked directly at him, and a feeling of understanding and familiarity passed between them. He found himself lifting himself up off of the bench in the small lunch room and walking towards the door that led outside when the bell rang, announcing the end of lunch. He was carried away into the crowd before he could get to the door.

The next few days he sat outside in her spot, but she never showed. He wasn't sure where she had disappeared to, but he stayed there throughout the entire lunch period, even when he heard the whispers start up about him. He couldn't find it in him to care. He just needed to see her again, to talk to her. He didn't even really know why, but he felt like he knew her already. It was like he was drawn to her, but not in a bad way.

About a week after he had seen her that day at lunch, he woke up in the middle of the night, heart beating quickly. Flashes of deep red went through his mind and he felt that sense of unease, the feeling of wanting to scratch at his body and to get whatever this darkness was out.

Once his heartbeat slowed, Sam silently padded down the hall of their motel room. He pulled on a thin coat and he stuffed his feet into his shoes and quietly opened the door, the warm air hitting his face. There was no need to be quiet; his dad and Dean hadn't been there for days, but it was habit by now.

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