Sorry, I'm an Anti-romantic • Choi Yeonjun

one step at a time

It had been thirty minutes since he walked away, sitting on those stairs. Leaning forward, his elbows rested on his knees. She occasionally glanced at him, but never once did they make eye contact as she wandered the corridor.

"Did you have some time to self reflect?" Their professor questioned, opening the door. "Come in."

Yeonjun and Seoyul walked in as students began pouring out of the class. Once everyone left, professor Lee spoke up without sparing them a glance.

"Seoyul, make sure to mute your phone, and Yeonjun, stop texting in class." She examined a bundle of papers, "From tomorrow onwards, I want both of you to submit your phones before class and collect them after."

Seoyul nodded, but she wished for a verbal reply, looking up from the papers. "Am I clear?"

"Yes, professor." She pursued her lips, bowing slightly. "Have a good day." She walked to her seat, collecting her belongings and exiting the lab with Yeonjun who hadn't spoken a word since. He began proceeding towards their next class.

"So, are we not talking now?" Seoyul called out.

"I'm not interested." He sounded cold, and he's never spoken to her in this way. "If you're only going to lie to me."

"What did I lie about?" She asked, beginning to feel a bit restless.

"What you're feeling isn't a lie, I know that." He turned towards her. "But, you're lying about why you feel that way."

She narrowed her eyes, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You're thinking it was a mistake, because you're scared." And he was right. It was annoying how he was always right. "Not because you were out of your mind. Don't give me stupid excuses."

She stared at him blankly, wondering how he could see right through her.

"So, if you tell me what scares you so much..." His voice softened as he stepped closer to her, leaning in. "We can fix it together."

"It's not that easy." She muttered under her breath, looking at her shoes.

"Isn't precious if it was." He straightened up. "I knew it would be difficult." They looked at each other. "So, we'll take it one step at a time."

"How do we do that?" She asked, captivated by the hope he was giving.

"First." He held her hands, gazing into her eyes, "You'll have to let me in... I said I've seen you for the past few months but I feel there's more to you than that."

And he was right again. But she couldn't let him in, because that would mean he would see her vulnerable side. A side where she hated herself. A side where nothing ever seemed right.

"There's nothing to know." She broke eye contact, pulling away her hands. "You've seen all of me."

"You're lying again." He sighed, lifting her face to look into her eyes. "There's sadness within you, and I want to know the reason why."

"You can't help me."

"Try me."

His approach was too hypnotising, too tempting to refuse. He could help her from freezing in the ocean of her heartache. He was extending his arm and all she had to do was reach out to it... reach out to the warmth.

But she swam away.

"We're getting late." She removed his hand from her face and walked past him, leaving him alone in the corridor.

• • •

Later during class, she was physically present but her mind was elsewhere, constantly replaying her conversations with him.

'You'll have to let me in.'

He was ready to help her. He was ready to be her saviour...

'I've seen you for the past few months but I feel there's more to you than that.'

But she wasn't ready to accept it...

She tenuously glanced to her side, trying to catch no attention. His eyes were fixed on the blackboard, focusing on the lecture. She continued to stare as something about him seemed to draw her in.

His features. His personality. His patience with her. She couldn't quite pinpoint it.

But for that moment, she found herself surrendering to his presence. His eyes, sparkling under the strands of hair that loosely fell across, and his eyebrows raised as he concentrated.

His sculpted nose and cheekbones gave him a youthful look while his naturally flushed cheeks gave him an essence of innocence. Her eyes traced his features, slowly landing on his lips. Was it really a mistake?

Her gaze lingered there for a moment before raising them to look at his eyes that seemed to catch her interest the most. Always cheerful and glimmering with happiness. A small smile involuntarily appeared on her lips as she thought about him.

But it didn't last long... Realising what she was getting herself into, she embarrassedly looked away, hiding her face with her hand.

I'm not worth his pain. Don't hurt him, and don't hurt yourself.

She repeated these thoughts for the rest of the day, trying to keep her distance and ignoring his approach every time he got close or she felt herself caving into his presence.

• • •

"I'll send you the chemistry notes." Sumin reassured as they walked towards the building exit. "Don't worry."

"Tell me they are readable." Seoyul laughed a little. "Please." Her ears perked up, hearing the increasing sound of rain as they reached the doors.

"Of course." She crossed her arms, defending herself with a pout. "I use different colours for the aesthetic, but they have good content..." Her arms slowly dropped upon noticing the pouring weather. "It was just drizzling, wasn't it?"

She continued to whine under her breath as she rummaged through her bag. She opened her umbrella, stepping into the rain, "Get in. I'll drop you home."

Seoyul scanned the tiny umbrella which was perfect for only one person. If she tagged along, they would both drench.

"You can go ahead." She motioned her towards the gates. "I'll wait."

"Are you sure?" Sumin narrowed her eyes, but nodded as she gave her an assuring smile. "Alright, see you tomorrow."

Seoyul watched her leave as a few people joined her. Sumin knew a lot of students, and a lot of them knew her. A lot of people knew her too, but it wasn't for similar reasons.

She leaned against a pillar, waiting for the rain to subside and watched the students leave one-by-one with their umbrellas.

Eventually, her focus switched to the rain as it fell from the sky filled with heavy clouds, tinting her surroundings grey and blue. The gloomy atmosphere was somewhat comforting, but it didn't seem to subside any sooner.

She heavily sighed, rubbing her palms together and getting ready to run. It will be cold, but it's okay. Just till the bus stop.

She stepped down a stair, advancing into the rain with her hands above her head when a sudden jolt pulled her back into the shelter.

"Are you trying to catch a cold?" Yeonjun asked, still holding onto her backpack as she collided into his chest.