Sorry, I'm an Anti-romantic • Choi Yeonjun

reflection

Although, she was afraid someone might see them as they walked hand in hand, he was more afraid she would slip away like granules of sugar in between his fingers if he let go.

"So, I insisted on watching 'Stand By Me' at the theatres." He shrugged, narrating his childhood story. "And... I have never admitted this but I did cry a little."

All along their way, he couldn't stop himself from talking. He tried to put little things about himself out there for her to listen, for her to understand that she could share anything with him just the way he was with her.

"You cried? You cried watching Doraemon?" She chuckled at the thought of a younger version of him shedding a few tears solely because of a movie. "How old were you?"

"Why does it matter? It was emotional, alright? It's an emotional movie." He rolled his eyes, mocking her but internally, he was enjoying this. He loved watching her bring out this side. Fun and cheerful.

"I'm thinking you were somewhere around... Fourteen? Fifteen?" She continued to tease him, ignoring his reaction that eventually cross-faded into an embarrassed smile. "Now, I actually wanna see you cry. I think you'd still look good unlike me."

"You wanna see me cry?" He raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"I don't mean it in a bad way." Her eyes met his face as she shook her head, "Crying isn't just sadness. You could always cry tears of joy."

He nodded his head in agreement as he rewinded her words in his mind, a smirk crawling onto his face. "And you said'I'd still look good'? Even if I cry?"

"Well..." She slowed down her pace, her face flustering red because as much as she hoped he would turn a deaf ear to those words, he didn't. "I do."

"That's a start." He flicked his eyebrows upwards, "Isn't this is the first you've acknowledged..." He waved his free hand in front of his face. "This mess?"

Definitely not the first time but she couldn't admit it.

And let me tell you it's not a mess.

She smiled as she swung their hands a bit higher, hiding her shy expression behind her hair. She looked ahead, almost reaching their house when her smile faltered.

"...mom?" She mumbled to herself as she let go of his hand, jogging towards her mother who was standing outside in the cold, facing the other side of the road.

"Mom, what happened?" Seoyul voiced worriedly, lightly tapping on her shoulder, "Why are you outside?"

"Seoyul?" Her mom turned around with concern over her face before raising her tone. "Where have you been?!" Her eyes bore anger which were red with crying and screaming.

"I.." She was unable to confront the sudden counter-question, "We have a project coming up... So we held a group meeting."

"You can't fool me." She sighed loudly, tilting her head with disappointment, "You were wearing shoes in the morning and now you're wearing sandals. You came home-" Her voice faded as her gaze fell beside Seoyul.

"Hello, ma'am." Yeonjun fixed his attention towards her. "Let me introduce myself."

Don't introduce yourself and now is definitely not the time. So much for keeping him a secret.

"I'm Choi Yeonjun." He bowed formally as Seoyul winced at his lack of timing. "I'm Seoyul's classmate... and her friend."

"Are you her boyfriend?" Her mom almost spat the question with calm cruelty but Seoyul knew this is all a facade to hold a sense of intimidation in front of this boy she had no clue existed.

"If all you're going to do is embarrass me, we would rather prefer going in." She held his hand, pulling him towards the main entrance. She wanted to gatekeep his presence from her family, but they have to find out about him sooner or later.

"I'd rather have him not." Her mom called out, watching them enter the house. Seoyul rolled her eyes in irritation, holding his hand a little tighter, dragging him inside.

The moment she entered the hallway, her feet froze, eyes landing on the shattered condition of the living room. The broken glass vase against the table, the fallen flowers against the wet carpet. The couch pillows and books thrown across the floor.

The argument, which she had hoped would be confined within their bedroom walls, had infiltrated downstairs into the living room. She turned around, holding back her tears as the pain built up in her throat. "I think you should leave."

He scrunched his eyebrows, silently looking above her shoulders at the mess. His expression tore down, distress taking over as he couldn't imagine how she must be feeling. How she's felt all this time.

He looked back at her, her eyes desperately calling out for help but she needed him to leave. She felt too embarrassed for him to be in this situation... and he understood it, too.

"I think I should get going." He uttered as her mom walked in through the door. He leaned forward, lowering his voice, "You'll be fine, right? Promise me you won't cry."

She sucked in a quick breath, nodding at the slightest as she watched him retreat from the hallway, out of the front door, closing it behind him.

"Who is he? Are you dating now?" Her mom began the moment she heard the door close. Her voice was softer compared to earlier but Seoyul ignored, avoiding any sort of confrontation. She drowned out all the prying questions that pierced her like needles, climbing each step, making her way upstairs.

Closing the door, she stepped into her bedroom, taking deep breaths.

I promised him. I promised.

She threw her head back, constantly blinking her eyes, battling against the thought of letting the tears flow.

I won't cry. I won't cry. I shouldn't cry.

She closed her eyes, stepping in front of the mirror as her hands rested on its frame.

I'm fine. I'm not crying. I won't cry.

She opened her eyes, staring back at her reflection as a tear drop slowly trickled down her cheek.

Why are you crying?

She gripped the frame tighter, her knuckles turning white and her fingertips pressed against the wood.

You don't deserve to cry. You did nothing wrong.

She leaned forward, her forehead resting on the surface.

Stop crying! You don't deserve to fucking cry.