Sorry, I'm an Anti-romantic • Choi Yeonjun

a birthday party

"Wake up!" Her mom knocked on the door, rattling the doorknob as Seoyul grunted against her pillow, burying her face into it. Her body was reeking of tiredness and her eyes were puffy from last night.

"Are you up?" Her mom continued from the other side, "Wake up, Seoyul. You didn't have dinner last night. You must be hungry."

Dinner. Right.

She couldn't stomach eating anything. She felt nauseous after all that she saw. After all that he saw...

With her mom constantly knocking on the door, she forced herself out of bed, stumbling towards it.

"I'm awake." She rubbed her eye as she opened the door annoyedly, still wearing the same clothes from the day before. "And please don't knock so much."

"Then, don't lock your door." Her mom's voice was calm and passive, but the disappointment was clear as her eyes ran along her appearance. "You didn't take a shower last night?"

"Why does it matter?" She muttered, shutting the door to avoid a conversation.

...

On her way to university, Seoyul's mind was silent and empty except for the music playing through her earphones.

Stop trying to keep us alive

You're pointing at stars in the sky that already died

For some, music might just be songs for the sole purpose of entertainment but for her, they were comfort. They were words with melodies and emotions.

Stop trying to keep us alive

You can't force the stars to align when they've already died

And sometimes, it felt as though the songs were written just for her. Every single word, every single phrase and every single verse. They reflected her emotions perfectly, even the ones she couldn't find within.

She reached for her phone, sliding her finger to replay the song when someone pulled out her earphone, calling for her attention, "What are you listening to?"

The corner of her lips lifted just by his presence. "Astronomy by Conan Gray." She took off the other earphone, stuffing it all in her coat pocket.

"It's a nice song." He slid his hand to hold hers, feeling a prick of cold upon the touch, "But we aren't two worlds apart."

Letting out a soft chuckle at this unexpected reference, she looked up to him, "But I'd be lying if I agree with you." She adjusted her fingers so their hands fit better.

He narrowed his eyes in her direction before curling the fingers of his free hand as if counting on them, "Are you calling me 'rude,' 'selfish,' 'annoying' and..." He jerked his head to the side with an awkward smile, "I'm running out of negative traits."

"I didn't know you think so high of me." A small laugh escaped her and he could've sworn, his heart skipped a beat at the glimmer that entered her eyes just as fast as it left, leaving nothing but an empty gloom.

He wondered if she cried. He wondered if she cried last night after he left, alone in her room, staining the pillows. He wanted to know, yet he couldn't bring himself to ask. He was sure last night was etched in her mind like a picture, a memory ready to dive in to the front, but he didn't want to be the one to bring it up. She could tell him when she wanted to... and he'll wait until then.

"It'd be wrong not to." He said under his breath, slowing their pace, leaning closer to her, "You hold a high place in my heart."

She gaped at him with widened eyes, trying to take in his words before falling out of his haze, "Wow, I still have to get used to that–"

"Are you both holding hands?" Sumin stood behind them, staring at their intertwined fingers.

Seoyul snatched away her hand, covering her face with it, flustered at Sumin's sudden appearance. "Who? We? No...?"

Sumin's bland expression slowly turned into suspicion tinted with playfulness, "Are my two best friends dating?"

"No! I mean," Seoyul lowered her voice, composing herself as Yeonjun held back a laugh at this situation, "We're not dating. Are we?" She turned to Yeonjun, grimacing as a sign to settle this.

"Us?" He played nonchalant, stuffing his hands in his pockets, "No, we're not dating."

"You can tell me if you are." Sumin took a double take with a suspicious look, "And I'm telling you beforehand. I'll be hurt if I find out from a third person."

"You won't." He assured her as Seoyul added a quick nod.

"Fine, I'll count on you guys... Anyways." Sumin's tone changed from doubtful to sombre all in a second, "Guess who's coming this weekend."

"What's this weekend?" Yeonjun questioned, confusedly.

She let out a dramatic scoff at his question as Seoyul playfully hit his arm, "You can't be serious. Everyone knows about it."

And everyone indeed knew about it for one, Sumin wouldn't shut up and two, it's possibly the biggest party of the year yet.

"I'm sorry, I was busy with other things." He shrugged, looking at Seoyul with a tiny smile hidden behind his pursed lips. "But what's this weekend?"

"It's my birthday, Yeonjun." Sumin's shoulders fell, feeling defeated that he had no clue, "And I'm throwing a huge party. Can't believe you didn't know about it."

He felt a tinge of guilt for being so oblivious but he spoke as a matter of factly, "I do now, and I'll show up. With a good present. Something you'll like."

"I don't need anything." She shook her head, still feeling a little upset, "Just be there. That's enough."

Seoyul sensed a kind of rough tension in the air that put her in an awkward position, having to change the topic, "So, who's coming this weekend?"

"Right." Sumin flicked her eyebrows with dismal, "Hyunjae's coming."

"Wait? Hyunjae?" She didn't expect that. He was Sumin's boyfriend, yes, but he was also halfway across country. "What about his football match or something?"

"Well, that's what it is." Sumin chewed on her bottom lip, "But I heard he's coming back to surprise me."

"Then, why aren't you happy about it?" Yeonjun asked, tilting his head hesitantly.

"I actually have a question for you." Sumin pointed at him, furrowing her eyebrows, "Are you even my best friend? No, wait. Are you even my friend?" He was silent, hesitant to speak by this sudden confrontation, "Why do you not know anything about me?"

"I would if you'd tell me."

"Well, you would if you'd listen." She retaliated. "Or even pay attention at the slightest."

The tension in the atmosphere was rising by every word they spoke, fabricating a trigger point for bottled emotions to burst out any moment.

I get it, Sumin is upset because of Hyunjae but what is Yeonjun upset with?

It can't be me, right?