"You haven't washed your hair in a while.""That's because you don't get me shampoo.""Yes, we do."
I sit at the table shovelling down my toast and eggs. Trying to block out the sounds of my parents' interrogation. They are worried about me; and I don't blame them. I don't like to make people worry about me, especially when it's people who care about me. And because my parents tend to do strange things when they're worried about me.
"Is your room clean?""Yes.""Bed made?""Uh-huh""Grades good?""By my standards.""Your standards?""Passing."
There is a long awkward pause. Mama purses her lips. Baba smiles uncomfortably as if he has made a bad joke. Or a fart.
"Well... ok." Kron looks pleased with himself. Probably because he always gets A's. And that's only because he's a goody- two- shoes and actually cares about the pointless stuff we learn at school. I don't, so that's generally my justification for a lot of things.
"Any problems we should know about?" My father says, with restrained anger. "No." I stare down at my empty bowl, hoping desperately for something to happen to delay the inevitable question."Beatrix, listen, we heard from Mr.- ""Actually there was something I wanted to talk about. You know, about the problem thing." I smile apologetically before I continue. I hope that's enough. "There was this um, new girl. And she was very smart and pretty and cool and-"I find myself getting wistful about the thought of Fae- "Well, anyway she made me feel like the um, opposite of all those things. Because, you know, she was so amazing, and I feel like I'm not. So I guess I got a bit jealous, and then I felt kind of weird for feeling jealous. So, yeah. Um, and I guess I've never really felt like, um, actually jealous of someone before, so that's why I felt weird, and that's my problem, I guess. He heh heh." I laugh a little, awkwardly and I excuse myself from the table as I talk. "So, bye, then I guess." But as I turn into the corridor-
"Why did you run down the trail home from school, so, so, so...I don't know...? Like... that." I wince. No more delaying. I slowly swerve my feet around to face them, bearing a fake smile.
"Like what, dad." I say, innocently."Oh, come on, you know what your baba means, Bea." "Ok, I do. But you see, it was about the new girl, Fae. And my jealousy with her. You know, the thing I was talking ab- ""It wasn't, Bea. I know when you're lying." She said, concerned. "It was, I swear." I look her in the eyes. "It's just so hard, being the kid with the lowest grades. And I try mom, I really do. I play it off with this cool, apathetic attitude, but I really do care. And when someone like this new girl shows up she just makes me feel stupid and worthless. And that makes me angry, and when I'm angry I want to run." It scares me how sincerely I say this. Maybe it was partially the truth. Or maybe I'm just a really good liar. I think when you're really good at lying you start lying to yourself. Perhaps it's dangerous, but what other choice do I have? I can't make them worry, I can't let them see me in the way I see myself.
"Well.... Alright." Mama seems happy with this answer. Dad is not."You want to run, eh?" "Yeah, I guess so..." I shrug."You can run yourself to the fucking fire, run yourself to get the fucking wood and then run yourself over the fucking coals." I gulp. Kron chokes on his half- eaten cereal, coughing up milk and wet crumbs all over the table.
>>
You should've been able to do this without getting hurt. I'm sorry. That was my fault
YOU ARE READING
Beneath
AdventureBeatrix is stuck in a world she doesn't want to be in. Abusive parents, boring repetitive day-to-day life, and feeling completely alone is finally getting to her. The only thing keeping her afloat is a book she found in an abandoned library long ago...
