The Boy in the Garden

Giving up

I wake up. Then go back to sleep. I wake up again, and then go back to sleep again. This is a cycle until around 3:00 when my door opens. I don't even look up to see who it is. The person whoever it is sits on my bed and kicks off their shoes then lays with me. I freeze. Unable to breathe. Did he come back? How'd he get into my house. I start crying. "Please don't hurt me. I'll do anything. Just please don't hurt me." The person sits up slowly. I turn around to see Russle.

"Jackson, are you okay?" I start crying more. He holds me. He pulls me into his arms, and holds me close. I start to freak a tiny bit. It hurts to be held down now. Then eventually I realize who it is and relax into it. I finally stop crying. "Thank you." He wipes one last year from my cheek. "What's wrong? Last night you seemed fine. What happened?"

I go into the story of me walking home. I see his face contort in sheer horror. I see him make a face I don't quite understand, and then his face turns angry. Finally his face turns into softness, and then tears roll down his eyes. "Jackson, I'm so sorry. I can't believe I let this happen. I shouldn't have drank last night." I quickly wrap my arms around his shoulders. He stops crying and looks up at me. Our noses barely touching. I lean and kiss him. He pulls back. "Woah man I'm straight." I start freakin out. "I'm so sorry. Russle, you need to leave. I'm sorry. " I push him out the door, down the stairs, and out the house. I run back upstairs and cry again.

Two minutes later I'm digging into my cabinets looking for something. It takes me another three minutes to find it. I hold it in my hand and go into my bathroom that's in my room. I close and lock the door. I bring the item down onto my arm, and feel it press into my skin. The blood drops from my arm into the sink. I quickly bring the blade down again on my arm five times. Deep cuts run vertically along my arm. I sit there watching the blood flow and I finally stop crying.

Five minutes later there's a knocking on my bathroom door. "Jackson, please open the door. I'm not mad." The sound of Russle's voice startles me into moving. I quickly unlock the door and let him in. He sees the blood on my arm, and freaks out. "Jackson, why?" He washes my arm out in the sink and wraps my arm up in bandages. He looks at me again and kisses me. this one longer the last. He holds my head and runs his fingers through my hair. He pulls me as close as he can, and then ends the kiss. "Don't ever do that again." He picks me up, pulls me into bed, and then lays down next to me.

"I saw the faded scars on your arm on the way to the party. I thought they were something else. Please don't hurt yourself. I already lost someone close to me." I turn around. "I didn't know. I'm sorry." He looks at me. "My sister, Alyssa, she used to cut. Then she took it too far and killed herself one day. I already lost my most important person. You are my most important person now. I don't want to lose you either." He kisses me again. Softly and slowly.

"Russle, I'm confused. What is happening?" He looks at me. "I don't know, but I like it."

Our night consists of more crying, more kissing, and then finally sleep.