My Little Shadow

Chapter Five: Deliriously Delectable

Sorry, it was a day late:)

I watch as the fairy bounces around on the stage with the help of supporting strings. Her hair is in a blonde bun to fit her character as Tinker Bell. They have someone playing sound effects for every time she threw pixie dust on one of the kids below.

The big man that was watching TV the first time I was in the common room loves it to the point that he claps and giggles loudly occasionally. The nurses line the walls keeping an eye on all of the patients, the field trip going off without a hitch, despite me being bored out of my mind.

My Shadow has grown braver and braver. She doesn't just spy on me now; she openly follows behind me like Angelina use to do as I cleaned up the house. My meltdown a couple of days ago made her braver in coming up to me, I think she's trying to help in her silent way.

The nurses seem happy by it, Dr. Wilson is ecstatic and says we would be good for each other. Which I have to disagree with, I'm not healthy for anyone. I'm riddled with revenge right now, which isn't ideal for her situation.

I'm selfish because when I see her following me, I think about her inappropriately when that is probably the last thing on her mind. I'm selfish because I willingly took the distraction, she gave me the other day but if she had asked me to do the same for her then I wouldn't have. I'm selfish because even though I know I'm the last person she needs to be idolizing as she does with those blue eyes of hers I can't help but love the way it makes me feel.

I'm not a good person, I don't have that instinct to put everyone above myself like I use to when I was younger because I grew up and realize if I'm the only one that feels that way then people just take and take until there is nothing left for me to give.

People are selfish creatures by nature and I'm not about to be the outlier here. The instinct to protect her is still there because I need something to feel, something that lets me know I'm still more than the shell I've been the past few weeks. I feel it because it is the only thing I can feel right now.

So, I didn't stop her when she sat down beside me to watch the play, I didn't stop her from hiding behind me whenever a man got too close today. I loved it, I loved that I could give her that safety net, but it wasn't for her sake, well at least not completely, I loved it because it gave me a purpose in a world where I lack any. If I sank into this role, I might be able to avoid going to prison when they released me. A protector, not a killer.

Augie sat on the other side of her, and he would grab her hand now and again, she didn't seem to mind. She would smile at him and point to the stage to get him to watch the mediocre Peter Pan play.

A man in the middle of the row stands up and starts scooting himself by, oh shit.

I glance at May, but she hasn't noticed the man yet, too entranced in Tinker Bell as she sprinkles pixie dust all over the stage. I glance at the space between the approaching man and May. I didn't have much time before he would have to scoot his way past her, and it might seem like it isn't a big deal, but I've watched her today always making herself mold against my side whenever a guy was even only four feet away.

I did the only thing that I had time to do, I grabbed her upper arm and pulled her my way. I throw my arm over her chest and let it rest on the seat next to us just as the man squeezed past us. I felt her body tense and could only hope it was from the stranger and not from me. The last thing I would want was to make her uncomfortable when I was trying to do the exact opposite.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding when as soon as the man passed by she eased into my touch like melted chocolate, her heart beating wildly, chest rising and falling quickly.