Luck in a Sense (Illumi x Reader)

Depression

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Now that he had the taste for battle and could trust my knowledge he was unable to contain his impatience. It wasn't a desperate sort of thing. Just repetitive.

"Is this the next favor?" He would ask.

"I'll tell you when," I would answer.

Now we sat on the roof upon my request. I kept spouting about how high they were and how the stars were basically invisible during nights in the city.

Perhaps he was just lingering around me until I asked for my next favor. Whatever it was I enjoyed it.

Being with him, I felt as if I had two wholes.

Unlike before, he the black of my white and the white of my black. It wasn't just my urge to fuck him anymore.

"You know what I was thinking about while you were finishing the last room?" I asked.

He sat silent, listening, I hope.

"All my life has been... disorganized, besides my beginnings, of course." I held my breath, then quickly moved on. "And yours, on the other hand..."

"I understand," he said while we both looked up at the sky. I wondered if the stars would be absorbed into his eyes too.

The wind was blowing goosebumps onto my arms while we sat on the roof of the hotel.

"You do?" I refocused.

"You're saying our lives are opposites," he explained.

"You must agree? You caught on so quickly..."

"Why?"

"Why? What?"

"Why do you ask me so many questions?" He wondered, with his genuine curiosity.

"I... haa..." For a moment my heart stopped. My consciousness was going to speak for me. I was going to say something ridiculous.

I was going to say... that I—

His head turned to me, noticing my choking.

I looked at him quickly, a bit embarrassed.

What? Me? Embarrassed?

He lightly turned to me, intrigued.

Could he be seeing what I was feeling?

This was unlike anything I've felt. I was... nervous. Scared. But of what?

"Hm?" He urged.

"Illumi," suddenly my throat was dry. Suddenly every action I had made in the past few months was disgustingly childish. Suddenly, pain.

Like a tree stump landed on my chest and a splinter pierced deep enough to reach my heart.

My arms fell limp and I collapsed backward, holding my chest. It was nothing physical at first, but the pain was going from warmth to a scorching blaze.

That... that thing! I've been trying to avoid it since I first lost my parents...

Depression.

It had come out of its hiding in the back of my being and took hold of me. I hadn't seen it coming this time!

"Agh!"

It normally took a long silence for it to find an opening. So I would shun it—depression—with a song or alcohol or anything distracting. Left to be faced another time.

My instinct to laugh kicked in.

I smiled. I laughed. I fought it the only way I knew how. Now it was physical. It had never taken me over like this before.

"No, no, no," my throat was sore and my laugh was on edge and I tried to lock back into the depth of Illumi's eyes.

He was right above me. Hovering over me now, his hand over mine that clutched my chest as if trying to pull the pain out of my body on its own.

"STOP!!!" I shouted at it. "Illumi, you're so hot!" I tried.

Childish. Immature. It said.

The defenses I had normally put up against this thing were failing.

Why? I wreathed.

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