𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 || joel miller ¹

[ 𝟎𝟔 ] 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬

─ ❝ HE'S NO USE TO ME DEAD ❞

──── ⋆◖◍◗⋆ ────

RENEE WAS UP HOURS BEFORE dawn broke, yet another night of tormenting dreams cutting her rest short. She never got any more than three hours of sleep at a time, she found. That was all that was spared for her before she would jolt upright, drenched in a sheet of cold sweat and screaming the names of those who she watched die in the most horrific ways.

She sat on her bed with a glass nestled in her lap, filled nearly to the top with whatever alcohol she had grabbed in her dark kitchen. It didn't do much to help her forget, or even nurse her back to sleep, but it did make the images etched into the backs of her eyelids a bit fuzzier.

Her aloof gaze was fixed on the window, stuck on the brick building just across the way. But that wasn't what she was seeing.

The woman squeezed her eyes shut and sucked a deep breath in, quickly pushing it out through her nose as she lifted the rim of the cup to her lips.

She set it down onto the table beside her bed and scooted herself to the edge of the tough mattress, her bare feet hitting the cold wooden floor. It sent a chill through her body and she shivered, momentarily cursing her lack of warm clothing. But it was the most she had felt that morning, even after the alcohol buzz started to set in.

Renee trudged into the dreary bathroom connected to the room and flicked on the light, wincing against the harsh fluorescence that flooded her eyes. She avoided looking in the dirty mirror, already painfully aware of how awful she must have looked.

Instead, she spun around and started the shower.

The only thing Renee could confidently say she enjoyed about her insomnia was that it ensured she was always up early enough to get the first of the hot water for the day.

Water trickled in through a shower head caked in hard water stains and mineral build up, the thick droplets echoing as they hit the bottom of the tub. Renee waved her hand through the thin rain until it was warm enough to get in, which wasn't long at all.

The shower was quick, just long enough to get the smell of sweat and the layer of grime from the day before off of her skin. Her shampoo was running low — on its last few uses if she decided to add a few more teaspoons of water to it — and her soap bar was almost paper thin. She made a mental note to put in the order to Nina when she saw her later.

If things went well with the job, she might even get to swindle the woman and use her shower tonight.

If things went well.

It sounded so simple when it was only a thought crossing her mind. But that was her life now. It was how she was supposed to survive. If things didn't go well, she wouldn't.

Her wet hair clung to her tattered white t-shirt as she brushed her teeth, the faint minty flavor clashing with the bitterness that lingered in her mouth. It had become such an oddly comforting combination after so many mornings of it.

She finally looked up into the mirror, her movements slowing to a stop while her eyes traced over every one of her features. Her cheeks were slightly sunken in, making her cheekbones more prominent than usual, and it was clear she was lacking iron. Her eyes seemed to bulge out with how dark her under-eyes were.