Spring

CHAPTER 36

Weeks went by and something was different. Something wasn't right. Chance was acting strange. Not in a weird way just .... not the usual. He would always care for me and be there, still he was distant. Traveling farther away from my grasp.

Something wasn't right.

Chance would never have me around when he was with his friends. And when I did communicate to him that It made me upset he would make up by taking me out or us spending quality time together.

Unfortunately I would forgive him because I loved him. How could I stay mad at someone I love? Those times where he would hold me in his arms, It made me feel comfortable. It made me feel safe.

During one lunch I told Laura about my concerns, she said that "If you don't trust someone then that's not a good sign. But if you love them than everything should be fine."

To be honest it wasn't the best advice. In a way she could be right.

Yet one glance at Chance sends butterflies down my stomach, and I forget everything.

. . .

It was a Thursday and this was one of the many lunches Chance didn't sit with me and Laura. I was fine with it because he can sit with who ever he wants, I only wanted to sit with him as well.

"Hey Laura.."

"What is it?" She requested with a face full of ham sandwich.

"I think today I am going to sit with Chance and his friends. What do you think?"

"I say go for it, he is your boyfriend after all. You have no reason to be afraid."

Laura was correct. There was no reason for me to be nervous, right? Then why was I so scared?

"You know what... fuck it, I'm gonna do it."

"Yes I think you should."

"Hey can you come with me?" I begged.

"Sorry I'd prefer to be in the background. Plus I don't feel that comfortable going over there. That's just me though."

"That's OK.... anyway wish me luck."

"I will be over here if you need me", she shouted as I advanced to his seating area.

Avoiding all the people who didn't know how to sit properly I was getting closer to Chance. I really was terrified. A weight was pressed up on top of my back.

"Hey Chance", I waved to him.

"Oh hey Violet how are you?", he smiled back at me which was reassuring.

"Oh ummm ..... can I sit here?"

"Uhh sure."

There wasn't much room, so I delicately placed myself on the edge of the bench next to one of his friends.

They continued on with their conversation, while I sat and listened equally confused. I didn't know when to start or when to join in. I was just there.

Sitting among st everyone was one of Chances ex-girlfriends, Haley. She was absolutely stunning. She wore two silver hooped earrings. Her hair was up in a high ponytail. Her face was done but not too much, it looked natural at first.

Her eyes scanned me up and down, inspecting me. Chance had taped her on the shoulder and pulled her in to whisper in her ear.

In response she nudged him away meanwhile saying "never in a million years."

Chance chuckled at her response and shrugged. What did he whisper in her ear? I want to know. Was it really that funny?

"So Chance .... want to hang out after school?" On the spot I finally was able to think of something to say.

"Oh.... listen I am really sorry but I can't today. Maybe some other time."

"That's ok."

An unsettling aura hovered over the table. People sitting exchanged judgmental peeks at me. Haley was one of them. Yet it wasn't judgement but pity.

Leaving the table not saying goodbye it made me wonder. Chance used to date all these girls who were popular and gorgeous. Why would he want to date me? I cannot compare. Will I ever be good enough.

Instead to feeling anger all I did was think I want to be like them.

NO!

I have to be better.