Nothing Ever Lasts Forever | BOOK 1 ✔️

29 | Numb

TW: graphic self-harm, talk about different ways to hurt yourself, abuse, Chad

!!!Please be extra careful while reading this chapter!!!

There will be a special trigger warning mark before the triggering part.

Kiara

"I am begging you please don't do this" I cry out. His eyes are filled with hatred, this time for me. He only hates me right now.

And he is very good at showing it. "I will stop when you stop being so fucking weak and pathetic" he growls.

His voice is low and raspy. "I have another surprise for you"

Is he bipolar?

"This seems to be the only way to guarantee you will never ever become weak again" he says as I watch another two people walk in.

No. Nononono. Please no.

I watch as Luke and Celina get down to business. Not only do I hear them now but watch also.

It hurts. It won't stop before it stops hurting.

I feel a pinch on my arm. And another and another. He is literally pumping me full of drugs.

Stop feeling
Stop feeling
Stop feeling
Stop feeling
Stop feeling
Stop feeling

STOP
FEELING.

And there's the snap.

Numb.
Nothing
Absolutely nothing

"Sorellina wake up!" a voice yells.

I open my eyes to Caleb shaking me. What the fuck?

"Are you okay? You looked like you were having a seizure" he says with his worried eyes examining me.

"Just a dream" I say dismissing it. "It didn't look like just a dream" he keeps prying. "It's 4 am, I want to sleep" I say trying again to get him to let it go.

"I'm calling Alex" he says. "No don't. He barely sleeps as it is. Don't bother him with that" I rub my eyes.

"I can't fall asleep knowing something's wrong" he won't shut up will he.

"I'm okay. I need sleep though. We are kidnapping Chad in a few hours"

He finally let it go. I waited for him to fall asleep. I knew he wouldn't let me leave alone.

I walked out of the house to the backyard. I loved early mornings. They were so peaceful. Watching the world wake up like that.

I went to our gazebo overlooking the lake. It was surrounded by rose bushes and it was beautiful.

The boys rarely came here and I haven't in a long time. During winter I used to come here to think. Nobody could find me.

*TW*

Now I sat down with a blade. I didn't want to do it since I was finally somewhat clean but I deserved it.

I dragged the blade across my wrist and let out a breath as the blood run down. I felt at peace. It hurt just the right amount.

The words and images from my dream replayed in my head. So I made another cut.

And another.

And another.

And another.

Until they disappeared.

I wrapped a bandage around my wrist and put the blade into a small pocket in my boots. So it was safe.

I walked back into the house.

I know I should've called a code red on Caleb, that's the reason I was with him in the first place but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I couldn't comprehend the idea of him worrying about me throughout the day just because I get urges.

There are countless less dangerous ways to hurt yourself. Burning hot showers, scalp picking, scratching, picking on cuticles until they bleed, pinching, punching etc.

They were just as bad as the cutting or burning. But nobody ever noticed them. The marks never showed.

And then there's the one where you strangle yourself until almost passing out or go underwater in the bathtub until you almost drown.

The key word is almost. There's a certain point you reach which allows you to finally stop.

***

Anyway. Enough of this.

I needed to prepare.

Today will be the last day anyone ever sees Chad Sebastian Yard.

His blood will be on my hands and I'm okay with it. I want it.

It was now 7 am. Time flies when you're deep in thought. In an hour the boys must be downstairs and ready to go.

Lorenzo and his friends will arrive at 7:50. They wanted to see Chad's life leave his eyes.

Every decent person hated him. Every attention-deprived person adored him.

He was the kind of guy that when he even looked at you, you were special.

If you caught his eye you were somewhat pretty.

It was so stupid. How girls would define how pretty they were depending on how or for how long Chad Yard looked at them.

I felt bad for them. I'm doing them a favor today.

A guard came up to me.

"Miss Carpenter, Leonardo Taffel's family is asking for another week" he says. I frown. "Tell them they have three days and that they are lucky I'm even willing to listen to them" I respond.

Usually Alex handles this stuff but since I'm a bad bitch and almost everybody in this house is afraid of me...I get to decide these things.

Enough of being a mafia princess. It's a term for the weak girls born into a family. It's depressing.

"Miss Carpenter, the Taffels thanked you for your generosity and mister Torres said that he will be joining you today" I thanked him.

Why the fuck is Luke joining us?

As of a curse he showed up. "Athena, please listen to me" he started as I was about to walk away. "It didn't mean anything. I promise. I fucking love you. Nobody else" he ranted.

"You love Kiara, Luke. And she doesn't exist anymore. You think that I could become her again but I don't want to. So unless you can love who I am now. Don't try to convince me of lies"

I know I'm incapable of loving anybody after the whole Kiara to Athena change. But that doesn't mean he can't love me.

I might be cruel for it but I don't care. I just don't care anymore.

My wrists sting.

"Ready?" I hear Elijah ask us. We nod and make our way to the car.

I've been waiting so long for this.

The boys were for lookout. Their job was to get Chad's friends to come with them so that Chad was alone with me.

They went to play football on the field. I walked through the hallway. It was empty and quiet. He was walking out of the changing rooms.

"Ah Carpenter" he said when he saw me. He wasn't supposed to recognize me that fast.

"Yard" I said emotionlessly. "Came for a quick fuck?" he asks. "What?" I asked. "My friend said you were the best sex of his life. Before he died that is" he explains.

"You remember Carl, don't you"

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