Nothing Ever Lasts Forever | BOOK 1 ✔️

19 | The lows are really fucking low

TW: mania, mention of past abuse

Luke

She ran. Of course she did. I knew Alex would most likely kill me so I was preparing for that.

"I'm paying for you to start the treatment" he says emotionlessly. "What?" that was actually shocking. "You're getting treated for it end of story. And then you go to Kiara and you give her the good news" he says.

"Hans-" I try to argue. "That girl loves you. If you don't want to live for yourself, live for her" my brother says. Chris and Dylan are talking to each other about something. "Why were you okay with him not getting treated in the first place?" Alex asks turning to Hans.

"I wasn't but I'm a doctor, I have to respect wishes" he says. "And after Ariana, I was just glad that I could prepare myself for it" he finishes. Alex nods.

Seems like nobody cares about my opinion on the matter. Ugh. Well I might as well try it. No money will go to waste hopefully and I truly do love Kiara. If she still loves me I would happily ask her to be my girlfriend.

After some time Alex and Dylan left leaving me alone with Chris and my brother. It was a bit awkward to be honest. I wasn't expecting him to throw Hans out and talk to me privately, that's for sure. But life is full of surprises.

"If you want to yell at me for making Kir upset, I can take it" I tell him. "We both know she'll be over it tomorrow" he responds. It confuses me. If he isn't mad at me then what the fuck does he want from me? "I'm not sure I understand what you want to talk to me about" I say carefully.

"I need somebody to keep her safe. You know we do our best but we won't always be there. So I need you there with her. Keeping her safe. Our enemies heard about the drug problem and will be after her soon" he explains.

"She hates me" I say. "You have to make it up to her. Get close again. Fucking date her if needed" he says. I know they don't want their sister with boys. So he must be really desperate.

"Oh and she can't fall off the deep end again. You need to make sure she stays away from the edge" he says before leaving me and my thoughts alone. How would I make her forgive me?

I wanted to. So badly. I would have to sell my fucking soul for her to accept my apology. And I was willing to do that. But there had to be a better way too.

I should ask Alex.

Kiara

Luke has cancer and he is not getting treated for it. I think my heart broke alongside everything else in my room. My mirror now only shards of glass all over the floor, picture frames shattered, holes in walls.

I look at the manic state of my room. Tears make their way back to my eyes and I curl up on the floor. Elijah and Caleb are right behind my door but I couldn't care less.

I haven't felt that apathetic in a long time. When tears are running down your face like it's a race while you feel absolutely nothing. Like your body and brain switched from manual to automatic. Nothing I did was my own doing anymore. It was just my reflexes keeping me alive. So desperately trying to keep me alive.

After a while the tears stopped. Now it was just me staring at the wall. Not caring about glass all around me wanting to make me bleed. But it felt new because for the first time ever I didn't want to make myself bleed. I wanted to forget everything. I wanted the feeling of dizziness once the drugs start working. I wanted the complete blackout every time I consumed too much alcohol.

I wanted the oblivion. I wanted to forget. I begged my mind to forget. Forget about Luke. Forget about my brothers. Forget about me.

I had so foolishly let him love me and myself love him. Mother and father always said that love is for the weak. Ironic considering they died hand-in-hand. They told me love hurts. And they were right. They even proved it with their own hands. And I knew that if I didn't love Luke, this wouldn't hurt.

Watching him die wouldn't hurt. A few weeks ago I wanted it to hurt. I wanted my body to hurt. Now I want somebody else to hurt. I want to watch somebody else in pain because their comments put me in my pain. I wanted to kill every single person at school that ever looked at me the wrong way. Every single person that ever spread rumors.

I wanted them dead by my hand. I wanted to watch the light leave their eyes. And even if Luke lives and everything turns out to be fine. I never want to see Kiara again. She doesn't exist anymore. Athena has been waiting to come out and I'm finally letting her.

Kiara fell in love. Athena destroys it. She has always been the devil on my shoulder. And she finally won.

Luke didn't break my heart. I did. Because the second he hurt it in the slightest, I knew that I can't afford to let any man break it. But that's what men do. So I took it and shattered it along with my room.

I packed my bags that night. Not knowing if I would ever see this room again. Not caring if I'd ever see Luke again. I left through the window. Not caring for Elijah and Caleb silently begging me to open the door. I was done.

I'd been a chess piece in an unfair game and it was time to actually play it. It was time to show everybody why I was born the mafia princess. Except I ain't no princess anymore.

I'm the motherfucking queen.

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