Woso X y/n

First day back x

Katie: babe you need to get up we have training in half an hour
Y/n: ughhhh 5 more minutes
Katie: we don't have five more minutes. Come on (she grabs your hands helping you out of bed)
Katie: go get a shower and then shout me and I'll come do your hair
Y/n: okay (you give her a quick kiss and then get a shower)
Y/n: kattieeee (you shout)
Katie: yeah what's up
Y/n: can you do my hair now?
Katie: yeah course. Come here (you sit at the vanity and she does your hair)
Y/n: thankyou angel
Katie: it's okay. I've packed your bag and there's some fruit and a smoothie on the kitchen side
Y/n: you're the best (you give her a hug and kiss her. You then go downstairs) morning beffy, morning viv
Beth: morning girly
Y/n: how's baby b this morning
Beth: all good. I haven't been sick... yet (you giggle)
Y/n: are you both coming in our car to training?
Viv: no we are going to see the midwife first and then we will be back around 1
Y/n: okay good luck. Let me know how it goes (you grab your stuff off the side and go to leave) bye baby b (you put your hand on Beth's stomach and then get in the car)
Katie: I'm taxing the aux
Y/n: no it's my car
Katie: please
Y/n: Ughh fine, what's your schedule for the day like?
Katie: erm just training and then some media bits
Y/n: oh okay cool
Katie: what about yours
Y/n: training and then Alex
Katie: oh okay everything's alright tho?
Y/n: yeah I don't know to be honest
Katie: you can talk to me you know
Y/n: I know, I just haven't felt like myself recently
Katie: well I'm proud of you for speaking up about how you feel. How about I meet you outside Alex's office later and then we can go get lunch with viv and beffy?
Y/n: I'd love that thankyou babe
Katie: no worries
(You arrive at training and head to the changing rooms)
Leah: hey girly
Y/n: hey Le le (you give her a hug)
Leah: how've you been?
Y/n: good you
Leah: great thanks
Lotte: where's Beth and Viv
Y/n: I think they've both took a personal day
Lotte: oh that's not like them
Y/n: I know, I think they're coming in at lunch anyways
Lotte: oh okay
(You all go out on the pitch and train for an hour and then head to the ice baths)
Katie: you okay babe
(You're completely zoned out and can't hear or see anything. You're starting to feel really dizzy)
Katie: babe? Come on y/n (she's shaking you and tapping you but you can't snap out of it)
Y/n, y/n come on princess. Leah (she shouts) get medics now
(Leah runs out to get medics and you start to fall so Katie lies you down on the floor)
Katie: come on wake up. Snap out of it y/n
Medic: what's happened?
Katie: she just zoned out it's been a good few minutes and she started to fall so I just led her down
Medic: has she got adhd ?
Katie: not that I'm aware of
Medic: she's showing signs of dissociation
Katie: what's that? She's gonna be okay right?
Medic: it's complete detachment from everything going on around you. It's usually due to stressful situations, information overload, sleep deprivation anything like that
Katie: but she wasn't doing anything
Medic: she could feel stressed or could be overthinking, anything can factor into it
Katie: for fucks sake
Medic: has she hit her head recently?
(They're checking your heart rate, pulse, routine checks etc)
Katie: no she hasn't, how long will she be out of it?
Medic: could you get me some cold water
Katie: yeah sure (she quickly gets some and the medic pours it on your hands)
Medic: okay that's not working, have any of yous got perfume?
Gio: yeah (she runs off and comes back with perfume, the medic lifts your head and puts the bottle under your nose)
Medic: this is one of the most severe dissociations I've ever seen
Katie: why aren't you taking her to the medical room or to the fucking hospital
Medic: calm down okay dissociations happen a lot more frequently then you'd think. Can someone get me some warm water
Leah: here (she passes the medic warm water and she pours it on your hands. You instantly jump out of it and you're hyperventilating)
Katie: hey, hey calm down. I'm right here. You're okay
Y/n: what happened (you start crying)
Medic: you're fine, you just dissociated it's like zoning out but slightly more severe
Y/n: oh
Medic: have you had them before?
Y/n: erm... no
Medic: okay well this will likely be a one time thing, if it happens again make an appointment with your gp
Y/n: I will do thanks, can you take me out of here (you look at Katie and she picks you up carrying you to the changing rooms)
Katie: why did you lie before
Y/n: what do you mean?
Katie: I know you well enough to know when you're lying
Y/n: okay I have had them before
Katie: so why lie then?
Y/n: because I've not had them since Germany, I thought they had stopped. I used to have them multiple times a day, it was ruining my life. It literally took over, I couldn't even train for an hour without zoning out 2 or 3 times. That's why they stopped giving me any game time. If Jonas finds out he'll send me on loan or just keep me on bench. I won't cope, I can't. I need what happened then to be a one time thing, I can't go back to how it was.
Katie: if this keeps happening I won't keep it a secret, I'm sorry but it's so dangerous, what if you zone out on the pitch and pass out, you could get injured. What if you're driving and you zone out, you could crash. No, it's so dangerous. I can't (she's pacing the room)
Y/n: it'll be fine, calm down
Katie: how do expect me to calm down
Y/n: I'm used to it, it will be okay
Katie: how do you snap out of it though
Y/n: perfume
Katie: we tried perfume
Y/n: it has to be Keira's or Georgia's, I'll order some tonight
Katie: okay, I'm sorry for panicking, I love you (she sits down next to you putting her hand on your thigh and you move it)
Y/n: I'm so sorry (you get up)
Katie: what (she puts her head in her hands and you walk out crying. You go to Alex's office)
Alex: hey y/n, you okay?
Y/n: no (you sit on the couch and curl up in a ball)
Alex : talk to me
Y/n: so much is going on in my head, everyday I wake up and I don't feel anything, I just feel numb and I look in the mirror and I don't even recognise myself. I have so many people around me yet I still feel so lonely and I'm trying so hard to get better but the harder I try the worse I feel. I've just really hurt Katie and I don't know what to do. I think I need to take a few months away from football
Alex: okay let's break this down and talk through everything. You said you hurt Katie, what do you mean?
Y/n: we were both having a deep conversation let's say, and she sat down next to me and I just said I'm sorry and walked out on her
Alex: why did you walk out on her?
Y/n: I can't keep dragging her down with me all the time
Alex: you're not dragging her down, you love her and she loves you. In sickness and health right?
Y/n: we're not married though, she shouldn't have to be looking after me and trying to fix me all the time, she should go find someone who's less drama, someone who doesn't need saving
Alex: you need to speak to her and tell her how your feel
Y/n: I know but I just can't (you're sobbing) everyone I love always gets hurt. I push everyone away.
Alex: well then stop
Y/n: it's not as easy as that though is it
Alex: well if you know you're doing it then why don't you just stop doing it
Y/n: because I want to protect the people I love from all the bad shit I put hem through and by pushing them away I feel like that's me protecting them.
Alex: let's take Keira for example though, you kept everything from her to "protect" her but it was actually better off that you told her. Do you not think it's better to just tell people how you feel and then maybe you wouldn't have to push them away all the time
Y/n: you know what I actually can't do this today. Tell Jonas I'm taking I don't know let's say 3 months out, if he doesn't want me back he can send me on loan or whatever, I don't care
Alex: don't do this y/n
Y/n: I have to, this isn't working for me. I need to find something that will actually help me
(You walk out and start driving. You go to the little cafe you found before international break)
Ed: hey sunshine, you're back
Y/n: aww hey Ed, are you okay?
Ed: I'm great thankyou
Y/n: and Susan?
Ed: she's doing good. She's upstairs taking a nap. So how have you been?
Y/n: not too bad
Ed: aw okay. What would you like today?
Y/n: could I have a hot chocolate please?
Ed: of course, I'll bring it over
Y/n: thanks Ed (you go sit down at you're usual booth by the window and a couple minutes later Ed comes over)
Ed: here you go sweetie, one hot chocolate, I put whipped cream and marsh mellows on top to cheer you up (he grins) and I brought you a cupcake with pink sprinkles
Y/n: aww thanks, you're the best
Ed: no worries. Enjoy!
(You decide to FaceTime g)
G: hey babe
Y/n: hey
G: talk now. What's going on
Y/n: whoah calm down
G: I know when you're upset, so talk. Tell me what's happening
Y/n: okay well my heads just a mess
G: is it bad bad ?
Y/n: no I kinda feel at peace with it
G: what do you mean
Y/n: I feel like I just need to sort things out and have a fresh start
G: you need to explain more, you're confusing me
Y/n: okay here we go, I had one of my episodes today, not the worst one I've ever had but i was out for a good 10 minutes. Katie was scared like really worried I could just see it on her face, we got into this big thing afterwards and I just walked out on her. Like I'm gonna talk to her soon but I just think it's for the best if I break up with her, like I think I need to be on my own and start to help myself and love myself before I can love anyone else. Like I can't fault Katie at all because the girl would do anything for me, but all I do is hurt her and push her away and I can't keep doing that. I also spoke to Alex but I don't think that's helping me, I think I need to do things on my own terms to be honest, and I've taken 3 months of. I just feel like I need time, I need a break to have some adventure and find myself, maybe go stay with my mums for a bit or i don't know go to Barca and see ke ke or come to Germany and see you, there's just so many things I need to do. I just need to heal and I just need closure for everything so that's what I'm gonna do.
G: whoah okay. That was a lot to take in but honestly I'm proud of you for listening to your body for once. Like if this is what you need then by all means do it. Just promise me you'll come back to football afterwards
Y/n: I will I promise
G: okay good. Well please speak to Katie and just ring me tonight
Y/n: I will do I love you
G: forever and always
Y/n: always and forever (you end the call and ring Katie)
Katie: hi
Y/n: I'm sorry about before. Can we talk?
Katie: yeah where are you?
Y/n: at Ed's cafe
Katie: okay drop me a pin, I'll be ten minutes
Y/n: okay bye
(You end the call)
Y/n: hey Ed my friend Katie is joining me in a minute, please could you make her a coffee for when she arrives
Ed: of course I can darling, would you like another drink?
Y/n: could I get a glass of water please
Ed: yes, give me a few minutes and I'll be over
Y/n: thankyou
(Katie arrives and sits facing you, you can tell she's been crying as her face is stained from her tears)
Y/n: hey
Katie: hey
Ed: here you go, one coffee and one glass of water
Y/n: thanks ed
Ed: no worries sweetheart
Katie: what do you want to talk about ?
Y/n: I'm sorry about before
Katie: you walked out on me
Y/n: I know
Katie: you made me feel like shit
Y/n: I know and I'm sorry
Katie: I can't keep doing this anymore
(You put your hand on her cheek)
Y/n: I know and we don't have to. I'm gonna say some things now that you're not going to like but please just hear me out and let me explain
Katie: okay
Y/n: I think it's best if we break up
Katie: what (she's crying)
(You hold her hands across the table)
Y/n: just hear me out. All I ever do is hurt you and push you away and I can't keep doing that. You're perfect, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I don't want to lose you, but I just think this is for the best. I've taken 3 months off football and I just need to clear my head and sort myself out. I can't keep hurting the people I love.
Katie: I don't want us to break up. I love you no matter what
Y/n: look I love you more than you will ever know, but I have to do this.
Katie: what's gonna happen about living arrangements though?
Y/n: I'll figure something out, there's things a I want to do and places I need to go
Katie: I hate this, I don't want to lose you
Y/n: I'll always love you okay
Katie: I'll wait for you
Y/n: no you won't, you'll find someone great, someone who doesn't need saving all the time
Katie: but I love you, I don't want anyone else
Y/n: I know but please just trust me. This is for the best
(You wipe the tears of her cheeks. You give her one last kiss)
Y/n: I'm going to pack my stuff, I'll be back okay.
Katie: I love you
Y/n: I love you