Citrus: Mei's Story+Matsuri volume 2 - Targeted Heart

II. Matsuri - A Familiar Vibe

As I watched Inori run off to join his friends at school, I found myself thinking back to my outing with Harumi to the lesbian café. Just her taking me there and showing me that she fit in was enough to make my mind race. The way she spoke about our reason for going just told me that she had meant it as a sort of coming out. She was sapphic. I just didn't know if she was like Mei or like me. Either way, it wasn't enough to take it to mean she was more than attracted to me. It wasn't a confession. I doubted she would ever actually confess anything. The time in between then and now certainly implied that. We had continued to hang out— she even made a point to invite me to her house on a regular basis— but she hadn't once told me we were going on the date. Now instead of hiding behind Yuzu, she was hiding behind the power she had yanked away from me. At least that's how it seemed.
I let out a sigh. It didn't help that I felt like I was a little more off than I had been in a while. If the only people I saw today was Inori and Harumi, I would be fine. Everyone else was pushing it. But it was too late to call in sick today, and I really did want to see her today. So I ran to the station and tried to ignore the existence of other people as much as I could. It wasn't easy, and once I got to the station it was impossible. Somehow everyone was trying to take my train today. The whole of Tokyo seemed determined to ruin my desired isolation. It was so much worse in the train. We were packed in too tight and I had to hold my breath and close my eye at first just to not lose the shattered remains of my mind. After that, I stared at the picture Harumi let me take of her when we were at the café until I reached the right stop and made my way to the school. By then I was already too drained to even run. Only seeing that picture kept me from just calling for a ride back home. I dragged myself all the way to the turn off. When I hadn't seen her at the station, I figured I wouldn't until the break. But then there she was, standing there confident and beautiful as always.
"Hey!"
It was nearly impossible for me to not walk right to her and just hold on tight. It was completely different to how Yuzu always used to comfort me. Harumi made me feel completely normal. Just seeing her made me happier, though a thousand times more nervous. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that Nene was with her. It muted my rejuvenation enough that Harumi noticed.
"What's up with that gloomy look?"
"I'm just fed up with bugs in the matrix, like packed trains."
And that I'm still waiting for you to give me an official second shot.
"Aww! You poor kid."
She gave me a look that spoke more than any words could. It was a similar look to a few she gave me since the camping trip last summer. It had nothing to do with the expression. It was something in her eyes, like she knew more about me than we ever said and was looking for something. It was like our time in the café, it wasn't shared with the outside world. Seeing that look, I felt a little better. And then she continued.
"But I'm proud of you for slogging through and never missing a day of school."
Is that affection as well as pride in your voice?! Is your pride in me the proud of your girlfriend sort? Is that what I am for you, because it doesn't feel like that yet. Maybe I can do something to get us moving forward.
It was just too wonderfully intimate and kind coming from her. I couldn't pass it up.
"Oh? Since I've been so good, maybe you could give me a reward?"
"What?"
While she was legitimately asking what I might want, I could see Harumi tense and her gaze turned warning. I had to be careful what I said and how I worded it. If anything I needed to be ready to talk in our special dual speak way. I faked a chuckle to set the tone of my words.
"I've got a plan and could use your help."
Translation: not talking about the date we still haven't been on.
"The aim is to give Yuzu and Mei's love life a boost!"
While it was the best to hint that I wanted us to move forward, I really was worried about Yuzu and the robotic big sister of mine. I had decided not to replace the phone I had destroyed because I wanted to make sure I could look her in the face whenever she needed something from me. It wasn't that I thought she would betray any of us. I just couldn't trust that she wouldn't hide something. However it might have backfired. I couldn't believe that she and Yuzu were acting so backwards in their relationship. How could Yuzu seriously blush that much over just being confessed to by her fiancé?! If they were lying, I wanted to catch them in a lie. If not, I wanted to make sure that they weren't going to be old women by the time they actually had fun together. It just happened that my ideas for helping them along also would be beneficial for showing off for Harumi and getting us along too. It seemed like a great idea, but Harumi disagreed.
"Not that again!"
And then I had to remind myself to not slip up, because she started talking in our special way.
"Everyone moves at their own pace. Just let them be for now."
Translation: I know what you're doing, and no! Just let things progress naturally for us.
Just hearing that made me want to grind my teeth. Because they, and the two of us as well, were completely stalled from my point of view. It wasn't fair.
"You heard Yuzu yesterday, didn't you? Those two won't do anything without a push from the rest of us."
Translation: I'm tired of feeling like it's all pretend. The four of us need to get serious and stop wasting time!
"When you talk about giving people a push, it makes me think you're scheming up something nasty. Like before."
Translation: No tricks or schemes, remember? Not after your failure last time. You promised.
I felt like she had slapped me. She knew I felt bad about our messed up date. She was hiding behind that now, and using my words against me. Well, two could play at that game.
"Scheming sounds so harsh."
Translation: I'm not talking about doing anything like that!
"I'm simply trying to help out my friends."
Translation: I understand that you're not wanting to come out at school and I'm suggesting we use your cover to be together. To really be together!
The way she shut her eyes told me she had caught not just my real meanings and subtle hints, but that I was calling out what had been her own words from the day I confronted her in the rain. And our agreement about how she wanted to proceed. So I just added a little promise of my own.
"If I have a little fun while I'm at it, all the better!"
Translation: I promise that I'll make sure we have fun and make you happy.
That made her sigh. For a moment I was a little nervous. I had pretty much hinted that I wanted more than merely a single date. That I wanted us to be together. That I actually was in love with her. It wasn't all that straightforward and we had to be careful about how we hid things because Nene was following us and getting more confused because we were talking about things in one way and yet reacting to the conversation that she couldn't hear. Also she didn't know about the fact that Harumi and I had been hanging out on our own, or about the dismal double date. I didn't think she could ever handle the fact that her favourite OTP was nothing more than friends who were either engaged the president of the student council or playing with the idea of dating the school's genius delinquent. She had been told about Yuzu and Mei, and even had been informed about the engagement. And yet she still was adamant that Yuzu was secretly with Harumi the whole time. My thoughts were interrupted by Harumi's words.
"Alright, sure. Let's say I believe you. No matter how good your intentions might be, there's a thin line between helping and meddling. So watch yourself."
Translation: I think we most certainly would have some fun, but it might backfire on you if you try to force things before their time. I don't want to see you get hurt again.
That was the last straw. I actually stopped at her words and decided I was done playing her game. I wanted to be with her. I wanted Yuzu and Mei to stop messing around and show me they were serious or explain how they could make it work without physically touching. Most of all, I wanted to see Harumi being confident and bold.
"Sheesh! You healers, casting your healing spells from a distance. Always so overly cautious."
Translation: you coward. I know you feel safe by putting up your walls, but you're missing out on how amazing it could be. I know you're better than this!
"What's that mean?"
Harumi tried to give me a stern look over her shoulder but I just ran past her and Nene and turned around at the gate. I made a face.
"It means I have my own battle tactics!"
Translation: if you're not going to make a move, then I will.
That shattered her mask. She looked surprised and I thought I might have noticed a little bit of a blush forming that she remembered to suppress before Nene could notice. I didn't stop there. Instead I dropped the double speak.
"Anyway! Keep your weekend open. And I'm going to ask Yuzu to come after second period, so make sure you're there!"
I'll show you exactly how much you mean to me. I'll make Yuzu feel like she has to compete with us if I have to. Anything to get us all moving forward together!
I turned and started for the entrance, but not before catching Harumi's tsundere response.
"You're just assuming I'm available, huh?"
We've been secretly hanging out together for a while now. You bet your perfect ass I'm assuming you're free then. You probably would have had me come over if I hadn't said anything.
I almost called her out on that, but I didn't. That would have been too much for her to ignore. She probably thought I was planning another double date but that was the last thing on my mind. I was going to take Harumi out on a date, and invite Yuzu to join us at the lesbian café to talk about her relationship without Mei around and in a place where it might be too hard for her to ignore me. If I did it right, Harumi would understand and probably agree. The conversation with Yuzu was merely secondary because I was nervous for them. I wanted to prove to Harumi that she didn't need to put her walls up against me. So I just ran to my shoe locker and changed quickly. I had two periods to figure out how to word everything and then a date to prepare for this weekend.