poetry by yours truly

crystalline

thorns of bleeding pain

twisting through my heart

i look in the reflection of myself

and can immediately tell

but no one else can see it

in through my aeorta

and tangling themselves in my arteries

spreading throughout my bloodstream

breaking open my veins

creeping into my intestines

i cant let them break through the surface

its fine as long as no one can tell.

making its way into the crevices of my brain

sucked into my brain stem

trying to break free

damaging my cerebellum

why cant anybody help me,

or hear me,

or see how painful this is?

how clueless is everybody?

am i just that good at hiding it?

or is it just that nobody really even gives a shit?

thatd make sense, since if i had disappeared

into the shrouded heavy mist

no one would have really noticed

but for faux sympathy

they wouldve acted so crushed

but they dont even really know my name

no one even really knows me

if they did

theres no way they would want to remember

even to display fake empathy

why is everyone so loud

but they say im yelling?

they scream and burst my eardrums,

a bloody mess splattered all through my head

but they're saying im the loud one

they complain when i dont talk

but then say i talk too loud

maybe im just better off dead?

but then again,

my only reason for living

is to make their lives worse

right?

thats how it feels at least

be there to shatter their lives

like a crystalline smooth mirror

being dropped below

into the peaks of stalagmites

breaking apart

the cracks severing the bond of

all those little reflective pieces

shattering into smaller pieces

until no one sees them

but theyre still there.

seeing every move.

every imperfection.

piercing through your reputation

like a sewing needle through skin.

but if they dont notice you,

you dont matter

trust me,

i would know.

they denounce every last thing,

even with you sitting right there

i hear everything

like an echo in a cave

every word they say i absorb

i am but a snail to their salt

if only i were more heartless

and selfish than i already am

i could spill their little constellation secrets

to the night sky

that they always gossip about

but now its sunrise

and ive missed my chance yet again.

////

(this was actually the first poem i wrote about ~2 years ago)