Affliction

Chapter 17

Jess

Rose's mother; the druggy? That couldn't be who this lady was. She wasn't drugged up at all at this moment anyways. She seemed in great health. "I'm, Jess... Rose's friend" I re- introduce myself finally. She didn't respond she just kept staring at Rose; I can see in her expression she was filled with regret.

"Jess." She whispered as if she just realized something, she looks at me "your Jess." She asks in realization – "yes, Nice to meet you." I assure, "how long has she been, in this state"? She asks pulling in her seat. "About a month I believe, I found out not much after the incident I guess." I inform her, doing the same.

We both look at her, nothing. I now focus my attention on her mother – she had no bags under her eyes, or recent markings of drug abuse.

She looked as normal as can be, "so not to be rude or anything but when did you quit." I ask in a low tone as if I would give her secret away to the absent audience in the room.

She doesn't respond right away, leaning back in her chair she smiles and states, " about a month ago – I had ran off into a rehab facility the night Rose told me she was planning to move." She began still leaning relaxed in her chair "these are so much better than the ones I been using." She stays referring to the hospital chair as she readjusts herself.

I giggle; I couldn't imagine a chair worse than the hospital ones. Once completely settled she continues "I needed change, Rose needed a mother." "Being on that crap I couldn't give her that, she reminded me of what it was like to be loved, truly loved and enjoy a life without drugs." She pauses, now reaching in her purse.

She pulls out a purple paper band – similar to a hospital wrist band; "I was planning to surprise her with this when I returned, its proof of my attending the center." A small tear drops from her now watered eyes.

With a loss for words I stay silent; she looks up at Rose, "she always wanted me to – especially after our big fall out." She pauses again now placing it back in her purse. "I remember, young Rose – fiery, optimistic Rose.

She was my ball of sunshine; it's my fall she dimmed into this gloomy darkened woman." Her mother claims now bringing her chair closer to Rose's still limped body; she takes her hand in hers and caresses her thumb back and forth on Rose's palm.

I pull in a little closer as well, "what was she like, young Rose."? I ask with pure curiosity.  She looks at me and gives a small smile, one that almost shows her teeth then tells me.

She was wild and free, loving and joyful complete opposite of what she is today. She loved going on walks and playing at the play ground. Her hair wasn't dark like now it's naturally fiery orange/ red from her Scottish heritage. She explained how there was a time that Rose always smiled and sang with her music.

Rose was a complete ball of Sunshine and the only thing her mother had after her father left. I never would have thought, "It's my fault she is so quiet and lonely now, and I regret that with all I have." She continued; "I turned to drugs and shut her out, when I did show her attention it was negative." She whips another tear from her face.

Sniffling and trying to stay strong her brittle voice continued, "Rose is all I have, I shouldn't have called her worthless or stupid." – "she loves you." I interrupt trying to sooth her "otherwise, she would have gave up on you a long time ago." I turn back to Rose; swearing I saw a twitch.

Was she starting to wake up? I really hoped so – she had been in this coma for months now and I have visited almost every day since I found out; and with her mom here now her waking up would be amazing bonding moment for them.

The ECG beeped and beeped showing us her heart beat, she was still stable; we continue our conversation – I asked why her father really wasn't involved, why he left. She confided in me that he never existed;

"I had no idea who her father was, I had been with 3 different guys at the time – you know living life recklessly." She explained, telling me how she thought she knew but she didn't care enough to make certain.

Beep, beep it continued; "so you chose to have a fatherless child"? I ask in confusion, she nods "I figured, I came out fine without my dad, my child would be fine too." She tells me; I pause for a moment before asking – "has she even asked about him, or tried to find him herself"?

Before she could answer the beeping stopped and the flat line began, one long continuous beeeeeeeeeep placing a pause on our hearts "Rose"?! Her mom cries out, before we knew it Nurses and a doctor came bursting through the door.

They were shouting back and forth using terms we couldn't understand almost like gibberish. One nurse kindly asked we step out so they can do what they need to "that's my baby, I'm not leaving"! Her mother shouts to the nurse refusing to move from her seat. The nurse is persistent, "ma'am until you leave we won't have the space to safe her." She informs her calmly trying to get her out the door.

I take her hand and bring her out with me, "we can watch from the window – Keep it cracked please." I assure her while demanding the nurses to let us see. Once in the hall and the door has been shut we prop up at the window awaiting a miracle.

Her mom is breathing heavily I know she is flustered with emotions right now, she just wanted to come home and show Rose that she was capable of becoming herself again, she wanted a 2nd chance, and now it seemed she may not get one.

We watched as the doctors pushed and pushed on her chest trying to get a heart beat; they used a ventilator to try and restore her breathing – it didn't seem to be working. Her mother balling her eyes how swears up and down that they aren't doing their jobs.

She asks other nurses to run in and assist them, the flat line continues for a few more moments before they call it. When they stopped she couldn't take it she watched as they effortlessly tried to save her baby girls life; and I felt overly responsible.

To me this was my fault – I shouldn't have involved her, I could have done this myself or better yet let the authorities do their job; I was full of regret. "We're calling it. September 3rd 4:45 PM the doctor announced. My heart sunk, "no." her mother wont accept it.

She barges in the room, they move out her way. I follow behind staying my distance, "Rosie." She whimpers falling over her daughter's body. "Please Rosie, please wake up." she begged laying her head on her chest holding her tightly.

No one bothered her – The nurses begin to disperse, "mommy's here, come back to me baby." She continued, I stood still not knowing what to do exactly.  "Ms.Tillman," the doctor calls her with sincerity. She won't budge; I walk to her placing my hand on her shoulder comfortingly.

"Just give her a minute, please." I ask the doctor who then nods in understanding and leaves, we take a moment she had stopped breathing for about 3 minutes now, her mother still clinging to her chest refusing to let go.

"C'mon Ms Tillman, we have to leave the room now." I advise noticing the staff huddling around the door ready to take her motionless corpse to the morgue, other staff members removing all clients and family members from the hall, "just want to say, I love you Rose bud, I'm so sorry for all the mistreated wrong I did you." she cried apologetically.

I take her in my arms supporting her now weak body and we head to the exit, each taking one last look at Rose, I apologize in my thoughts, knowing this was my fault. Right as we were about to leave there was a silent beep, I stop in my tracks – beep... beep it continued.

I turn and see her ECG showing small ripples of a heart beat, "DOCTOR, NURSE"! I scream out wishing they move faster. " That's impossible." They said entering the room; they rush around for breath stabilizers and other tools.

We approach the bed again "Rose"?  Her mother utters placing her hand on Rose's thigh, her hand twitches – "did you see that, she responded." I inform the Doctor who still in shock just got his stethoscope to his ears.

"Yup, there's a heart beat alright." He confirmed they kindly ask we leave the room so they can stabilize her and keep her breathing.