Beautifully Tainted

Prologue

ESCAPE
Winter(2016)

I am scared.
Scared of being alone, getting abandoned, scared of darkness which conceals one's true colors, scared of these untamed feelings that have been tormenting me till this moment.
Yet, here I am. Locked up in this room, surrounded by seemingly endless darkness, all alone, sitting on the cold floor of my bedroom, in my school uniform, covered in dirt and sweat, hyperventilating, tears streaming down my face, body trembling uncontrollably.
What a mess.
I sob, as the tears flowing down my cheeks seems neverending.
I feel suffocated. I try to scream but my voice seems to be stuck in my throat.
'𝐼-𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑖𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑒𝑛𝑑. 𝐼 𝑐-𝑐𝑎𝑛'𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑦. 𝑇𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑛 𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑦!'

"AARGH!" -Finally letting out a scream filled with pain and anger.
"w-why.. why- WHY?!" she screams while aggressively pulling her hair.
She hugs herself, squeezes her arms with her hands, digging her nails into her flesh, until it bleed, venting her anger on her fragile body and continues to sobs loudly. She didn't know what to do with herself anymore. Probably thought if this pain could overpower the pain she's feeling inside.
...

After painfully crying for so long, she becomes calm, calm like an ocean before storm, She seems to be in a daze, spacing out. She aimlessly looks around the bedroom, her empty eyes searching for something. She looks at the wooden table which looks unusually empty today. Something catches her eye, it is not the fruit basket placed on the table but the old blunt knife lying beside it. She struggles but manages to crawl upto the table and grab the knife with her trembling hands. Her mind becomes hazy as she places her index finger on the sharp edge of the knife, thinking of various ways to make use of this knife.

?? Pov
I don't remember how long I have been blankly staring at the knife in my trembling hands. All sorrowful memories of the past few days, months, even years, came flooding back to me. It starting to get harder to breathe, my chest gets tight as if suffocating me to near death. Again.
I am scared.
'Not again please. It hurts. It HURTS like hell! Stop it, STOP!' Sobs loudly.
'I can't take it anymore' Taking a shaky breath I dig the tip of the knife into the skin over my forearm and slowly graze it across my wrist, enough to cut the skin and small blood vessels lying under the skin, making it bleed. I stare at it with a painful expression on my face, as a few drops of blood runs along the wound and falls on the white tiles of the floor beneath, tainting it with a beautiful shade of red I've never seen. I look at it with a painful smile.

As the pain is my chest subsides. The cut wound grabs my attention.
It hurts. The wound, my head, my heart- everything- just hurts.
How- just how did I end up like this? When did it all started going wrong? What did i ever do to be suffering this much?
I ask myself again and again.

Right. everything started falling apart when 'he' came into my life. My place, my feelings, my friends, my mind, he messed everything up ever since he appeared in our classroom that day....