west coast | levi.a

𝟏.𝟗

❧𝐰𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐚𝐬𝐭❧

he's crazy y cubano como yo

Levi held the cigarette to his mouth, eyes rolling as his friends jeered at him.

"You? In a relationship? Give me a break man."

"Never in our, whatever years at university, have I ever heard that you liked a girl. Never. Seriously? It can't be that good."

"I wouldn't know." Levi said under his breath as the room went quiet before laughter burst out.

"She's got you like this and you haven't even fucked? You're gone my good brother. You're a devoted man now." Another spoke up as Levi clenched his jaw shut. He could give two fucks about what they had to say about Y/N. But hearing those words being used to describe him? Devoted? It did make his stomach turn a bit. Perhaps he was a bit too hasty with all of this. He didn't like her that much did he?

"Shit." He said suddenly as if he'd forgotten something.

"I have a paper due tomorrow. See you all later or something." He said with a slight urgency in his voice.

He didn't even bother saying by properly as he took off, hearing murmurs of his friends, saying how he didn't really need to study. His degree was set in place anyway. The Ackermans were Trost favourites.

People like that were much why Levi preferred being alone. He was set on his decision to pursue Y/N, yet here he was, angrily getting into his car after stomping out his cig that he had barely lit, sighing in frustration.

It made him sick. All of this. Liking a girl. Devoting himself to her. What? Were they sixteen? He wasn't getting what he wanted and it was making him mad. And he was getting even madder that he was thinking all of this. Just a few days ago he'd promised to himself that he'd actually try. That maybe Y/N was something good for him, and now he was contemplating it all just because his mind had conditioned him to reject any warm feeling at all.

His heart was fluctuating between doing everything he could to make her see that he was being sincere, to packing everything up and never seeing her again. Both pathways were causing him immense grief, because either way he knew he'd fuck up. He felt it every time he talked to her. His blood rushing and his heart beating so fast as if his body was warning him. Every time he had felt such a nauseating sentiment, something bad happened, and no matter how much he could deny it, he cared for her. He knew he did. It would kill him to break her heart, and he knew he was going to do it either way.

He glanced at his phone. He had her number. He could call her. She never texted first. She didn't really text in general. He could tell she was scared of him and he wished she wasn't. Talking to her was hard enough with what they'd gone through already. He couldn't see her now anyway. He'd do something stupid and ruin everything he had been working for. The smallest thing could ruin it all.

He sat in his car a few moments longer before looking at his phone again. Levi Ackerman was probably the most well guarded, closed off person in Paradis. No one knows where he lives, no one knows how his mother got sick, people didn't even know him and Mikasa were related until she accidentally slipped up and told people. No one knew when he broke up with someone, and no one knew anything about him. Sure people knew about who he fucked, who liked him and who his toy of the month was, but no one knew him. You could ask Erwin his favourite colour and he'd stutter and probably say dark green, which was wrong. You could ask Hange what his favourite food was and they'd sit with you for a while and wonder, because in their fifteen years of friendship, Hange never heard Levi ask for anything he particularly wanted.