Sherwood Rogue

Chapter Eight

A few nights later, Robin beckoned to me after dinner. I followed as he led me into the trees, far enough away to ensure privacy. Choosing a large boulder, he climbed up and perched himself on top of it. He didn't invite me to join him, so I stood there, looking up slightly to see him against snow-heavy clouds in the dark sky.

"Well?" he said at last. "Have you come to a decision?"

"About leaving?" Robin nodded. I straightened my shoulders, resisting the urge to pace. "Not until this very moment." I'd been thinking about it since we had spoken last.

"And?" Robin prompted.

"I'm staying."

"With no reservations?"

I knew he meant my worries about killing more people. "Does it matter?" I asked, unwilling to commit to that one. The doubts still troubled me, but my conscience spoke even louder.

"Of course it matters. Answer," Robin snapped, sounding like the earl's son he was.

I stubbornly refused to be pinned down. "I can't say at this point."

"Well, you had better, Kay. I need to be sure where my people stand. I want to know I can count on you."

I stiffened under his censure. "You'll ask me to leave if I say I cannot kill for you?" I asked flatly. "That leaves me little choice."

"No. You may stay, as you have chosen. But until I have your word you will do whatever is necessary in your service to me and the brotherhood, I cannot put the brotherhood's trust in you."

"That's—" I bit my tongue, thinking this through. I had been about to decry his words as unfair, but I realized they were the words of a leader concerned for the welfare of all his people. He could not, in good conscience, send a member out who was not willing to toe the line, to do whatever necessary.

I looked up at Robin's silhouette. "I see."

"And?"

I began pacing, feeling trapped. My mind raced along the tracks it had worn in the last few days until it suddenly clicked. I stopped pacing and stood, staring at Robin. It was all so clear now.

I had debated the morality of the issue, debated the future consequences of the actions I took in this past. But I had ignored the fact of the matter.

"Out there," I whispered, "when my life was in danger, I did not hesitate. When Mark was in danger, I did not pause. Self-preservation is a compelling master, isn't it?"

Robin didn't answer and I wasn't sure he heard me. I strode to the base of his rock to grasp his foot. I was waxing dramatic and I knew it, but this was a very dramatic revelation for me.

"My word is given, Robin. My conscience and existence are yours to command. Why did I think I could control my destiny? I am at the mercy of the fickle universe, as always."

"Eh?"

I laughed, giving Robin's foot a shake before letting go. I felt free of the burden I had carried since my arrival. I no longer cared about the future. I wasn't there. I was here!

"Count on me, Robin. I will not fail you."

***

SPRING WAS JUST STARTING to get warmer when things came to a head between Robin and Mark.

Mark and I had been observing a truce. Sure, he no longer accused me of petty deceit, as he had all winter, but he gave no other indication as far as friendship went. He basically ignored me, which I found preferable to his persecution. But he ignored everybody, making me wonder if this was the calm before some storm.