Bullied

Nine

"Because he's a pig," Justin said. "He's the one who always had to..." I was starting to get uneasy at the sudden mood swing. Justin noticed it and took a deep breath to compose himself. "I know I had issues," he licked his lips, "and maybe I still do, but I'm working on it."

"I believe you," I said reassuringly.

"Fred used to be violent too," Justin said defensively. "He used to throw rocks at me. If I was fast enough I would have been able to catch him. The closest I ever came was to see him run," the more he talked about Fred, the more he started to look like his older, scarier version. "That day, I planned on beating the shit out of that prick to teach him a lesson. I wanted to humiliate him and make a statement. I knew he'd lost his mom and that it was sad but still I couldn't help it. I wasn't the one who kept ignoring every warning, I didn't even want to keep fighting. A week after his mother's death, I tried to offer my condolences. I know he's an asshole but I also knew how it felt to lose a mother. I went to offer my condolences and you know what he did?" When I didn't say anything, he continued. "Fred told me that at least his dead parents were going to be in heaven, unlike mine. I didn't hit him then but I couldn't sleep that night because of it. He just lost his parents and yet he still mocked me... It was too much to take in... I wanted to ignore everything but he wouldn't let me. Some days after that, I heard Amy and Fred talk. Amy said that at least his mother's face won't look like a pancake in the afterlife. They both fucking laughed at it. I ran home. At the end of the week, I just exploded. I just wanted all of it to stop. I thought maybe if he saw that I won't let him use his loss as a shield, he'll let me be. I had to stoop to his level to get that point across and that's my regret," Justin sighed. The room was back to being silent again. Then, all of a sudden, Justin chuckled. "I went as far as making a homemade paste that looked like bird crap and dumped it on our first class teacher's car. That teacher didn't come for two days citing it as an excuse. One more reason I don't miss school as much. I don't need school, no matter what dad says."

"What do you mean, to his level?" I asked. I heard about Justin a lot in the past, mainly by Fred, but never about Fred himself. There was a reason Justin's friend group existed after all. People chose to be on the opposite team of Fred and Amy.

"I moved into your school a month after my mom died. Fred approached me as I was new. We were talking about my mother and I got a little too emotional. That was my mistake. Fred acted like a friend, at first, and asked about her death in detail. I was all teary eyed so I didn't notice at first that Fred was grinning. He had ammunition to use on me and he didn't hesitate to use it," Justin took a long breath before speaking. "Imagine seeing your own mother's skull be smashed into pieces under a bus tire only for it to be made into a joke and be tormented by it for months by a brat. Fred would always troll me with the kind of jabs only some of us would understand. Like inside jokes, but instead of jokes, they were insults that went unnoticed, just the way Fred liked it. As time went I started losing control of my emotions and Fred's teasing got worse," Justin closed his eyes and took a long deep breath.

"In all this time I've known you, you've always been at your worst behavior around Fred," I murmured.

"We're the ones with the biggest rivalry. Fred's taunted and I retaliated," Justin rubbed his palms against her neck. The way Justin handled the taunts was by being a raging bull, only he hadn't realized he was in a china shop. Maybe that's why it was hard to miss. A loose bull breaking things left and right demands more attention than the thief stealing money from behind the counter.

"I'm sorry. I had no idea all this was even happening," I said. My antisocial introverted personality showcasing his ignorance through the words. "Why didn't you leave school then?"

"I wanted to. Dad couldn't afford it. The shop was struggling. Even now, as I work with him, we're barely making ends meet. If I ever go back to school, we'll go under."

"I understand," I said and meant it.

"Fred's a psycho, stay away from him," Justin finally said. "Others saw it and kept their distance. Amy saw it but stayed by his side, at least until she saw the repercussions," did the others actually see it? If so, how often? Why had they not talked to me? Maybe being bench mates with Fred from the very start had a negative effect.

"Have you seen her since?"

"Not even once. In all this time, the birds never reunited, at least to my knowledge. Maybe they still talk online. I did hear she moved to a more, what's the word again? 'pristine' college," Justin's distaste for Amy was smaller than Fred's, but it still existed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know. I should've known. His notebook..." I stopped myself. I can't let that out.

"The what?"

"Nothing," I shook my head. "It's just... I didn't realize how bad things were," I said to distract him. Justin stared at me for a while before speaking.

"Enough talk about the past, let's finish this chicken. I'll give some to dad right away," The conversation was over. But deep inside, I hated myself for not telling him about the notebook. I kept thinking whether or not to tell him as I returned home.

It was like I had a huge rock on my chest. I really wanted to talk about the notebook, to anyone who would listen, except Justin. I'm not sure what his reaction will be, but I know it won't help improve matters. Hell, it's not like I have seen Fred still keep the thing. So why put gasoline into what could be a wildfire?

Justin deserved to know but if he found out, what would his reaction be? Will he talk to his father and they decide which action to take? Or will the old Justin come back to deal with Fred again. I did see a small glimpse of old Justin when he talked about his mother. If I told him and the old Justin came back, things would go out of control.