Give Me a Break

Family Issues

"Viola?" A voice interrupted my sleep, and hands shook my shoulders until I sat up.
"What?" I murmured, annoyed and exhausted. Jaida's frowning face took up my view, and she yanked my covers off. "Hey!" I yelled, still half-asleep.
"Guess who's here," she said in her pissed-off voice.
"Who?" I asked, rubbing my eyes and stretching, pushing my tangled hair out of my face.
"Greg."
Oh. "What the hell is he doing here?"
"I called him, and now I wish I hadn't. Please help me get rid of him," she said with pleading eyes.
"Did you tell him about..."
"The baby? Yeah. He wants to keep it."
"And you don't?"
"Of course not," she said nonchalantly. I sat up, wide awake now. How could she be so calm about this? "I mean, how could I? It would ruin my whole life."
"Jaida, you have to think this through-"

"You think I haven't, Vi? I have spent almost every night since I found out pondering it. I've been worried out of my mind. I can't keep it. I won't. If I worry this much even in pregnancy, I can't imagine how stressful having an actual baby would be. Please go get Greg to leave."
"But if you get an abortion now-"
"It would hurt the baby, I know, I know. But I'm sorry, I'm not a good enough person to put a freaking embryo before myself. I can't do it," she shouted, starting to cry again. "I can't do it."

Greg walked in.
"Jaida..."

"Get out of my house, Greg, now, I don't want to see you."

"But you were the one who called me," he protested, coming over to her and hugging her. "I want to help you," he said, his green eyes open and honest.

I had always liked Greg, even if Jaida didn't. He was trustworthy, and honest. If anything, Greg kept his word, even if he was a dick about it. If he said he wanted to help Jaida and keep the baby, then he did. No question. But... She didn't want to keep the baby, and I was worried about both of them.

"Well, I don't want your help. I'm getting this abortion, and you can't stop me. It's in my uterus, not yours, and I can do what I need to."

"Jaida... Think about mom," I said, putting my hand on her shoulder.

"Are you serious?" She yelled, looking at me furiously. "Mom has absolutely nothing to do with this! She's dead, Vi! The fetus growing inside me relates in no way to her, don't you get that? I'm done with you both," she said, beginning to sob. When she stormed out, she looked back at me one more time regretfully. "I would've thought that you, Vi, would at least understand. I'm done."

Greg and I both sat in silence for a couple moments, before he leapt up and ran out after her. I closed the door behind him, but I could still hear them yelling when he reached her in the living room.
I closed my eyes and sighed, running my fingers through my ratty hair.
Even this small gesture made me think of Braden, and I winced, remembering how the muscles in his arms tensed when he pushed his hands through his golden-brown hair. I could remember vividly every feature of his face, every detail- even the one lock of hair that always hung down in front of his eyes, and the perfect thickness of his eyebrows. I remembered the passion in his eyes when he talked, the fierce way he debated about the things he loved.

What was happening to me? I was with Nathan. I liked Nathan. Not Braden. Taking a deep breath, I went to my bedside table and picked up the picture of my mom, sitting on my bed and staring at it.
"What's going on in my life?" I asked her picture. "Why doesn't Jaida want to keep the baby, Mom? And why is Braden so damn attractive?" I laughed to myself at the last one.
"Just... Just send me a sign, mom, please. Let me know that I'm doing okay. That I'll be okay."
I set the picture back down, and lay back on my bed. I started to think about mom, and the last few months of her life.

She had been depressed, no question about that, and had slowly grown detached from our family.
She wouldn't eat dinner with us, or sometimes, not eat at all. She would stay in her room without the lights on, and she slowly began to not talk to Jaida or I at all. The last month of her life, she refused to leave the house altogether, and only came out of her room once to get a bottle of liquor.
I tried to talk to her when she came out; I tugged on the sleeve of her shirt and waved my hand in front of her face. I would tell her about my day, but she never responded. I would cry and plead with her to answer. She never did.With Jaida, she would respond. She would smile, if weakly. At least for the first few months. Then she didn't speak to anybody.

I still don't remember how she died.
Weird, right? It's true.
I remember her disappearing, and I remember her funeral, and I remember realizing she was really dead, but I don't know how she passed. I know it was suicide, but I never quite figured out how she killed herself.

As I sat on my bed, I thought about her funeral. I thought about how I couldn't make myself look into the casket; I couldn't make myself look at my own mother's dead body.

Tears began streaming down my face, and I clenched my hands so hard my knuckles began to turn white.

I thought about how, as they began to lower the casket into the ground, I came to my senses and ran up to the edge, mascara running down my cheeks, my hands clawing at the corner of the casket as it sank deeper into the fresh earth.
I know that I yelled. I know that I cried. I know that Jaida had to pull me back from the edge, and that the guests of the funeral watched, horrified, as I collapsed into a screaming pile of tears.

But I can't remember how she died.

And it's driving me insane.

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Hey guys! I know this is sort of a short chapter, and I'm sorry. I'm also sorry that it doesn't really have Nathan of Braden in it. Thank you for all the support, though! This morning, I turned my phone on to notice that GMAB has over 100 views, and I was so excited that I decided to write two chapters today. To another person, 100 views might seem like very little (I know that some stories on here have over a million views) but to me, it means a TON. THANK YOU SO MUCH!! Also, more coming with Nathan next chapter ;)
Happy reading!!XX