A/N
QOTC
if you could pick any time a day what part would you choose and why?
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"So what did you have on your mind for tonight?" I ask Arthur who is acting like he enjoys the makeshift pasta.
"I was thinking of a club maybe?" He asks me. I never went to a club with him or even had a drink in front of him because he wouldn't allow a 'child' to drink.
"Im trying to catch up on the youth. Apparently this area has a lot of good ones i saw it on facebook" he says proudly telling me how he is using a app now. I dont even have the heart to tell him that facebook is moslty used by old people.
"A club is okay.." I say unsure. I haven't been to any social thing like that ever. I never had anyone to come with me. I bite my inner lip and take a deep breath. It's just someplace where you dance and drink some stuff and then leave. It's not that hard.
Right. Mhmmm. Totally. It's totally not hard. I can do it. Before I know it my heart starts to take a turn and raising more than ever. "Im going to the bathroom" I announced trying to keep my voice the same as it was.
My mouth feels dry and I grip my hand where my heart is. Fuck. I try to keep it under control but sometimes it just doesn't work. My palms start to sweat and I can already feel the stress building inside me.
I want everything to disappear right this moment. I take a few deep breaths counting to 5 and then recounting for what feels like forever.
In the short time I had allowed a therapist near me he told me that would be the best thing I can do. But right now it feels like it isn't doing shit.
I splash my face with water and keep my hands on my face. Fuck fuck fuck. I look into the mirror and feel like the whole world is spinning around me. Fuck fuck fuck.
I feel like I'm going to throw up this horrible pasta right out. I try to keep it down as best as I can and take one last deep breath and hold it. 3.....2....1.... I count down weirdly calming down.
Okay, I can do it.. yeah I can. I splash my face once again and flush the toilet so it sounds like I was actually on the toilet.
I walk out of the small bathroom and Arthur's piercing eyes are focused on me. I shot him a small smile trying to act like I am a normal person.
"You're sweating" he says and looks disturbed thinking about what I was doing there. "Nah I just took a shower with the toilet water," I say and sit down across from him.
"Do you want any dessert?" I ask him unsure what I even have left. "Uhhh... what do you have?" He asks me and I stand up and walk to the fridge.
The almost empty fridge now makes me slightly embarrassed. I take out a small pack of strawberries I bought when I was hungry at 3 am.
"Strawberries?" I ask him and he puts his hand on his forehead. "Sure" he says and I cut up some strawberries with the same knife I sometimes use while I work.
I prefer to use 1 knife. Everyone knows it. Even though I've only used 1 nobody actually questions it. Maybe its because of fesr or maybe its because they simply couldnt care.
"We need to get you some actual clothes" he tells me and I look down at my clothes "what's wrong with them?" I ask him and he squints his eyes. "You're dressed like a 50-year-old salesperson" he tells me and I stare at him only blinking my eyes a few times.
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Case 420 /finished BxB/
ActionI never considered the possibility of saying it outloud to him. To tell him the words i wouldn't even dare wisper to him. The way his eyes are focused on me watching me ever so carefully makes me want to tell him everything that's going on in my min...