𝑴𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒓𝒄𝒉 [english]

10.

Since that day, a few weeks had passed.

Matthew accompanied Sofía every day, and stayed the night although she sometimes insisted that he hadn't to do that. She didn't want to be a bother. She liked his company, but not seeing him sad. He didn't want to show it, but he wasn't very good at hiding those feelings from her.

The only moments where she was left alone were when Matthew had to go to work. He had wanted to take days off from work, but Sofia hadn't let him. Matthew talked about it once, and didn't insist again because he also thought that the moment she was going through was very serious and important, and since she didn't like expressing her negative feelings in front of him, it occurred to him that maybe she vented when he wasn't around. That's why he decided that he shouldn't suffocate her by being next to her all day. He understood that sometimes she needed to be alone, although he hoped that the time would come when she could talk about her feelings with him. He had let her know that with a couple of hints. He firmly believed that moments of solitude were necessary, but that didn't mean that someone had to deal with everything alone. He hoped Sofia would understand.

All those weeks that had passed since that day he saw her leaving the hospital she had been under observation. It was going quite well, and Matthew at first couldn't help being excited, even though he knew that any improvement was only temporary. He didn't have any information regarding the illness that Sofia was afflicted with, since she had never given details about it. I don't want you to think about the disease. Let's just say that the chrysalis is becoming transparent, you start to see me as a butterfly, soon I will be able to fly.

And obviously the passage of time began to turn off that illusion that had been kindled in Matthew. Sofia's condition deteriorated considerably. The pain increased. Everything increased.

One day when Matthew arrived at the hospital after work he found Sofía watching TV. It was something usual but Matthew, even in the situation they were in, was a little uneasy when he heard the word euthanasia being mentioned in the program that Sofía was watching.

They greeted each other and he stared at her for a moment. She didn't look hurt or distressed by what she was watching. What's more, with a bored grimace she changed the channel and ended up leaving a documentary about animals to watch.

"What? Do you want to see something else?" she asked, handing him the remote control. "Or not, better tell me about today. You did well?"

He just nodded as he pulled up a chair to sit next to her.

"Are you okay?" She turned to him a little uneasily. But she calmed down when something clicked and she realized what had made the boy like that.

"Hey… About what I was watching earlier," she started but was interrupted.

"No, no. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I just felt a little... Bad, I don't know, when I heard that. But it doesn't matter, ignore me. Unless you really need to talk… I don't even know what I'm saying…” Matthew sighed in frustration. "I mean, I don't want you to feel pressured to talk about something, but you also know how I feel about you keeping everything for yourself… Just do what you want, what makes you feel better". He finished looking at her with a slight smile.

Matthew's clumsiness to express himself delighted her. Every time he said something like that, Sofia felt her body shudder as her heart beat faster each time.

She was so happy that she wasn't alone at that moment. She appreciated Matthew's company so much, and sometimes she felt like she should open up a little more with him.

"As you know, I always knew I had this illness, and that it would take me at some point. I admit I thought a few times about that thing they mentioned on TV, but it was never serious. The truth is that I never wanted to speed up this whole process, no matter how bad it was… I wanted to live a little longer. Insects are so tiny, sometimes they are exposed to so much, there are some that only live a couple of days, and still... They live. As I told you, monarchs live for months, which is mainly why I felt identified. They go through so much, they take advantage of their long lives, why wouldn't I do it too? Although some people told me more than once that it was stupid to compare myself to an insect, that they don't really have a real conscience about their lives... I don't know, I think they should have, for a reason they continue to exist and maintain their lives. But I never minded being told that anyway, because thinking like that has helped me to keep going. Thinking that now I'm encapsulated in a chrysalis and that after so much effort to get out I will be able to spread my wings and fly... It is a beautiful idea that comforts me from the depths of my soul" she said with tears filling her eyes. "It wasn't easy to begin to appreciate my life. I was completely alone. Something I always remember from when I was little was when I first read that monarchs die after laying their eggs. I read it and thought: poor things, they are left alone… Like me. That was what I thought and I felt a great pity for both them and myself. It took me to get over it, but I did. It may not seem that way, but believe me when I tell you that I'm really fine now". She finished smiling as always, while a couple of tears wet her cheeks.

Matthew's face was like that too. And that afternoon ended in silence, with them holding hands, simply enjoying each other's presence.